The Stratagem’s Archive

Category: blogging

  • 2025 is Nearly Over: What 5 Months Did to Me (And For Me)

    Another Year Coming to a Close—Let’s Look Back Before We Look Ahead

    Oh man. I can still feel the awkwardness of trying to force my blog’s identity into a “real life mastermind/villain” aesthetic.

    My fourth article—the infamous “2025 Is Nearly Over: A 6-Month Reflection & Projecting Ahead”—was my attempt to be clever, narrating like a stylish antagonist.

    What can I say? I liked fictional villains:

    Mads Mikkelsen’s Hannibal (peak elegance)

    BBC’s Moriarty (feral chaos gremlin energy)

    Garou from One Punch Man (antihero goals)

    But rereading that post now? It felt like finding an old childhood journal—full-body cringe.

    The same cringe I felt during my gamer/emo phase. (For the record: no piercings, no dyed hair, and my vampire/werewolf fascination was definitely NOT Twilight-related.)

    Here’s the thing: cringe is often just past-you doing the best you could with the tools you had. June-Me really was.

    This continuing reflection? That’s Present-Me building on top of the foundation Past-Me laid down.

    What’s Changed Since This Post?

    Well, for starters, the mastermind/villain writing aesthetic is gone. My writing no longer reads like an edge-lord making edginess their personality.

    I’ve shifted toward chronicling experiences, sharing interesting experiments, mulling “what if” scenarios, and yes—still procrastinating on folding my laundry.

    I changed my handle from Plans2Action to The Stratagem’s Archive, which felt cooler and better suited to reflecting on life while helping readers explore their own experiences as Fellow Archivists.

    And here’s the big difference: I’m not fueled by rage anymore. I’ve felt like an underdog my whole life—no talent, no skill, no charisma, just heart to keep going—but now, I’m not trying to prove anyone wrong. The people I once wanted to impress? I was chasing the wrong audience.

    I’m ugly. Bitter. Wretched.

    But also hopeful, exhausted through sheer willpower most days, and making my way through life with what I have—at a pace that doesn’t burn me out, doesn’t make me hate myself, and allows me to enjoy the frustrating process along the way.

    Things Still Feel Surreal Months Into 2025

    I still can’t believe how much The Stratagem’s Archive grew. It started as a way to get thoughts out of my head before they rotted. Now:

    And all of this is something Past-Me would never believe possible.

    It’s not just the blog that’s grown. I’ve grown too:

    • Renting my own studio
    • Managing my money and building for my future
    • Feeling at home being asexual
    • Navigating friendships with clear boundaries
    • Making my own map of life instead of blindly following someone else’s blueprint

    Younger me would never have imagined this life. And yet, here I am—living life my way, not punishing myself for unconventional choices, and enjoying the messy journey.

    What’s Next, Moving Towards 2026?

    Ain’t that the question we ask every new year? New Year’s resolutions, envy, self-doubt, the constant “am I doing enough?”

    I don’t know what’s next. Maybe I won’t have a corner office. Maybe I won’t run a Spartan race. Maybe I’ll learn Korean just to try something fun. Who knows?

    What I do know: I’ll keep working on The Stratagem’s Archive, posting when I can—not chasing numbers like an addict—living life, writing, training, exploring, and seeing what else life offers.

    Reflective Questions for Fellow Archivists

    Looking back, what part of your past-you makes you cringe but also feel grateful?

    Which accomplishments in the last months are invisible but meaningful to you?

    If the next 5 months were yours to design, without limits, what would you focus on?

    Thank You, Fellow Archivists

    Whether you silently follow, like, comment, or share, thank you for spending your time here. Your presence, curiosity, and engagement—however big or small—are what make this archive worthwhile.

    Here’s to 2026: one reflection, experiment, and late-night thought at a time.

    Check Out The Archives Below:

  • My 1-Month Primal Queen Experiment: Tracking Real Results and Supplement Effects 2 Weeks In

    Author’s Note:

    Primal Queen is a women’s health supplement. This post is NOT sponsored—I found it because my Ma swears it helped her hot flashes, so naturally, she shoved it in my face. I’m giving it a try.

    I’m not a medical professional, and everything here is my experience only. Fellow archivists, take notes, experiment safely, and remember—your body might have a totally different story.

    Why Am I Talking About a Women’s Health Supplement?

    Simple. Thanks for asking!

    1. If you’ve been following The Stratagems Archive, you know I’m an asexual woman exploring all kinds of things—from finances to video games to life hacks. Health counts.

    2. My family and I have tried supplements over the years to fill gaps: energy, focus, nutrients, etc. When my Ma handed me Primal Queen, I decided—what the hell, let’s see if this thing does what it says.

    So here I am, experimenting.

    What Was Primal Queen Supposed to Do?

    According to the marketing hype (and that tiny insert that comes with it), Primal Queen promises to:

    • Increase energy & vitality
    • Elevate mood
    • Reduce iron deficiencies
    • Support sex drive (ha!)
    • Boost immune system
    • Reduce stress & menstrual cramps
    • Promote healthy skin & delay aging
    • Improve muscle function & recovery
    • Balance hormones & menstrual flow

    …And a bunch more. Basically, if this supplement doesn’t make me a superhero, I’m gonna be disappointed. But okay, you can see why I was skeptical, right?

    What Have I Noticed So Far?

