The Stratagem’s Archive

Tag: reflection

  • Some Days I Don’t Want to Be Here — On Surviving When Everything Else Feels Heavy

    I Don’t Have Any Answers

    Welcome, fellow archivists.

    This isn’t going to be a post full of strategies or 5-step solutions. I don’t have answers. I don’t have any neat, Instagram-worthy fixes for feeling worthless, angry, exhausted, or like a failure.

    All I have is the truth: I’m still here. I show up. That’s it.

    When There’s No Outlet That Works

    Every day, I feel like crying. Or screaming. Or fighting someone. Or curling into a ball and disappearing.

    Most days, I don’t do any of it. I keep it inside. I go to work. I lift boxes. I nod. I breathe through the rage.

    It feels like that, at work, the only time I’ll be acknowledged is: being asked to pick up someone else’s slack, when my mind blanks out and I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, or when I make a mistake and that immediately overshadows ALL of the good work I’d done prior.

    Sometimes I don’t even feel angry — I’m just so tired that people assume I’m mad.

    But truth is? I’ve tried the healthy outlets.

    I’ve done the journaling. The walking. The meditating. The deep breathing. The exercising. The learning. The “focus on your goals” grindset.

    I’ve tried cold showers. Better sleep. Better food.

    And it all helps… but it’s not enough. Not when the storm keeps coming back. Not when my mind is so convinced that I’m not worth keeping or being around.

    I Keep Trying Anyway

    I try to channel this torrent of emotions into my projects:

    • Writing D&D prompts I may never run.
    • Trying to code, even though I spent 10 years thinking I wasn’t smart enough.
    • Taking online courses that might help one day.
    • Working two jobs.
    • Keeping myself occupied so I don’t fall into that deep, silent well again.

    But most of the time, I’m not healing. I’m just surviving.

    Mostly I’m surviving. If you want to read more about these slow projects and quiet experiments, I sometimes write about them in Letters from the Void.

    This Pain and Anger Has A Name

    I would often ask myself the same question over and over again;

    What do I have to be angry about?

    That question, that right there, is called “Comparative Guilt.”

    This guilt would trick me, maybe it tricked you too, into thinking that I’m not suffering enough as someone going through real suffering to matter.

    I have so much good in my life:

    • I have caring and supportive family.
    • I’ve been living on my own for a few months.
    • I chose myself over staying in toxic and diminishing friendships.
    • I’ve started my own blog.
    • I’m working 2 jobs to aggressively get out of $15,000 of debt.
    • I’ve been investing in my retirement and my present for 2-3 years now.

    So, what should I be angry, upset, or numb over? I’ve got it so good, someone would want to trade spots with me.

    That’s the guilt trying to tell me that I’m not enough, even though I already struggle with combating feeling like a failure, worthless, and not good enough on the daily. It’s trying to say, “give up, you’re not worth it.”

    But I don’t give up, I’m stubborn like that. I might be a glutton for punishment because feeling angry, upset, or numb might be the only things I can feel these days. For now, that is enough, until I’m able to learn how to smile and feel content or joy again.

    Living Is The Loudest Rebellion I Have

    I’ve started believing that the biggest “f*** you” to a world that seems to want you to disappear… is to not disappear.

    Not to win. Not to thrive. Not to be impressive.

    Just to keep existing, even when it hurts. Even when nothing helps. Even when you don’t want to.

    There’s no power move louder than refusing to vanish — even if you’re dragging yourself through the day.

    If You’re Still Here Too…

    Then maybe you’re like me.

    You don’t have the answers.

    You’re angry and exhausted and worn down.

    But you still show up. Somehow.

    And that counts for something, even if no one sees it. Even if you forget why.

    This post isn’t here to fix you.

    It’s just a reminder:

    If all you did today was survive, that’s still resistance.

    A Note For Fellow Archivists

    If any part of this piece resonates, I’d love to invite you to pause for a moment and reflect on your own journey.

    What part of your story feels messy, uncertain, or unfinished right now? Where are you weary, wondering, or wandering? What small reminder do you need today that you don’t have to fit neatly into anyone’s expectations?

    You don’t have to share your reflections out loud — sometimes it’s enough just to notice them for yourself. But if you’d like, you’re always welcome to write them in the comments, or even send them my way privately. This space is here so that we can remind ourselves and each other: you’re not alone in this.

