What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
The kind of changes that I would like my blog to achieve would be what I had originally planned it to be – a place where I could share my thoughts and ideas, archive the things that I’ve been trying my hand at and what I’ve learned so far, and possibly connect with people who might have similar interests as well.
I had let fear stop me from trying new things and from pursuing things I wanted to because I believed it was difficult and I was intellectually challenged to learn. It wasn’t because I was dumb, rather I had been in a state of “learned helplessness”, I was inadvertently taught to give up and do something I could comprehend instead of pushing through.
After years of allowing this trend to stop me, I finally started my own blog and I’ve been using it to share my progress, interests, and lessons learned from the day to day of my life or from lessons learned from somewhere else. I got fed up with living in faer, with stopping myself from trying new things, and from not exploring sooner because I am feeling behind in life.
Despite feeling this way, I have a literal written record of what I’ve been doing, trying, and applying in my life through WordPress, through The Stratagem’s Archives, originally known as Plans2Action, to keep me accountable on my plans and executing on them while I’m still alive. I won’t have a lot of stories to take with me into my next life if I didn’t do anything new or had finished something to completion.
Even if my blog doesn’t change the world or impact the lives of others in some large or small way. The only life that it should change is ultimately mine and this venture had been no small feat since starting. But it had led to some pretty grand ideas to formulate and execute on, right? I’ll see how this will go for me; I’m simply “Just an average dilettante who likes learning new things, see what outcomes I get, and share what I’ve learned here.”
I could imagine that an Alternative version of Me would have pushed through a lot of things. Alternative Me would have:
Stood her ground or walked away from friendships that weren’t supportive of her.
Avoided being a victim of stalking from discerning people sooner.
Stopped being a people pleaser ASAP.
Pushed through 1 more year of wrestling.
Started many projects early on: YouTube, blogging, coding, game design, locking picking, investing, etc.
Pursued scholarships to afford a full 4 years of university.
Pursued a mentorship or went abroad for school.
Avoided (personal loan) debts and paid with cash (for most things).
Found an apartment sooner to learn independent living, rely on family less sooner too.
Took my nutrition, sleep, and health more seriously.
Spent more time hanging out with family than shutting herself in her room over the years.
Everything I currently am, the lessons I’ve learned up until now, this alternate me would have learned sooner and done things sooner with a broader and larger portfolio than what I currently have built up so far.
Very likely I would have explored and been exposed to different fields, different people, experiences, and lessons sooner because I stood up for myself and didn’t let fear control me as my current self had done for years.
So afraid of being alone, I clung to horrible friendships; So afraid of failure, I struggle to accept compliments and need constant reassurance that I’m doing alright; So terrified of being criticized that I never improving my skills or further my learning: writing, sketching, health, investing, anything until 2023 to 2025.
But I can’t dwell on the past or on what I should have done, I’ll become depressed, and I’ll need to keep working on myself and pursue the things I want to while I still have the time. I had wasted years on hypotheticals that my reality had declined until this year alone, that it’s time to put in the work now more than ever. Time to improve, learn from the past, and build my present and future regardless of where I am today!
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?
Before every Outback Steakhouse closed down in my state, it was the restaurant that my family would go to for lunch and dinner. It was the closest, and one of the better, sit down restaurant where it would be roughly a 20 minute drive for both sides of our family to get there.
We used to buy a lot of appetizers before the entrees and then pack in dessert. For 2 people in a HCOL state, $200 is roughly the norm, including tip as well.
The reason Outback was special was because it had been where I used to take my grandpa for his birthdays – I wasn’t making much money, but it was worth spending the little money I was earning – to hang out and talk stories with him.
Good food, good company, what else could anyone ask for?
I hadn’t hung out with my grandparent’s on my Mom’s side often, I usually didn’t feel like going to visit their house because I just preferred to stay home. Although, I used to work the night shift before, so I couldn’t hang out regardless during the week.
Just so happen, my grandpa’s birthday landed on my days off, so I called him to hang out and we met up. He’d try to ask me if we could do lunch whenever I was free, but our days wouldn’t always line up because of our jobs. Gramps wasn’t retired yet, he was pretty young, so the movie productions would call him to work and I had my job to do too.