    I started taking Primal Queen October 27, 2025. My November cycle? November 2–7.

    Normally, I:

    • Feel sluggish, bloated, or low-energy before and during my cycle
    • Cramp so hard I want to punch someone in the face
    • End up moody, irritable, and basically done with the world

    This month? Not so much.

    Here’s the kicker: I know what my “good months” feel like, so I wasn’t ready to credit a supplement just yet. I asked myself:

    • Am I sleeping better?
    • Eating more regularly?
    • Drinking more water?
    • Getting sunlight or working out more?

    Some yes, some no. So maybe Primal Queen is doing something—or maybe I just got lucky. Time will tell.

    Quick Data Check

    Category

    This Month

    Last Month

    Started/Ended

    11/2/25-11/7/25

    TBA

    Bloating

    None

    TBA

    Cramps (0-10)

    0

    TBA

    Flow

    Light

    TBA

    Cycle length

    5 days

    TBA

    Energy dips

    During lunch

    TBA

    Mood

    Tired/irritable

    TBA

    Sleep quality

    Low quality

    TBA

    How I’m Doing This Experiment

    Plan:

    • Take Primal Queen for 1 full month.
    • Stop for 1 month.
    • Compare my experience and see if I fall into the 9/10 who benefit or the 1/10 who don’t.

    I’ll be keeping notes and reflections along the way.

    Reflection for Fellow Archivists

    Here’s where I break the 4th wall and talk to you:

    • Have you ever tried supplements for energy, mood, or cycles?
    • How did it feel—physically, mentally, emotionally?
    • Did you track changes consistently or just “hope it works”?
    • Have you noticed patterns over months, seasons, or life changes?

    Experimenting on yourself is not about winning or losing—it’s about noticing what your body tells you.

    Final Thoughts (2 Weeks In)

    Even after only 2 weeks, I’ve noticed how powerful awareness is. Tracking my body, my energy, and my mood—without shame or hype—already feels like a win. Will Primal Queen be the magic pill it claims? Maybe, maybe not. But I’m learning something about my body either way.

    Call to Action

    If this post speaks to you, feel free to:

    Like, subscribe, or share with fellow archivists.

    Reflect quietly on your own experiments.

    Thank yourself for paying attention to your body, mind, and curiosity.

    Because sometimes, the boldest thing you can do is notice, track, and honor your own experience—without waiting for anyone else’s approval.

    More Experiments From The Archives

    Other Works of the Archive

  • Now Noticing November: Reflections on Urges, Awareness, and Myself

    This November, explore “Now Noticing November”—a mindful, judgment-free take on urges, sexual energy, and self-awareness.

    A personal reflection from a 29-year-old asexual woman offering a fresh perspective beyond No Nut November and No Fap.

    Author’s Note / Friendly Heads-Up:

    Hey! This post comes from my perspective as a 29-year-old asexual woman thinking too deeply about urges, curiosity, and intimacy.

    Nothing graphic here—just honest reflections. Some bits mention masturbation or sexual energy, which might feel a little uncomfortable depending on your own experiences.

    That’s okay. Just a heads-up before you dive in.

    A Different Perspective

    Women’s voices on this stuff are rare online. So if this feels a little different, that’s on purpose. Welcome to my corner of the internet—you don’t have to perform, compare, or apologize for being here.

    We’re all exploring together, each on our own journey. The Stratagems Archive is a safe place to reflect.

    Flipping the Script

    I didn’t plan to write about No Nut November (NNN) or No Fap. Honestly, I thought about it because of a morning when I felt unusually aroused—an intensity that came up without any prompting.

    But instead of following the usual rules or shame-driven narratives, I decided to observe, reflect, and write from my own experience.

    This aligns with how I process boundaries, consent, and trust—like in this post about From Video Game Chaos to Personal Growth: How Huniepop and Thought Experiments Made Me Think Too Hard (And That’s Okay)

    Here, I’m giving NNN/No Fap the middle finger—for being ironically rigid, morally loaded, and often harmful.

    Let’s go.

    My Approach

    This November, I’m paying attention—not to a challenge, not to a goal—but to what’s happening inside me.

    I notice tension in my body, subtle urges in my stomach and legs. My mind doesn’t demand release; it quietly asks, “Are you aware of me?”

    Years ago, I tried the standard challenges. Two months without acting on urges as a young adult.

    Did I become stronger, more productive, or fulfilled? Not really. I just felt guilty when I gave in and frustrated when I didn’t.

    I was still stuck in a dead-end job, carrying debt, and hating life because some “rule” told me what I shouldn’t do.

    Now? I notice. I sit with it. I let the feeling rise, fade, or linger—without judgment or urgency. Sometimes I call these urges “energy.”

    Energy I redirect into reading, journaling, working out, writing, or exploring fictional vignettes of intimacy and trust—safe spaces to explore curiosity without harming myself or anyone else.

    Awareness Over Rules

    The loud online NNN/No Fap narratives are full of instructions, memes, and ego-fueled comparisons. Strip that away, and you find something much more interesting: awareness.

    • Awareness of your body.
    • Awareness of your thoughts.
    • Awareness of your own patterns.

    This awareness doesn’t need to shame you. It doesn’t need to make you better than anyone else. It just makes you better for yourself.