    If you’ve found something meaningful here, liking, sharing, or subscribing helps fellow wanderers find this little pocket of the internet too. And if you subscribe, you’ll also receive Letters from the Void, my newsletter where I share more quiet reflections, behind-the-scenes projects, and updates before they appear anywhere else.

    However you choose to engage — silently reading, reflecting privately, or joining in the conversation — you’re part of this archive. Thank you for being here.

  • Eradicating A Burden: Eliminating Personal Debt to Ascend:

    The Stratagem’s Impediment:

    Welcome fellow Villainous Co-conspirators, for stumbling into The Stratagem; now, today, I’m going to share a predicament that I, The Stratagem’s creator, am facing right now… this burden hinders all people from all walks of life — heroes, villains, anti-heroes, anti-villains, and civilians alike. It is one of the main foundations for any pursuit. This crippling burden I’m speaking of is called, Personal Debt—a significant amount, and if you think heroes are the only ones to throw a wrench in your plans, you are sadly incorrect.

    Do you have any idea why Personal Debt is a far more devastating force to deal with than any other living and conceptual adversary? Imagine this: you have constructed the perfect plan, a plan so diabolical that it could turn the tides to your favor, and all you need to ensure its construction is possible is money. Every fictional villain tends to steal from banks and incredibly wealthy individuals. If operations, tools, gadgets, and personnel could function on hopes and dreams, or fear and anxiety, what then? No, no, no, money isn’t just a symbol of one’s avarice and greed; it is a tool for fair exchange since gadgets, keeping the Stratagem running, and paying for good help takes money. This is how any business functions.

    We need to make sure that every dollar we owe to Personal Debt returns to us for our own personal use. I personally hate debt, especially debt that hinders the individual’s progress, growth, pursuits, and opportunities. Imagine what it would be like to be free from debt, no longer owing money to financial institutions because of an emergency or surprise expense that you didn’t have cash on hand. You could return to your plans of crafting the life you want to be proud of. In the following paragraphs, I’ll share with you what I’ve been doing to eradicate my personal debt, the resources I’ve been learning and from using, and the progress made since taking on this challenge.

    Have You Acknowledged That Something Is Wrong With This Picture?

    During my journey into financial literacy books, videos, and other resources, the one thing that we need to start with in destroying Personal Debt is to acknowledge it— Acknowledge that there’s a limitation preventing you from achieving your goals and halting your plans. My favorite resource to watch that shows what happens when people ignore their debts, who keep racking up new debt onto existing debt, and thinking it’ll magically sort itself out is from a Netflix show called, “How to Get Rich.” If you’ve ever read the book, “I Will Teach You to be Rich” by Ramit Sethi, or watched his YouTube channel by the same name, he has had guests on this show do just that: ignore their debts.

    I think that ignoring your debts is a horrible tactic and it widens the gap between becoming free from it and remaining its hostage. The best financial resources I’ve come across that’s helped me improve my financial literacy and competency(in no way am I affiliated with these resources) are:

    • I Will Teach You to be Rich: The books, journal, and YouTube channel by Ramit Sethi.
    • The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel.
    • The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason (audiobook Narrated by Grover Gardner).
    • Alux.com YouTube channel and app.

    I had improved with how I use the money that I earn, saved, and invested from jobs that let me hide among the masses. These had been the best resources I could find that helps people who don’t have a business or are not self-employed make the most of what they have. I am not affiliated with these people, just a fan of their work, which has helped me see with more clarity than before. Now, let’s move on to how I’ve been tackling my Personal Debt of $17,000.

    The Stratagem’s Aggressive Payoff Strategy:

    How I started to tackle my Personal Debt was to write down how much I owed and what each of my debts APR(Annual Percentage Rate) for each debts (which includes interest rates and fees) and displaying them prominently. For myself, I have a white board on my desk, so I wrote the numbers down.

    • Short-term debt: $5,000
    • Medium-term Debt: $12,000

    The first thing that I decided to do was to put a stop to using my short term debt. I had paid off all other balances using a loan. I didn’t want to spread my money too thin again. Putting your physical and other means of accruing debt away to not use will take willpower to not swipe and increase your debt. Instead, I changed to using a cash envelope system.