Anyways, I remember some of the stories he used to tell me:
His time in the US Army after her graduated high school.
When he was stationed in Japan and in South Korea during the Propaganda war between North and South Korea, I think. (I remember the propaganda part, that was crazy!)
He was one of the few American soldiers that was able to compete, and win, in the Korean soldier’s Taekwondo military competitions.
He used to be the unofficial quartermaster in his unit. Whatever you needed: money, steaks, cigarettes, beer, he was able to get it and provided. He even remembered selling to his CO’s and they wouldn’t bother.
I remember that he shared a few of his regrets. Gramps was a stubborn guy, like it was either his way or the highway kind of stubborn. He wished he made different choices if he had the chance. He told me that he:
Wished he stayed the full 20 years of active service to have gotten the pension and benefits from the military. He only completed 17 years.
Instead of joining the movie productions as an equipment driver, he wished he became a Stevedore instead. He mentioned they had great benefits and were part of a good union, but he was young and arrogant then.
My Grandpa seemed vulnerable during those moments. I know that, as he got weaker, no one took him seriously at the house. I would tell my younger cousins that, if Gramps was as young as he was when I came into the picture, they’d be shitting themselves.
They didn’t believe me because the Gramps they grew up with was very different from the Gramps I grew up with.
At family gatherings, I’d help him cook. He’d show me how he did things, be it steak or making shrimp tempura from scratch. I listened when I was there because it seemed no one else was listening. Not even my younger, and his favorite of us, cousins.
We recently had his funeral – he was in and out of the hospitals and we all thought he was getting better – and it didn’t look like he was dead in his casket. He looked like he was sleeping instead.
I waited to see if he was going to sit up and have this as some sick joke because we didn’t visit as often like we said, make us come together in a morbid way. But he didn’t. He didn’t wake up.
Much like my other grandpa who died when I was graduating Elementary school, though he had Alzheimer’s, I’ll eventually forget this grandpa’s stories: I’ll forget how he sounds like, what he smelled like, how he used to play music and sing. I might eventually forget the songs he sang along to too. I know what they are, I had most of them on my first IPhone in high school, but I won’t be able to hear him sing along anymore.
Just like my other grandpa who passed years prior, the only memory I can remember is when he used to hum to himself. Just a tune when his mind was good. I used to copy him intuitively to remember. Even his tune is a broken forgotten melody I struggle to pull to the surface.
Even though I didn’t have the money then, I could have made more money, made more time for him. But I was more worried about my paternal Grandma I lived with because she was much older than my maternal grandpa that I thought we’d have more time.
The last time he was strong was when we celebrated my 28th birthday at the Cheesecake Factory last year. I was working the night shift when he passed away in the hospital this year.
My parents told me the morning after I finished work, and on my day off, that he passed and I asked them why they didn’t call me. They said that they didn’t want to tell me while I was working and that they didn’t want me to remember my gramps’s last moments with his passing.
I could have at least been there, but that time passed and now he’s gone. I don’t think of him much these days, but when I do, I still cry. Like I didn’t grieve enough at his funeral.
I wish I had more time, I wish I didn’t waste what time I had, and I’d trade all the money I have and more if I could have been around more. But I can’t and I’ve learned from my mistakes with my surviving Grandmas. Do more than I did before.
Even though I had spent $200 at Outback to celebrate the few birthdays the two of us went for him, it was worth the memories we have and I miss him.
I can enjoy a few small things that make me forget the insanity of the world and my current place in it – most are free and others have a monetary price – as these ground me most days. These take my mind off of whatever distresses me and I’m able to temporarily return to a baseline of calm and ease.
This isn’t a comprehensive list, though it is long, but it’s not everything that brings me joy. You know when you have a lot of interests and you have to narrow things down to fit on an index card? Yeah, I had to do that here. What usually brings me joy, the order is of no importance, is:
A walk around the neighborhood
A hot bath after a long day of working
A good book to read
A good pen to write with and a good journal to write in
Good music to listen to
A good movie to watch
Making time to sketch
Playing a good game (video, card, reading, or D&D)
Letting a YouTube “Let’s Play” playlist play in the background
Cooking a nice meal for myself and for family
Solving a problem that’s stumped me
Learning something new and interesting: be it a fact, skill, or a secret
Talking stories and listening to someone talk
Existing alone in silence
Visiting a bookstore and libraries
Going someplace where no one knows you
Collecting foreign currency
Being alive as a means for revenge
In these rare moments I focus on doing something or nothing is when I’m most free.