    Reflections for You

    Take a moment to reflect—no pressure, no trends, just noticing:

    • Have you tried NNN or No Fap?
    • How did it make you feel—physically, mentally, emotionally?
    • Did you tie abstinence to productivity or self-improvement?
    • Or did you simply notice what your body and mind were doing?
    • What did you learn about yourself when you gave in, held back, or simply sat with your urges without judgment?

    This November, I’m not participating in No Nut November or No Fap. I’m not abstaining to prove anything or to strangers who I don’t rightly know. I’m simply noticing—my urges, my reflections, my curiosity.

    If you’re a Fellow weary Archivist, tired of being told there’s only one right way to handle your body, mind, or habits, I invite you to pause, reflect, and reclaim that space for yourself. You don’t need to follow the trend, the meme, or the challenge. You can simply notice.

    Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is give yourself permission to pay attention—to your body, your mind, and your own journey—without judgment or competition.

    Share Your Thoughts

    If this post speaks to you, feel free to:

    • Like.
    • Subscribe.
    • Share.
    • Reflect quietly.

    Leave a comment below or message me directly at whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com. I read everything and will get back to you if you’d like to discuss this further.

    Thank you for spending your time in the archives. I hope you leave noticing something new about yourself today.

  • Letters From the Void #5: ‘Tis the Season of Procrastination — November Edition

    Welcome, Fellow Archivists, to another irregular update from The Stratagem’s Archive. A lot has been happening behind the scenes — not all productive, but enough to share, especially since it ties back to my earlier post, What If Everything Just Stopped? What’s Next for The Stratagem’s Archives?

    I’ve recently taken a few steps back from posting consistently like before. My mind needed a break from the creative burn-out I dug myself into. Thankfully, the compulsion to constantly write and publish has dulled a bit, and I can think with less judgment — a nice feeling, though not the main point of this update.

    Procrastination, Projects, and ChatGPT

    Instead of publishing like a maniac, I’ve been quietly cleaning up The Stratagem’s Archive — making it easier to navigate, compiling all 118 posts into relevant pages, and finishing my ebook.

    I went into this thinking, “I can do this in a dedicated day. It’s going to be easy!”

    Nope.

    Instead, your grade-B dumbass here (emphasis on the B) hit multiple creative speed bumps:

    • Messing around with ChatGPT while contemplating the point of flirting and attraction because my asexual, inexperienced, and socially awkward ass needs explicit communication.
    • Finishing six half-done ebook drafts on Canva and avoiding them like they were cursed.
    • Printing two more sticker designs because, well, they exist now.
    • Printing 50 official blog/business cards to feel “professional.”
    • Staring at my iPad like it owed me rent money.

    The Art of Resting Without Quitting

    Here’s what I’ve realized: procrastination isn’t always the enemy. Sometimes it’s your brain saying, “maybe I don’t need to be in survival mode 24/7.”

    I’ve spent months building, writing, and publishing like my existence depended on it — and maybe it did, in a way. But there’s a difference between living to prove you can and living because you want to.

    So if my projects take longer to finish… if I stare at a blinking cursor longer than I write a sentence… if I talk to ChatGPT instead of publishing a new post — that’s okay.

    I’m still here. Still showing up in my own way. And maybe that’s what growth actually looks like: slow, unglamorous, and perfectly imperfect.

    Reflection for Fellow Archivists

    • When was the last time you let yourself pause without guilt?
    • How do you balance productivity and self-compassion?
    • What small progress can you celebrate this week, even if it feels like nothing?

    Take a moment to sit quietly with these questions, or maybe jot down a few thoughts.

    Closing Note

    If this newsletter made you laugh, sigh, or feel a little less alone in your creative chaos, give it a like, share it with a friend, or just let it linger in your mind for a bit.

    And to everyone who keeps reading, commenting, subscribing, or simply following along quietly — thank you for spending a small piece of your time here, in The Stratagem’s Archive.

    Here’s to all of us learning to rest without quitting, one messy draft at a time.

    Check Out Past Letters Below

    Letters from the Void Newsletter

    A Mini Ebook for Action: Introducing The Stratagem’s Manifesto 2.0

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.5: You’re Not Falling Behind—You’re Growing

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.0–You’re Not Falling Behind—You’re a Work in Progress

  • From Video Game Chaos to Personal Growth: How Huniepop and Thought Experiments Made Me Think Too Hard (And That’s Okay)

    Content Note:

    This post discusses personal reflections on emotional intimacy, asexuality, and boundary-setting through a fictional lens. It references an adult video game (Huniepop), but the focus is on humanizing characters and self-reflection, not sexual content. Reader discretion is advised if these topics may be sensitive.

    Introduction

    I’ve written before about how Elden Ring and other Soulsborne games helped me reflect on personal growth, resilience, and emotional exploration in this post below.

    From Leveling Up in Games to Leveling Up IRL: What Elden Ring (and Soulsborne Games) Taught Me About Growth

    But recently, I realized that an entirely different kind of game—an adult puzzle/relationship game called Huniepop—gave me an equally valuable lens for reflection.

    For those unfamiliar: Huniepop is a dating puzzle game released in 2015 (with sequels later). It mixes “match-three” puzzle mechanics with dating-sim elements and features exaggerated, sexualized characters.

    Its reputation is comedic and adult-oriented—you may have seen YouTubers like Markiplier, CinnamonToastKen, or PewDiepie play it years ago. I played it too, as a dumb 17-year-old college student. Don’t judge me.