    If you’re unfamiliar with what the Cash Envelope System is, it’s where you take out cash each month to pay for your necessities, groceries, gas, and fun activities or things you want to buy on a budget. Using this system will give you pause where you would have to ask yourself: 1)what can I get with X amount of dollars in my hand? 2)am I buying X because I need it or because I want it? These are the few questions I ask myself when I go shopping and I withdraw between $200-$300/week to spend. How I separate the money each week, especially more than $200, let’s use $300 as easy math:

    • $200 for groceries.
    • $40 for gas
    • $20 put away for, as Ramit Sethi coined it, “Guilt Free Spending”.
    • $20 put aside for funding this blog.
    • $20 for whatever cause I will financially support once I reach $100-$200 milestone.

    The second thing that I decided to do was to get a part-time job; this was a personal choice because my full-time job had our hours cut and my paycheck shrank as well. I went job hunting for 1 month looking on Indeed and applying on the company’s job board before getting hired at a rage room part-time. The extra money, even though I had to adapt to extra workload, had helped with making sure my bills were paid. I’m not beneath working 2 jobs, though I am fortunate that both jobs were flexible and worked with me, no one should not feel ashamed for making such a decision.

    Having 2 jobs, though draining, had given me the freedom to use an aggressive pay off method called, The Avalanche Debt Payoff Method. What this means is that you are paying more than the minimum payment towards the debt that has the highest APR. When looking at this from a mathematical perspective, tackling the debt with the highest APR also reduces the amount of interest that could be added on to the existing debt.

    Even though my highest debt is $12,000.00, it would not make mathematical sense if I paid this off first. When using the Avalanche Debt Payoff Method, getting rid of the debt that will accumulate interest fastest will free up more money in the long run. By ensuring that I pay the minimum payment towards my other loan, I’ll be shrinking that loan with less penalties. I’ve been saving as much as $1,000.00 to put towards my credit card debt to pay it down faster. The more money you can put towards it, the faster this burden will be gone.

    A Less Aggressive Option is Available

    I chose the Avalanche Debt Payoff Method because I could pay off my debt aggressively. Thanks to working a full-time job and a part-time job, this option is mathematically sound for my situation. However, for those who aren’t able to use the Avalanche Debt Payoff Method, a less aggressive method is available: The Snowball Debt Payoff Method is used to pay off the smallest debt balance off first and work up towards the highest balance.

    For example, if my $17,000.00 debt were spread across 4 different accounts, using this hypothetical debt to explain this payoff method, you would start by paying off the lowest balance. Then you’d move up to the next balance, until you pay off the next balance, and you focus on the last debt.

    From personal experience, using the Avalanche Debt Payoff Method can feel mentally taxing—you’re seeing a lot of money move from your bank account to pay towards your debt and it can feel as though you’re not making a dent. I’ve thought of many scenarios of what I could be doing, instead of paying off my debts. I could be using that money to:

    • Donate to either a food bank, the blood bank, a school that needs school supplies, to a local library, or a farmer’s market.
    • Buy a nice lunch for my family once a month.
    • Repay my parents money I had borrowed from them for an event I chose to attend last minute.

    These are the things I would do once my debts are paid off. Remember that everyone is facing different challenges and has their own goals. These are mine and I will see them fulfilled.

    This payoff method offers a plethora of benefits that its aggressive counterpart would not. The less aggressive method grants:

    • Bursts of dopamine from eliminating small debts and seeing each debt gone.
    • A sense of accomplishment.
    • Provides an increase of strength to keep pushing through their (financial) challenges.

    This method could also help individuals who are:

    • Working one job.
    • Earn under $50,000/annual salary.
    • Taking care of children, elderly or sick family members.

    For anyone who is already overwhelmed by their debt and other responsibilities, this could offer a sense of accomplishment and as though their situation has hope, instead of seeing it as hopeless.

    Plans Need An End Date

    Regardless of the method you choose to use to pay off your debts, you will need to have an end date for when you will become debt free. Why? Because it gives you something tangible to strive for than leaving it up to chance.

    When I didn’t set a deadline to when I wanted to be debt-free, battling debt felt impossible in the beginning. Not having a deadline drops you into the someday category, the same as how New Year’s Resolutions are: I’ll someday get to travel, or I’ll someday get healthier, or I’ll someday get myself out of debt. NO! Someday, without a goal and a when to strive for, is a wish, not a strategy.

    Go ahead and try it; keep paying your debts without a deadline and see how it feels, then set one. Share how much of a mental shift it is once you’ve tried this out yourself.