I’m not struggling to meet some arbitrary standard, not trying to impress someone who decides whether or not I’m worthy of something they have power over, not trying to do something that could benefit someone else through my work and efforts.
A brief reprieve, a moment to simply exist.
A moment to let the voices outside of me, and inside my head, to fall away, and I’m left in silence before the noise takes over again. Thank you for reading this one, I’ll see you when the archives opens again.
Welcome, Co-conspirators, the Stratagem’s Archives are now open for perusing. Today, I will be shifting the topics over to creative outlets and will be presenting a remastering of old sketches.
Not only will I be remastering a sketch and presenting them here, but I will also create a new sketch of the same source material that will include: shading, coloring, and perspective, using traditional methods. I will be using printer paper, a mechanical pencil with 0.5mm lead, and Crayola colored pencils.
I had taught myself years prior using references, watching YouTube videos (AKA Mark Crilley), video games, animation, and books. Although, I have always been highly critical of my work, I am willing to share my progress and the steps I’ll be taking to improve my current skills.
The sketches that I will be showcasing here can be considered fan art for a text based reading game called, “The Samurai of Hyuga” from Choice of Games LLC’s second app, “Hosted Games LLC” by Devon Connell.
Text Based Game Inspiration
The characters below are the potential romantic love interest(s), friend, enemy, or ex-lover of the player character. It depends on how you, the player, interact with the story and which kinds of relationships you want to pursue with the characters.
They each have their role in the story and, at the time of this writing, “The Samurai of Hyuga” has 5 books. I’m waiting to see how the story progresses, however, this is how I envisioned the following characters to look like.
Momoko Hayami and Junko Uesugi have confirmed sketches provided by the author and the artist that works on their projects. But my sketches were before those official concept arts were released.
From Right to Left: The Doctor, Momoko Hayami; The Ronin, Junko Uesugi; The Kunoichi, Toshie. Drawn on 12/23/2017
The following project will be using The Ronin, Junko Uesugi, as my reference. The picture above is Junko being introduced in the ending of Book 1 and in the beginning of Book 2. I do have another sketch of her, made three years later, with how I had imagined she’d appear in book 4.
There is a blank space to the left because I was going to include a background years prior. But I gave up on that because I liked how Junko came out here. I didn’t want to ruin this drawing by doing something I believed I was going to mess up on. However, for this coming project, that is going to change.
Several New Artistic Challenge to Undertake!
So, with these new artistic challenges, I’ll be showing my step-by-step process in creating a new “Junko Uesugi” with a dynamic poses, adding a background, including color, and shading. The first thing I will show will be the pose itself and how the baseline will be starting out.
The “skeletal” base for Junko Uesugi from “The Samurai of Hyuga”: 7/29/25
I’ve never used to use a baseline to draw before, but it felt appropriate here. I wanted to challenge myself, and challenged I was when starting this out. In the past, using shapes and lines to map out the body, proportions, and angles was strange and I thought that it wasn’t necessary.
You could probably tell that I didn’t properly learn art, but learned from watching anime, cartoons, and playing video games.
I’ve been searching on YouTube for tips and advice that could help me with improving drawing dynamic poses and came across “YTartschool” that mentions to use asymmetry because symmetry is what will throw everything off.
“JustinArts” mentioned to use myself as a reference by taking pictures, which I’ve done in the past, though I hope I’ll be able to personally capture, not only the pose, the right emotion I want to create.
Hopefully, as I add more details, I’ll be able to figure out how to focus on depth and perspective. I’m so used to using a more forward facing profile that I struggled to get a side front profile. I’ve usually started from the head and neck down, but I started from the hips and shoulders, then worked my way upwards.
Adding details to the “skeleton”: 7/29/25
So much of this process is new to me: the pose, the body placements, just figuring out the proportions is difficult for me because I’m just used to jumping into things and going from there. If you were to look at my previous above examples, you could see that they’re all static, stiff, and lacks dynamism.
I’m seeing that this draft looks good so far, but I am doing my best to not jinx myself or criticize before I can get the details in.
