Similar, But Not The Same

I wouldn’t know where to begin if I were to describe myself to someone, be it familiar or stranger. No two people would say the same thing twice. I could be anything to anyone at any point in time:

• Friendly
• Empty
• Neurotic
• Dull
• Lazy
• Bitter
• Angry
• Excited
• Loyal
• Curious
• Inquisitive
• Experimental

I could be everything in between or nothing at all to anyone. I could be polarizing, neutral, or static, but the answer changes and it’s never consistent. We’re all the strange phenomena of, “Schrödinger’s Cat” – we’re all walking paradoxes of being both alive and dead – we’ll never know the answer unless we open the box, right?

Even if my task is to describe myself to someone, I wouldn’t be able to. I, myself, have an insufficient vocabulary, so, I wouldn’t have much words to properly express myself well. I am whatever the other person perceives me to be and nothing – reputation or action – could change their mind. I’ve slowly have come to terms with not changing someone else’s mind. Trying to is a terrible waste of time, energy, and resources.

The one thing that I could share though, despite it all, is that I’m still here; I’m still navigating the complexities of life and seeking simple pleasures wherever and however I can. I know I’ve made strides from the person I used to be to be who I’ve grown into, but old patterns linger and have festered when I thought they were gone. Nope. Out of sight, sure, but never far from mind.

So, in essence, I’m still fighting to live, fighting to remain, the only word here is fight. I might not be standing on a blue mat, I’ve been thrown around by life, be it by choice or circumstance: surviving, battered, beaten, bloodied, even without obvious evidence showing otherwise. I get up against my severe need for rest and I keep getting slammed anyways. Eventually, I’ll be able to retaliate, I’m bidding my time and waiting for the chance to strike. I know how far I’ve traveled in my own journey, some people don’t need an explanation, only I do and that’s enough.