    Treat your empire the same as eliminating debt—have a concrete date for when you want to start building your empire, instead of letting it become a someday wish. Otherwise, you will likely be at the mercy of life and nothing will change for you because you followed the same strategies you’ve always followed. We’re not simply Dreamers, Fellow Co-conspirators. We are Dreamers who plans, takes responsibility, and executes on our plans. Now, let’s move on.

    What Happens If You Choose Neither Method?

    If you choose neither method to tackle your debt—then the only thing that will happen would be a longer financial sentence. You need to choose which plan works for your situation and act on it, then you have enough sense to not remain debt’s prisoner.

    You are the only one who gets to decide how to live your life, no one else, especially not some institution who cares about taking as much money from you as possible. That is what we’re here for—fighting for our financial freedom and get back to building our empire!

    Charting Your Course to Financial Domination!

    Understanding your enemy and the damages they can inflict on your rising empire is the first step towards victory. We’ve explored how devastating inaction can be and the immense power the strategies like the Avalanche and Snowball methods. Now, the choice is yours fellow co-conspirators.

    No matter the battlefield you are fighting on, the time to act is now. What course of action are you taking and how you feel about the progress you’ve been making? Share in the comments a glimpse of your journey for other co-conspirators to learn and take inspiration from. Thank you for visiting The Stratagem’s Archives, now build your empire!

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  • 2025 is Nearly Over! A 6-Month Reflection & Projecting Ahead.

    Where Did The Time Go, Co-conspirators?

    The early morning rays had dared to interrupt my slumber. My alarm had futilely blared its presence at 0530, but I laid there, staring at the ceiling, under my warm blanket, and scrolling through the digital void of YouTube for 30 minutes. My plan, a meticulously crafted stratagem for a day off, was to rinse, cleanse, conquer the pavement with a quick jog, the return home for a home workout, shower, laundry, and a decisive jumpstart to my precious free hours.

    It was already past 0730. This procrastination, a momentary lapse in my crafted discipline, was unacceptable. I shot up out of bed, washed, changed into my workout gear, laced on my shoes, then hit the pavement. What would have been a walk around the block became a determined jog to make up for my poor decision of staying in bed. My body and mind were primed for the workout I had planned the night before, climbed the stairs back to my apartment, locked the door behind me, and grabbed my tools of choice.

    After weeks of strategic active resting, it was time to return to being active. With my kettlebells and bands in hand, I was ready to forge myself through training once more:

    • Dynamic warm ups: 3 minutes
    • Banded overhead presses: 3 sets of 10 reps
    • Reverse Lunges: 3 sets of 5 reps each leg

    Then my main workout consisted of the following:

    • 20 lbs Kettlebell Swings: 1 set of 20 reps
    • 20 lbs Kettlebell Deadlift: 3 sets of 10 reps
    • 20lbs Kettlebell squats with calf raises: 3 sets of of 10 reps
    • Body weight push-ups: 3 sets of 10,11, and 12 reps respectively. The last set, a tactical drop to my knees, was still a victory.
    • Finally, a 5 minute cool down period using static stretches, twist holds, bridging, and fluid movement.

    With my workout finished, I took a lukewarm shower to wash away the smell of effort and tossed my dirty clothes into my basket. Today was laundry day, my precious day off from two fronts of income generation. This was my day off and I intended to be productive.

    Thankfully, my apartment complex offers an on-site laundromat, less than a 2 minute stroll from my unit. I loaded my clothes into the wash, set my timer for 50 minutes, and headed back. As soon as I reached the bottom of the steps, slowly climbing, my mind, normally a fortress of strategic and practical thought, was surprisingly blank. Then, it hit me as though lighting struck,:

    ‘Holy crap, it’s already July 1st, the beginning of a new month… 2025 is almost over…’

    My mind was slowly processing this thought, as I ascended the stairs back to my studio. Once I returned to the safety of my living space, it dawned on me; this is the perfect opportunity. A chance to reflect on the battles I’d engaged in and won(or lost) so far this year, and the most strategic place to document it is here on my blog. This blog, this project, that I’ve talked about starting for years, was now real and a tangible fortress I’d begun building. And I’ve been fortifying it brick by deliberate brick.

    Let’s Pause, Reflect, and Dominate!