More details to Junko Uesugi: 7/29/25
Okay, this came out better than I thought, but I’m getting nervous the more I work on this project. Besides anatomy, perspective, profiles, and everything else needed to make good to great art, I didn’t teach myself to learn clothing, fabrics, and how they crease or flow.
I could have used my own gauze to see how it would look wrapped around a person live, or used a blanket for the pants, but I went with an easier option. I just drew lines and made sure it follows the curves of the body, so I have another project to pursue next time!
In Conclusion
After not having drawn anything for what felt like years, I have grown pleasantly surprised with how this project came out.
Most likely I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I can’t learn or see my mistakes if I don’t make things and see where needs work.
So, I’ll be making part 2 and post it at a later date. Very likely I’ll make a few copies of this sketch so that, when I work on the backgrounds, shading, and color, I have backups to use in case I can’t undo my mistakes like digital art can.
If you’ve been away from your creative and artistic outlet, then let me know in the comments below; what got you back into the activity, what did you make recently, and what your thoughts were from such a long hiatus?
Thank you for taking the time to look over my progress and reading my process. The archives will now be closing and I’ll see you in part 2!
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I’m curious about a lot of things and, like everything in life, time is in limited supply and high demand! However, I’m most curious about whether I’m capable of learning and applying new skills and hobbies. I have a whole list of things I want to see if I could do it:
Parkour
Rock climbing
Boxing
MMA
Playing an instrument: piano, keyboard, or guitar
Painting with acrylics (its what I have)
Coding/cyber security
Homesteading
Bartending
Game design or storytelling
Living alone without technology for however many days I can last
This is just the starter list. The last point is something that I want to try before I die. Majority of the things I could be curious about: quantum physics, engineering, robotics, architecture, history, and all those other advanced subjects I could thankfully learn from documentaries, museums, and other materials.
Maybe we’ve gotten so used to the saying that, “if someone did something, then it’s already been done.”
Of course someone did something, it’s something they’ve done, but could we turn the question onto ourselves for a second.
What is something you’ve always wanted to do, never did it yet, that you could eventually end up doing today or soon?
No more putting things off like months or years prior. Being a healthy nosy person lets you follow your curiosity and act on it.
You see a store you never heard of? Might as well take a look inside and ask around; Hear music and glass breaking somewhere, but no danger or distress around? Either people are ignoring the sound or it could be a rage room, who knows?
I did this at an anime convention this year, if anyone is familiar with the game because I’m not, with the cast of “Baldur’s Gate 3” were part of the guest roster.
Neil Newbom, Devora Wilde, Jennifer English, and Theo Solomon were present, there were a lot of the cosplays as Baldur’s Gate 3 was the new Homestuck blocking the fire emergency exit because that’s how much of them had, and it was insane!
I only knew of these people from watching YouTube D&D sessions from Wizards of the Coast channel. I’ve never played or watched anything Baldur’s Gate 3 related except those D&D sessions. I only knew, at the time, that I wanted to say hi to Devora Wilde because she seemed unapologetically chaotic and I vibed with that.
When at the convention, saw they were having their signings, went up to Devora Wilde’s table and straight up admitted that, “I didn’t know who she or her friends were, I didn’t know the game they were from, and I only knew of them from D&D, but I wanted to say hi.”
She was really nice, she was someone I had to look up to because she was taller than myself, and she took the pictures with my phone. It was a pretty fun moment and I managed to get a hug from her.
Sadly, I forget that I can’t always lift people up, especially strangers, because that’s how I show excitement: trying to crush the life out of you and lift you off of the ground, which I did do as a habit when someone lets me hug them. I’m also a grappler, but I digress.
Either way, that was my experience; I don’t know if I should regret it, cringe over it, or cry over what I did, but I have to accept that I did that. I got to meet someone that other people were so excited to meet and had my time with someone who I could live vicariously through her work, but wouldn’t want to trade my life for hers.
I don’t know if I met the actual person or her character, but I’m glad I did it anyways.
Bit by bit, I’m building up my own reservoir of story material and life experiences. The only way to achieve this, despite our fear telling us otherwise, is to follow our curiosity one check marked off our, what I call, a “bullshit bucket list”, at a time.