    Over the years, my mind used the cast of characters to explore something far beyond the game’s intended mechanics.

    I asked: “What if these characters were humanized, beyond the tropes and commodified portrayals? What would their lives be like if they existed in a world beyond their scripted roles?”

    How a Spanish Class Story Sparked a 10-Year Experiment

    Before I dive deeper into Huniepop, I have to confess how this all started. In high school, during Spanish class, a boy I was on the wrestling team with, told me about how he dated eight different girls at the same time.

    He knew their schedules intimately, and then—predictably—he got caught. One by one, the girls found out, chased him, and beat him up at school. He told me it “straightened him out,” and he ended up being faithful to his girlfriend.

    I nodded along, reading my Inkheart book, taking it at face value—but for some reason, that story lodged itself in my mind.

    When the Huniepop game came out, I imagined being a bystander, watching the women chase the guy who played them down, cheering as the girls taught him a lesson, jumping and screaming: “Fuck, yeah! That’s what you get, asshole!”

    Over the next ten years, that tiny story became part of my mental sandbox. When Huniepop came along, I folded it into the thought experiment: what would happen if one “player” was interacting with eight characters, and they all found out? How would they react? Could the consequences be just?

    What started as a goofy, high-school mental scenario slowly evolved into a tool for reflecting on empathy, justice, and emotional consequences.

    I wasn’t just fantasizing about drama—I was practicing perspective-taking, ethics, and understanding human behavior in a safe, imaginative way.

    The “What If?” Questions

    For over 10 years, I’ve had conversations in my head with the entire Huniepop cast—not for sexual purposes, but as a way to explore human behavior, curiosity, and morality.

    These mental thought experiments imagined the characters as real people with wants, flaws, and histories. I let them grow beyond their archetypes and asked myself how they would handle trust, consent, safety, and emotional connection.

    A few months ago, I also learned that I am asexual. I didn’t want to “sleep” with these characters, nor to be them—I wanted something deeper than skin-deep connection.

    My mind “thinking too hard” about their lives became a kind of accidental therapy. By imagining these scenarios, I could practice empathy, reflect on my boundaries, and examine what I truly wanted from relationships—all without risking harm in the real world.

    Jessie Maye: A Mirror for Growth

    One character, Jessie Maye, became particularly significant. Comparing her first iteration from 2013 to her second in 2021 gave me a profound perspective on growth:

    2015 Jessie: A 36-year-old adult film actress, relatively well-known, the “cougar” archetype. She separated the women and men from the girls/boys. In-game dialogue changes depending on whether you play as a male or female character.

    2021 Jessie: A 38-year-old who has aged out of her industry, tired, seeking genuine connection beyond performance or appearance. She wanted to be valued for her flaws and strengths, not just for what she did or could give.

    There’s a fragility beneath her deflecting exterior—whether I imagined it or the voice actress helped me sense it, it felt real.

    Her evolution mirrored my own experiences. Watching Jessie “grow” in my imagination allowed me to reflect on my own emotional development, my desire for safe intimacy, and my approach to giving and receiving care.

    Jessie became a safe space for practicing emotional closeness. She allowed me to explore what it felt like to be emotionally intimate without sexual expectation, and to recognize the difference between being wanted and being valued.

    Accidental Therapy

    This mental exploration wasn’t something I planned—it was an accident of curiosity. But it worked:

    Emotional arousal can exist separately from sexual desire. My body and heart respond to safety, trust, and being seen. I began to untangle old patterns from friendships where my boundaries were ignored or my value was reduced to what I could give.

    All this came from engaging with fictional characters thoughtfully—taking their “what if” potential seriously, and letting my brain explore the consequences of safe, consensual, and humanized interactions.

    Connection to Real Life

    The lessons I drew from this adult game aren’t about sex—they’re about ethical curiosity, emotional safety, and human growth.

    By thinking critically and empathetically about fictional characters, I strengthened my understanding of my own needs:

    I value safety and consent over obligation or expectation. Emotional closeness matters more than physical closeness alone. Boundaries are essential for healthy growth. Curiosity, reflection, and imagination can help me process complex feelings in ways real-world interactions sometimes can’t.

    Even in a world filled with people who often misunderstood or misused me, I could practice connection safely, intentionally, and without shame.

    Reflections

    Games—regardless of genre or rating—can teach us about ourselves. Fictional characters can be mirrors for empathy, self-reflection, and emotional growth. Thinking deeply, asking “what if,” and exploring consequences mentally can be a form of self-therapy. There’s no shame in using unconventional tools to learn about human complexity.

    “Curiosity and imagination can be as powerful as real-world experience in teaching us about trust, boundaries, and emotional intimacy.”

    Closing Thoughts

    Huniepop gave me an unexpected gift: a safe, imaginative space to explore emotional connection, trust, and being seen. It reminded me that growth can come from anywhere—even small, guilty pleasures—if approached thoughtfully.

    I’m no longer ashamed of my curiosity or the places my mind wanders. Reflection doesn’t have to follow convention to be valuable, and self-discovery can arrive in unexpected forms.

    Reflection Questions for Readers

    • Have you ever used a game or fictional story to explore emotional growth or ethical reflection?
    • How do you differentiate between being wanted and being valued in your own life?
    • Can imaginary or symbolic relationships serve as tools for safe self-exploration?
    • Where might curiosity and reflection help you understand your own emotional needs?