    How often have you heard someone say, or heard yourself lament, “where did the time go? Another year is almost over!” And then, the polite (or perhaps subtly condescending) inquiry, “have you met any of your New Year’s resolutions yet?” The “New Year, New Me” mentality is a common recurring trend.

    Whether you kept to your goals or abandoned them because life got in the way, that’s okay! Stepping back to gauge where you currently are in your life isn’t about casting judgement; it’s about gathering intelligence. Reflection is a crucial reconnaissance mission: to chart how far you’ve advanced this year, to discern what shifted or remained stagnant, and, most importantly, to extract lessons from your progress, no matter how insignificant, to project victory within the remaining months ahead. This is NOT an option.

    That is the premise behind “Stratagem’s Archive”; my objectives were to dissect my own campaigns: what I’ve deployed, what fascinated me, my strategic objectives, how I execute each idea, and the tangible results of taking decisive action. Here, I reveal the tactic I’ve tested, how I’ve course-corrected, and the necessary adjustments made to maintain momentum despite changes in the battlefield. Even mere thought experiments are crucial for priming the mind for future opportunities.

    Instead of chalking 2025 as another year of time flying by or wondering what you did this year, let’s take a moment to think over a few questions. Some might be simple, others could reveal uncomfortable truths, because, ‘nothing’, is the typical default answer. Let’s begin planning, strategizing, and constructing our own empire one goal, one brick, and one step at a time.

    The Questions Begin Here: YOU Are Here:

    In the last 6-months of 2025, here are a small list of questions to mull over:

    • What’s changed in your personal domain?: Your relationships, habits, health, or finances?
    • What’s changed in your professional sphere?: Your job, career trajectory, projects seized or surrendered, roles mastered, skills mastered and deployed?
    • Regarding your objectives: Which have stalled? Which were rightly abandoned because they were never your battles to fight? Which goals transformed entirely?
    • What constants remained in your life? Your core values and priorities? Any daily routines, both that served you and sabotaged you?
    • What persistent challenges, or which areas demand immediate, undivided attention?
    • Which aspirations remained unwavering?
    • What were your greatest victories, monumental or minute? Acknowledge them, celebrate them.
    • What were the unexpected challenges or strategic detours? What did they force you to learn?
    • What habits or practices served as powerful allies on your journey?
    • What habits or practices proved to be liabilities, holding you back from conquest?

    A Ruthless Self-Reflection

    “Looking back, what’s one thing that you are proud of the most of, and what’s something you could have approached differently?”

    Self-reflection is not a gentle act; it is a brutal, necessary assessment. It is the individual’s imperative to retrace their personal timeline, to identify moments of strength and precision, and to pinpoint where tactics could have been superior. Some people, in their pathetic weakness, weaponize self-reflection to shame others, failing to practice the very discipline they preach. We are not them. We are here to claim our gains and to extract every possible lesson from the trials of the past.

    The prompts above are merely catalysts for your mind to begin its strategic dissection. Countless resources exist – on the internet, in texts, through insightful individuals – if you possess the cunning to seek them out. It demands profound inner strength to gaze upon your past self, your words, and your actions, and to maintain that gaze when the easy path is to recoil in shame, blame, or guilt. Your willingness to engage in this means that a profound shift has occurred within you – a shift you may not have yet the words for. It demands to be acknowledged, flaws and all, because it finally commands a portion of your attention. And it knows you need its guidance to comprehend what has truly changed and what your next move must be.

    The following prompts further insights, designed to converge disparate ideas and unveil something previously inconceivable—something insightful, enlightening, something uniquely yours. It originated from within you; now you have to give it a voice. It is ready to be shard with you, its creator. Document your answers in a journal, a notes app, or an audio recording. This is your historical record, a tangible marker of, ‘this is what I once believed and thought’ versus ‘I no longer wholly agree; something has transformed, and here is what it is.’

    • What was your biggest victory in the first half of 2025?
    • What’s one habit that you will cultivate or ruthlessly eliminate?
    • What’s one area of your life do you want to be more intentional, more dominant?
    • What’s one thing that surprised you the most?

    Engagement: Share Your Intelligence

    Through your period of reflection and assessment, what small insight have you gleaned? Or, what single word would you use to describe the first half of the year for you? Share your intelligence in the comments below.

    We Still Have Time Before 2026 Arrives People!