Physical movement has given me a sense of contentment; maybe not outright joy or elation, but rather a sense of being present and small doses of dopamine. When I’m strolling around, working out, even doing chores, I’m focused on the task at hand than ruminating about my mistakes or anxiously fearing the future. I’m temporarily present in the moment and I feel a brief relief from life.
More often, I’ll take short walks around the block to collect coins and cards on this app called, WeWard, my family got me into using it. Like any fitness tracking app, it’ll count your steps, (total) distance, and how much calories you burned for the day.
The difference, and this is my assumption, is that WeWard lets you compete with family and friends that you’re following, are being followed back, you are rewarded coins for hitting milestones that can be converted into real money, you can gain experience points while competing with people in the same league as you, and it practically incentivizes you to keep walking consistently.
You could walk the dog, take a stroll, do chores, walk to the store, very likely even using a skateboard, a hoverboard, roller skates, gliding, using a wheelchair, an electric scooter, or floating in midair, whatever you have available! Seriously, if you work on an airport and you drive the tugs, it counts! I’ve tried it at work when driving because I’m allowed to have my phone in case my radio is out of range and I can’t reach my job.
As long as you are moving, and the app is able to calculate your distance traveled, you are able to benefit from this app. It also, like many things that gamify our real life progress, it has a consistency streak that keeps track how engage you are per day. I’m going on to being consistent with submitting my steps for 85 days now, I don’t want to break this streak, and I’m going to keep collecting experience points, coins, and cards to progress in my app and until I have enough coins to convert into gift cards.
Quick Mention
I’m not an affiliate of this app, I don’t benefit financially from sharing this app, unless it’s for referral then I’ll get 50 coins per referral to the app. I’ve found it very useful since I was against it initially – thought it was going to be something my family would try then stop using, but its going to be close to 3 months, so its being used for its intended purpose.
I would benefit most if people gave this app a try, found it useful, and if they could share how they fare from using it in the comments below. Thank you for reading this one!
If you could bring back one dinosaur, which one would it be?
I had browsed through the other answers provided for this prompt and, I have to say, I agree with the people who said that they wouldn’t want to let Jurassic Park become reality; I wouldn’t want to let that movie become reality either and that would be a nightmare to experience. I’m still haunted by the scene from the first “Jurassic World” movie where that lady was grabbed the Pterodactyls and then was eaten by that large aquatic dinosaur whole.
I’ve also watched “Attack on Titan” and remembered season one when Eren Jaeger was eaten by that one random Titan whole and he was just sitting, while alive and conscious, in the Titan’s stomach acid. Even another person was sitting, being boiled alive by the stomach acid, for a moment before she died a slow and painful death.
That is pretty much what that scene from the”Jurassic World” made me think of, except that lady wasn’t the main character, let alone a secondary main character, and the writer’s killed her off in one of the most gruesome ways possible. She was swallowed whole and very likely died slowly and very painfully, alone and afraid and rather unnecessarily. I get that it was probably for shock value, but I had nightmares when I saw that scene.
I refuse to rewatch that one movie only because of that scene. I’ll watch all the other installments, but I refuse to watch that one particular movie. You couldn’t pay me enough money to sit and watch the movie. Not even for one billion dollars! I could tell you what I would do if I had one billion dollars in this article, What Would You Do If You Had 24 hours to Spend 1 Billion Dollars? And I can tell you right now that watching “Jurassic World” IS NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS!!!
Thank you for taking the time to read my rants. I’ll see you in another one!
The food I’ve always found comfort in is usually sweet, especially if it’s chocolate:
Milk chocolate
Dark chocolate
Dobash cake (I just learned this is the Hawaiian variation of a Hungarian cake, then adapted in New Orleans, called, “Dobosh torte. I didn’t know this was a thing and I grew up with Dobash cake!!!)
Chocolate ice cream
Triple chocolate fudge ice cream
World class chocolate
Chocolate with caramel (Rolo’s)
Belgian chocolate (I WILL go to Belgium for the chocolate alone!!!)
Chocolate Chantilly cake (Hawaiian style, not Mainland style)
Anything that has chocolate, as long as it doesn’t have nuts or mint or coconut shreds or is white chocolate, I’ll eat it. I’ve been made fun of for liking a “very plain” flavor and I just shake my head at people. Like, “Seriously? I don’t make fun of whatever flavor you like and you throwing shade at what I like? Forget you! I wouldn’t want to share anything more with you anyways.”