    A Note of Gratitude and Invitation

    Thank you for spending your time here with The Stratagem’s Archive. If this post made you pause, think, or reflect—whether silently or aloud—know that you are not alone. Somewhere, a Fellow Archivist might be experiencing similar confusion, curiosity, or guardedness—and they don’t have to face it alone.

    If this post resonated, feel free to like, share, subscribe, or simply sit quietly and reflect. Your presence here matters.

    You can share your thoughts in the comments or anonymously to whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com. I’ll read everything, but responding will be a different matter and much slower, but no less grateful despite my slow reply time.

    Gifts From The Archive

  • Looking Towards The Future—Learning How to Live Life Defined My Way

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    What Am I Supposed to Look Forward to When Life’s Been Sprinting Forever?

    I’ve been noticing how things have been shifting for me. Not just with my blog, The Stratagem’s Archive, but in my life as well.

    I started this blog from a place of rage, spite, and the feeling that life wasn’t worth living anymore — because it seemed like I had nothing of my own.

    My money, time, energy, sleep, hobbies, and interests all felt borrowed, taken, or otherwise out of my control.

    Work, personal obligations, appointments, family get-togethers every week… life kept running while I struggled just to catch my breath.

    Every day felt as though I was Bound by Compulsion: The Hidden Cost of Rituals We Can’t Escape, and I could feel myself seemingly losing what control I did have left.

    I kept asking myself, Is this it? Is this what life’s supposed to feel like — running until there’s nothing left?

    If that’s all life had to offer, then holy shit… that really sucks.

    Every day was exhausting, infuriating, and lonely. I tried so hard not to give in to my anger and despair — to keep surviving — because, somewhere, I had to draw the line in the sand. I didn’t want to die.

    I just wanted the weight of feeling like a failure, like I was perpetually behind, to lift.

    And now, four months into building The Stratagem’s Archive, after over 115 posts reflecting, collecting, and articulating thoughts and emotions I had tried to silence until they imploded on me, I find myself… wanting to live.

    But here’s the kicker — how do I start actually living?

    I Started Learning to Live From a Personal Finance Book—Of All Places!

    In a twist I didn’t see coming, the guidance I needed didn’t come from therapy or self-help blogs — it came from a personal finance book: I Will Teach You to Be Rich: Journal.

    This is what the book looks like if anyone wants to get their own physical copy.

    I’ve shared how I’m tackling my personal debt using the IWT method in my earlier post, Eradicating A Burden: Eliminating Personal Debt to Ascend:.

    This is the book I bought in 2019 and FINALLY read in 2023. 2023 was the year I got my financial shit together.

    [Note: I Am NOT AN AFFILIATE—I Found These Books Helpful, and Hope It Helps Someone Else Too.]

    I made some financial choices to use my credit cards and take out a few personal loans to help my parents out. But I don’t regret helping them. I regret not having the money on hand to avoid the debts entirely, but here I am.

    Anyways, when my Ma told me about the new journal version, I bought two. Its prompts helped me start answering the questions I hadn’t allowed myself to ask: What do I want? How do I want to live my life?

    Even though I’m still paying down my debts — my high-APR credit card will be gone in the next two months, and my personal loan in twelve — the journal allowe me to briefly imagine what life could be like once the shackles are gone.

    What Does Living Outside of Crippling Debt Look Like?

    The beauty of the journal is that it doesn’t give answers — it asks questions.

    For example: “What would you do if you came into $100? $1,000?”

    My mind immediately wandered to freedom: $100 to treat my family to a nice meal, $1,000 divided between debt repayment, emergency funds, family treats, small indulgences for myself, and a little extra to share.

    Money is a tool. It allows me to live independently, feed myself, take my parents or grandma out to breakfast, and rest with the quiet knowledge that my choices are securing my present and future. It offers brief glimpses of what life could look like outside of mere survival.

    Living Life One Inch at a Time

    And that’s the lesson I’m taking from all of this: living doesn’t start with a huge dramatic moment. It starts with creating small acts of breathing room.

    I get to say, “I can take care of myself.”

    I get to choose, “I get to rest.”

    I get to finally accept, “I get to make choices that feel right for me.”

    I’m not fully out of the tunnel. I still wake up tired. I still get frustrated at work and dread my Mondays. I still drag pieces of my old, broke, anxious self with me some days.

    But now I’m asking different questions:

    • What if life isn’t supposed to feel like a sprint?
    • What if I can slow down and still move forward?
    • What if living starts before the finish line — not after it?

    I don’t have all the answers. I don’t need them all at once. Right now, it’s enough to know that life doesn’t feel like everything’s going to collapse anymore. It feels like possibility — small, stubborn, quiet possibility.

    Reflection Questions for You

    Here, let’s reflect quietly together, even if it’s just you and your screen. Tell me, yourself, write it down, or let your imagination wander without shoving it back down like you’ve committed a crime.

    • What would it feel like to live life on your own terms, even in small ways?
    • Where in your life could you carve out breathing room today?
    • If survival were taken care of, what would you do with your time, energy, and resources?

    A Gentle Call to Action

    If you’ve spent time here — reading, reflecting, pausing with me — thank you. Truly. Thank you for giving a moment of your life to The Stratagem’s Archive.