    Do you comprehend the absurdity of hearing individuals declare, ‘it’s too late to achieve their New Year’s resolutions,’ when only a month or three has passed? Six months into the year, however, presents a significant chasm from January. Yet, consider the undeniable truth: 2025, like all other years, still contains an immense window of opportunity before its official end. While it may be July 1st, at the time of this writing, this year is far from over.

    It’s like being on a malfunctioning escalator and calling for rescue. The escalator may have ceased its ascent, but you are not stuck. It has simply transformed into stairs, and it is time to activate those legs and climb!

    • Look over your original (year long) goals? Are they still relevant? Do they need adjusting based on your review?
    • Break down your larger goals; how might they be broken up to fit into a 3-month and 6-month actionable steps?
    • Remember: focus on the 1-3 areas that you want to work on for the rest of the year. Any progress, despite the length and duration it’s been cultivated, can show more than simply saying you won’t make any.

    Let’s say for example that you want to focus on your health and well-being. How would you be able to group this together? Could we posit that we could group exercise, nutrition, and sleep together? For example: could you take a walk for 5-10 minutes, eat 1 fruit a day, and sleep 10 minutes earlier? Starting small gives you a foundation to build upon until you are able to increase the amount of healthy habits and it becomes an automatic practice, not a punishment.

    This idea can be thought of the same way with other activities and goals: learning new skills, a new language, entering a new industry, pursuing a relationship or repairing one, the possibilities are endless! However, given that we all have so much attention throughout the day, giving your attention to a small amount of projects would help keep you focused and delay feeling overwhelmed. Give it a try and see what happens when you dedicate your attention to 1-3 projects than 3+ projects with the amount of time we have left in this year.

    In order to reinforce these habits and practices to become automatic, set up a monthly or bimonthly review to see how much progress you’ve made so far. It gives you a sense that you made strides from who you were to who you are now and consistent effort and reflection keeps you accountable. It gives you a sense of being responsible for yourself and your actions to keep making progress. The biggest thing here is to remember; plans are guidelines, not strict rules. Plans can be adjusted when known and unknown variables shift, when life gets in the way, and something isn’t working anymore. Being flexible with your goals is just as valuable as it would be for professional pursuits.

    What Are You Willing to Do Now?

    Given how quickly time has flown and we’re already beginning the month of July, I had given myself time to reflect on my own accomplishments, lessons, and goals so far. For instance, my biggest wins I’ve had so far this year were: moving out of my family’s home and living on my own. I wanted to know what it was like to live on my own and be responsible for myself, not because I was kicked out or I wasn’t happy at home. I’ve grown to become reliant on myself, evaluating my interests and values and priorities and relationships in my own environment had been eye opening. It got to the point where I’ve had to say goodbye to relationships and hobbies that were no longer mutually respectful between myself and those I was friends with.

    The main lesson I’ve learned came from making financial choices without thinking things through and without doing the math. I’ve accumulated over $5,000 in credit card debt with rent, expenses, recurring programs, and a paid program to help me find my dream job. They’ve compounded and I still had the mentality that I was still living at home with little consequence and thought and my credit card has an APR of 25.26%. That’s huge for someone in a low income bracket, but that was my choice.

    Prior to moving out, I also took out a $13,000 personal loan with an 8.70% interest rate to help pay down a different credit card that had a $7,000 balance on it for car repairs I couldn’t pay upfront. The 19% APR was killing me and I despise being in debt, so a personal loan made sense living at home, but not so much living on your own. I took it upon myself to work a full time job and a part time job to aggressively pay down my debts. My goal is to avalanche the most funds towards my $5,000 balance first because of the APR, then allocate those funds to pay off my personal loan. By doing the math, I’ve projected that I’ll be able to aggressively pay off my credit card by the beginning of November to the end of December, 2025.

    As soon as I’m able to deal with my credit card, I’ll focus on my personal loan and use the same aggressive approach. I’ve projected that I’ll be able to pay this off, even with a small interest rate and monthly payments, by next year June-July. Working two jobs, eating poorly or nothing after a certain time, and getting very little sleep during my work week is the price I’m paying to get out of my debt. I could use those freed up funds to invest more into my Roth account, build up a bigger emergency fund, and have money to spend guilt free each month. I’m much more conscious of my spending and I’m doing what I can to make sure I won’t make the same financial mistakes again. I’ll be much more prepared next time with the funds ready to be deployed than needing to borrow again.