There might be other types of chocolate that I’ve never heard of, but as long as it doesn’t have any of the things I listed above, then I would like to try it. Everyone has their own way of making chocolate, so I wouldn’t mind getting diabetes (knock on wood) if I got to try the differences in other people’s chocolate!
That should be the reason I should travel, besides visiting the local libraries and bookstores in the area of whatever state and country I would like to visit; I should go on a chocolate tasting spree! I wonder where I could go after visiting Belgium being my first stop. Where else in the world could have really good chocolate treats? If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know in the comment section. It would greatly help me map out the destinations I could go. Thank you!
Some aspects of a typical day followed the same patterns that I barely noticed, though noticed enough, the disruption in said patterns. The day only becomes “atypical” if I believe something has changed, something shifted, and I experience a mixture of emotions all at once:
I felt dread and trepidation because my vacation ended, I have to return to my full-time job that drains me. Yet, I feel relieved that I can step away from the keyboard for a little bit.
I felt hatred and resentment towards myself because not much has changed since taking my vacation; I’m still working for a corporation that pays me well enough being a college drop out, offers great benefits, but kills me on the inside every second I’m present. However, I get to dictate what I want and can do in the day.
I’ve gotten curious to try something’s from Pinterest because I want to be proven right and wrong at the same time. At least, until I can work at my part time rage room job, then I’ll be hating everything and everyone at work. Unfortunately, that’s typical for me until I wake up without the help of caffeine or energy drinks.
I’d want to finish up the work week already, jump straight back to being my days off, so I get to decide how to spend my time without someone looming over my shoulder or dictating me: be it learning, experimenting, or pursuing new outlets and passions.
I feel dreadful that I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t have much energy to bother, but I have to get up, follow my routine, or I’ll fall behind again.
The main difference from my typical day shifting to an atypical one is mostly from the small progress and projects I hadn’t done before, but gave it a try anyways.
Been working on my story telling and writing skills.
Read and finished 1 more book than the prior years.
Learned and advocated my needs and boundaries, even if that meant walking away from people I used to call “friends”, but they never really called me that in return.
Taking charge and accumulating wins from the moment I wake up to when it’s time to sleep again.
The list goes on and on, it provides a small silver lining within my usual pessimistic and neurotic perspective, yet I am grateful that things are slowly changing. Small acts of courage, even when I feel afraid, has given me another “second chance” I never gave myself years prior. Things can change, are changing, and are becoming something different that I can’t wait to see what and where it could lead to.
I’m terrified, although I feel more courageous to move forward regardless of that fear, and that is the most atypical of a day it could get for me. Wouldn’t that be one of the best feelings in the world to experience?
Slight Change in The “Typical/Atypical” Part:
Update: So, this became an atypical day because a few things happened today:
1) According to my coworker, we had a tsunami watch last week, even though I told her that I didn’t get a notification. She said a lot of people didn’t get it, but lots saw it on Facebook, which I don’t have.
2) The tsunami watch was supposed to have ended the same week it was announced, but it didn’t.
3) Now, the watch became a tsunami threat, so a lot of people were panicking, driving crazy, all because, and I understand, they’re trying to get home to evacuate the coastal areas and move to higher ground or further inland.
Thankfully, I made it home to my apartment, my family are packing everything to move to higher ground or further inland, but this has been the first ever tsunami threat in probably decades. We’ve been able to avoid a lot of tsunamis and hurricanes for a long time now. I guess Mother Nature decided we needed a wake up call, get us to set our priorities straight, and see if we are ready for her violent and vicious visit approaching in a few hours after this update.
I’ll just have to wait and see. Hopefully, everyone makes it to where they have to go safely because I’ve seen first hand how crazy people can get from small inconveniences. I know I would get upset and mad if someone cuts me off in traffic without using their blinker. That’s over an inconvenience.
But when we feel our life, and our loved one’s lives, are being really threatened? That’s a completely different story. But the only thing we can do, especially what I can do, is wait and see. Thanks for letting me rant a bit, but things should be okay for now.