    If this piece resonated, consider liking, sharing, or subscribing so other fellow wandering, weary, or wondering archivists can find it too.

    Or simply sit quietly with it, reflect, and carry your own thoughts forward.

    If you want to share them, the comments are open, or you can reach out anonymously via email, whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com.

    There’s no obligation — just space to leave a trace of your own journey.

    Life doesn’t start when the sprint ends.

    It starts the moment we allow ourselves to imagine something better, inch by inch.

    Explore The Archives

    What You’ll Find If You Become a Fellow Archivist

  • The Writings on the (Rage Room) Walls — Are We Striving to Leave Something Behind?

    The Walls Are Covered in Writing From Ceiling to Floor

    When I first started working at the rage room part-time months ago, two things immediately caught my eye:

    1) how my eyes burned from how bright the black lighting was.

    2) how much history—from names to social handles to straight-up graffiti—had been scrawled across every wall and ceiling over the four years this place has been open.

    As I became an employee, I never questioned why people were more excited to write on the walls than to break plates or spray neon paint.

    It took me over five months to realize something quietly profound—somewhere between the crashes of sledgehammers on glass and the clang of crowbars on wood.

    I started to wonder:

    Why do we write books? Compose songs? Build companies? Contribute to something larger, even in small ways?

    And then it hit me.

    I was asking the same question I’d been quietly asking about my own blog, The Stratagem’s Archive.

    Is my blog really all that different from a rage room wall—an ever-growing collage of words, reflections, and fleeting marks? An attempt to leave something behind, knowing it could just as easily be painted over one day?

    The more I thought about it, the more I realized how similar it was. The excitement of writing something meaningful, not knowing who will see it—or if anyone ever will. And yet, we do it anyway.

    Maybe, in the end, we’re all just trying to leave some kind of proof that we were here.

    People’s Excitement is Palpable Towards Those Bright Neon Pens

    Every group that’s come through before and after my time here has one thing in common: they always write something on the walls.

    I’ve seen names, birthdays, and declarations of love written in neon pinks and greens. I’ve seen angry messages—“I hate your guts and hope you suffer”—scribbled right next to doodles of anime characters or someone’s best friend’s name with a heart around it.

    Once, a couple came in for their anniversary. After their session, they asked if they could write on the walls. I said yes.

    When I checked back, I saw their names written in a gorgeous, looping scrawl right across the mural of angel wings—the one spot we ask people not to touch because it’s meant for photos and memories.

    My coworker wiped it off minutes later. We both knew it had to go. But as the ink faded, I couldn’t stop wondering if, for that couple, those few neon words were their way of saying, “We were here. We loved. We lived.”

    When I brought that up, my 21-year-old coworker told me, “Don’t think too hard about it.”

    So, naturally, I thought too hard about it—and wrote this instead.

    Would It Be So Wrong to Not Be Remembered?

    Let’s ask something uncomfortable:

    Would it really be so bad if we weren’t remembered?

    We’ve built entire systems to preserve names—colleges, hospitals, parks, cars, snack brands. Hershey. Ford. John Hopkins. Epicurus. Confucius. We build monuments to the idea of being remembered.

    But what if the quiet act of living fully was enough?

    I don’t advertise my real name anywhere on my blog. I don’t have social media. I’m practically a ghost in the modern world. And honestly? I like it that way.

    Sure, The Stratagem’s Archive is public. Anyone can stumble across it, read my reflections, and wander through my archives. But this is my mask. My little corner of anonymity and freedom.

    I don’t want to be famous. I just want to leave something honest behind—something that glows quietly for a while before it fades under the next coat of paint.

    Because maybe that’s enough.

    Maybe we don’t need to be remembered forever—just long enough for our light to touch someone else’s, even for a moment.

    Reflection and Call to Action

    Thanks for spending a few minutes here in the Archive with me. If this reflection sparked something in you, share it, like it, or subscribe to follow along for more quiet musings, prompts, and experiments.

    Or, if you’d rather stay anonymous, you can always send me your thoughts directly at—whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com—I read every message. Whether you write publicly or quietly, we all leave our marks somewhere.

    Here’s to leaving them with intention, even if they someday fade.

    Reflections of Rage Rooms and Memories:

  • The Prophecy of Broken Bonds and Blood: A D&D Story of Choice and Cost

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    A ruined kingdom, a tragic king, and hidden legacies: explore The Prophecy of Broken Bonds and Blood, a story-driven D&D campaign for storytellers.

    A Story Narrative I Wanted to Explore, I’ll Tell The Tale Here Through D&D

    The Kingdom of Raez’ed is a shadow of its former self. What was once a hub of learning, growth, and experimentation has been twisted by war and blood.

    Under the rule of the Wretched King O’hdes, villages burn, rivers run dark with ash and blood, and the cries of orphaned children echo through decimated streets.

    Soldiers, once protectors, march gleefully in service of destruction, their faces twisted with greed and lust for power.

    Yet, behind this devastation lies a story of sacrifice, foresight, and impossible choices.

    King O’hdes: Villain, Hero, or Both?

    King O’hdes is not cruel by nature. Before he took the throne, he was a man with a large heart, devoted to his people and family.

    But he learned of a prophecy: if he failed to take certain actions, his own children—royal and bastard children scattered across the kingdom—would grow into harbingers of destruction.

    Faced with this choice, O’hdes made a painful decision. To protect his children and the kingdom’s future, he would become the villain in the eyes of his people.