    Finally, the area of my life that I want to be more intentional in are with my friendships. I briefly mentioned that I’ve had to say goodbye to friendships that were no longer mutually aligned and weren’t supporting both parties involved. I’ve learned what my values and boundaries are and they had been repeatedly violated when I clearly stated something was not okay or I wasn’t available then made myself available to make other people happy and myself miserable. It was a matter of when to move on and I chose to let go this year then let things continue the course it was on.

    I’m currently debating with myself about handling a decade long friendship. I don’t see myself being valued or included into my friend’s life anymore, so

    I’ve been reflecting about what to do next; the two of us are on different life paths, we don’t have much in common anymore from when we were two broke college kids, I felt unheard when I expressed my needs and values and how it felt being around my friend and his girlfriend. I adore his girlfriend, but she’s not responsible for my friend’s actions, or lack thereof, and I’ve expressed that she shouldn’t take away my friend’s autonomy to communicate with me on his own terms. I want to have an adult conversation, but that isn’t going to be happening anytime soon.

    I’ve shared my thoughts, set my boundaries, and I’ve just been distancing myself from this friend. I had shared that I am busy with work and I’ll get back to either of them when I’m available, but I’m not ready to have that conversation yet. If I don’t then, I could regret it for the rest of my life. If I don’t then, then I better prepare myself to lose something and someone I held with high regard. Right now, I just see the shell of the people we used to be and our dynamics has grown in different directions, it’s one sided and not sustainable anymore. But that is my problem to face, so that will be a conversation for another time.

    Wrap It Up Here, P2A.

    In conclusion, keep these reflections and plans in mind, they can help with whatever you are pursuing or with what you want to pursue. It’s almost like what Tow Mater from “Cars” told Lightning McQueen about his ability to drive in reverse without crashing; “I don’t need to see where I’m going; I just need to know where I’ve been.” If you don’t know where you’ve been, then how can you know where you’re going? Food for thought. Thank you for taking the time to read this long one, and I’ll see you in another one!

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    I write about creativity, coding, art, and personal growth.

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  • The Courage to Start: Doing Something Uncomfortable Before It’s Too Late

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Why Starting Feels Uncomfortable (and Why That’s Okay)

    When I first thought about starting my blog, discomfort wasn’t just a passing feeling—it was a weight. Thoughts swirled in my head:

    “You’re falling behind in life.” “You’re stuck in jobs that only keep you afloat.” “Why aren’t you building something of your own?”

    That spiral came from something as small as reading a chapter of The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber. Suddenly, I was face-to-face with questions I had avoided for years.

    Life in the Grind: Between Gratitude and Restlessness

    I’ve been lucky in many ways:

    • I live on my own in a small studio.
    • I have steady full-time work with benefits.
    • I pick up part-time hours on top of that.
    • I see family often, and I’m not alone.

    But I also know the grind: 3AM alarms, long commutes, and sitting in traffic wondering if this is all my life will be. I should be grateful (and I am), but envy and restlessness creep in. I want more—more peace, more freedom, more of a life that feels like mine.

    Why I Finally Chose to Write

    I knew I couldn’t keep waiting for the “perfect time.” If I didn’t start now, I might never start at all. A blog felt like:

    A break in my exhausting routine. A way to sharpen my voice and courage. Proof that clumsy and done is better than perfect and never begun.

    This space isn’t about being polished—it’s about being present, learning, and creating even when it feels uncomfortable.

    The Dragon We All Face

    Many of us wrestle with that question: “Am I doing enough?” The truth is, it’s never comfortable to face it. But discomfort is a sign of movement, of growth, of slaying the small dragons that keep us from even trying.

    I don’t have the answers yet. But I know this: starting, no matter how small, is already a victory.

    A Note to Fellow Archivists

    If you’ve found your way here—whether in the early morning hours, on a restless night, or during a pause in your own journey—know this space is for you too. This little archive is a safe place to reflect on your path, even if it doesn’t fit neatly into life’s expectations.

    If something here resonates, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you’d like to walk alongside me, subscribing means you’ll also get my Letters from the Void—personal reflections and early glimpses of projects I’m building behind the scenes. And a copy of The Stratagem’s Manifesto as a thank you gift from me to you for subscribing.

    Because sometimes, finding each other in the noise is proof that we’re not as alone as we thought.

    Other Articles

    If you’d like to explore more about doing things even though you’re not ready to comfortable to, I have other articles below too check out:

    Gifts From The Archives