    He would rule with cruelty, destroy alliances, and commit acts that would mark him as a tyrant. Yet every act was calculated to ensure his children, and the kingdom they would one day inherit, would survive.

    He offered his people an escape, resources to flee, and gold to start anew. Many accepted. Others stayed to share the burden, loyal to a king whose morality had been twisted for the greater good.

    Even the mothers of his children were not spared from this plan. O’hdes gifted them silver rings with jade gems—rings that would protect them in times of danger.

    Should the war horns ever sound, they were to pass the rings to their children. These symbols would mark his children, both to protect and to challenge them, ensuring they would confront their legacy when the time came.

    Older PCs and Faint Memories

    For older player characters—those in their mid-to-late 20s or early 30s—there’s an added layer of mystery. These characters might have faint, fragmented memories of their father, but not as a king.

    Instead, they remember him either as a soldier, a farmer, or an artisan. King O’hdes dressed simply and walked among the populace, working alongside his people to understand and connect with the kingdom he would one day rule.

    This approach subverts the traditional “royal father reveal,” creating multiple perspectives of the same person and deepening the emotional impact when the truth comes to light. Players must reconcile their childhood memories with the reality of their father’s choices—an opportunity for rich roleplay and moral exploration.

    For the younger PC’s though, they would only know their mothers and those who stepped up to raise them as their family. Not once questioning who their real dad is because someone became their father figure without them knowing.

    Like a step-parent who’d been around since birth and raised their partner’s existing child as their own: with their own form of love, patience, and competence.

    Narrative Mechanics for Your Players

    This story works as both a rich narrative and a DM tool:

    Character stakes: The PCs are O’hdes’ children, unaware of their lineage, giving them personal stakes in the kingdom’s ruin.

    Moral ambiguity: The king is neither purely good nor evil. He’s a living lesson in the gray areas of choice and consequence.

    Symbolism: The silver rings serve as narrative and mechanical tools, signaling pivotal plot points and player discovery.

    Player exploration: The kingdom is scarred, dangerous, and morally complex. Players explore consequences of leadership, witness the impact of choices, and uncover hidden truths.

    Lessons from the DM’s Chair

    When I created Raez’ed and King O’hdes, I drew inspiration from real life: we make difficult choices every day, small and mundane while others grand and loud, and someone will often see us as the “villain” in their story.

    My goal as a DM was to create a world that reflects that complexity: where actions have consequences, morality is gray, and players are compelled to navigate challenges thoughtfully rather than relying on combat alone.

    The faint memories of older PCs are a tool for narrative subtlety—small glimpses of the past that foreshadow revelation without revealing it outright.

    They reinforce the idea that stories are made richer when players actively piece together the truth, just as we piece together understanding in life.

    Reflection & Invitation

    Maybe there’s a bit of King O’hdes in all of us—trying to protect what we love, even if it costs us something we can’t get back. We make choices, we burn bridges, and sometimes we convince ourselves it’s for the greater good. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t.

    If this story made you pause, or sparked something in you—a memory, an idea for your own campaign, or just a thought about the weight of our choices—I’d love to hear about it.

    Share in the comments below or send your thoughts to whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com for anonymous submission.

    Tell me what you saw in this story. Tell me who you’d be if the prophecy were yours to carry.

    You can also like, share, or subscribe to follow more D&D story prompts, narrative-driven ideas, and reflections like this one.

    Whether you’re a DM, a writer, a player, or someone just passing through—The Archive is open to you. It’s a place for the weary, the wondering, and the wandering. Stay awhile, share your thoughts, or just read and rest for a bit.

    A Thought For “Evil” Player Characters

    The choice that King O’hdes makes between becoming a tyrant king or face his children becoming the world destroyers gave me a new line of thought;

    What if there are player characters in the campaign that are evil aligned?

    They thrive on chaos, they want to see the world burn, and this would be a pyrrhic defeat because King O’hdes learns that his children destroyed the world irregardless of what he did.

    Should this ever happen and you want to use this narrative for your campaign, Fellow Archivists, make this realization for King O’hdes as heartbreaking and as mind blowing as you possibly can.

    This isn’t a king who destroyed his own kingdom. This is also a father who did everything in his power to ensure his children had a home to return to, even without him present, only to learn that nothing he did made a difference.

    Explore Other D&D Vignettes Below

    An Updated Note:

    It’s been months since I touched this post, but I want to change the evil king’s name from King O’hdes to King Pierre Rhick.

    The name change seemed fitting until recently because, depending on how the players play through the campaign, I wanted to have the king’s name sound similar to “pyrrhic,” instead of his name being inspired by Odysseus.

    Even though the king is going against his nature to prevent a calamity from happening, his home and land are burning, there will always be at least one player who would choose to instigate the apocalypse just for shits and giggles.

    Especially if it lets them stay in character.

  • When The Highs of Writing and Publishing Fade—How I’m Keeping The Stratagem’s Archive Alive

    Facing the Fade: When Creative Highs Decline

    Maybe I didn’t take enough time to truly listen to the void. Since publishing The Void Feels Like It’s Closing In and What If Everything Just Stopped? What’s Next for The Stratagem’s Archives?, I stepped away from writing for a bit—but not long enough.

    Back when I wrote from rage, spite, and stubborn determination, I had:

    • A goal
    • A sense of direction
    • A sense of accomplishment
    • A wealth of ideas to explore

    Now, the silence feels deafening. I don’t feel the same compulsion to write, and my mind struggles to find creative inspiration. It’s the shadow I’ve always feared: creative stagnation.

    Reframing Stagnation

    Creative stagnation isn’t failure—it’s a signal. It’s an energy shift and a call to evolve. The Stratagem’s Archive has taught me patience, consistency, and self-reflection. It’s a space where my words reached people across the void, across countries, and into the wider internet.

    Now, I need to face the new reality: keeping this blog alive while honoring my own creative energy, without burning out.

    Adapting: New Rules for Creativity

    Since I’m no longer fueled by rage alone, I’m making adjustments:

    1)Pause for planning: Instead of publishing for streaks, I’ll take the time to think about what to write, why it matters, and how it connects to my growth.

    2)Refocus energy: My attention goes to creating content that’s meaningful, not just consistent.

    3)Experiment and reflect: Using my downtime to explore new topics, styles, and formats to keep the archive fresh and alive.

    The goal isn’t perfection—it’s sustainable growth, just like I’ve applied to my life outside of writing.

    Growth Beyond the Void

    Writing this blog has been a journey of self-discovery, persistence, and reflection. Losing the compulsion that drove me at first is uncomfortable—but it’s also a chance to grow differently.

    The highs fade, but the archive remains, waiting for me to approach it with renewed perspective. The challenge now is curiosity, patience, and intention.

    Call to Reflect

    If you’ve ever faced creative burnout, writer’s block, or the fear of stagnation, remember: it’s not failure. It’s a reset. A pause. A chance to approach your craft with fresh eyes.

    Question for you: How do you keep creating when the passion fades? What small rituals, shifts, or reflections help you stay engaged?

    Share in the comments or connect with me through the archive—your insight might help someone else push through their own creative fade.

    Call-to-Action

    If this post resonated, hit that like button, subscribe for more reflections from The Stratagem’s Archive, or share it with someone who might need a reminder that creative fades are part of growth. Let’s keep leveling up together—IRL and in writing.

    More Posts to Explore

    Challenge Unlocked: Taking a 24 Hour Break From Writing (and My Blog Stats)

    The 24-Hour Challenge Aftermath—Something Unexpected Happened in Just One Night

    Error 404: Last Save Point Not Found—From 60 Consecutive Days Back to 1

    The Experimental Pride of the Archives

  • From Leveling Up in Games to Leveling Up IRL: What Elden Ring (and Soulsborne Games) Taught Me About Growth

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    How The Journey Began

    As a kid, I used to dive into video games not just for fun — but for escape. Video games were stories I couldn’t explore in real life. I preferred leveling up my characters, exploring epic worlds, unlocking new abilities, and compelling stories.

    It felt good to grow, even if it was only on-screen. What I didn’t realize back then was that I was building the blueprint for how I’d eventually grow in real life.

    Games like Elden Ring, Bloodborne, and Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice have done more for me than just fill time — they’ve challenged me, shaped me, and slowly helped me believe that I could grow, not just in-game… but as a person.

    My Childhood: Escape Was Growth

    When I was younger, I didn’t think I was smart enough, strong enough, or confident enough to handle the real world. Trial and error felt too risky in real life and criticisms felt like real physical damage—especially if personal resources weren’t aplenty.

    So I turned to video games as my main source of escape.

    In those digital worlds, failure was temporary, and effort was always rewarded. I could try, and I could improve — without judgment, fear of failure, and tools to increase EXP and skills faster than in real life.

    Games gave me what school, social life, and expectations couldn’t: a space where I could grow at my own pace.

    As silly as it might seem, I found something valuable from being a gamer that I didn’t bother to find in real life: tools and lessons in disguise.

    It took me over 10 years to see what I was blind to and, what I was doing in my games, I could have applied the same effort in real life.

    Adulthood: Facing Reality (With Gaming EXP)

    Fast-forward to the present — living on my own, juggling two jobs, exhausted and worn down as hell, but still alive and kicking. Then, suddenly, I starting to see it:

    The way I’ve been playing in Elden Ring, how it pushes me to improve and try again, in a small way, is how I show up in my own life.

    In Elden Ring, I do complain, I rage when my character dies — either I wasn’t paying attention, I died to a boss enemy, or got impatient and the game had to put me in my place — I make mistakes. While I did give up initially, I grew comfortable with the constant failures because I could try again — with a new approach.

    That’s not just a gaming mindset. That’s applicable to real life as well.

    Growth Lessons From Elden Ring and Other Soulsborn Games

    I used to hate how difficult Elden Ring was because it had no difficulty setting you could change it to. It punished those who would like to coast in the game. But now I appreciate it — because it forced me to learn, adapt, and evolve.

    Just like life does.

    And honestly? That’s been a gift. The game rewards me when I’m patient. It punishes me when I rush. It makes me earn every inch of progress — and that’s made every victory feel earned, not given.

    Life has a similar, uncanny innate mechanism to FromSoft’s games. You can try something, fail at it, or rise from the supposed failures life threw at you—just like The Tarnished, The Hunter, and Wolf do after every defeat.

    The rise again and we can do the same if we choose to.

    While I know that I don’t have a grand objective like these protagonists—become the Elden Lord, hunt monsters, or save my liege from imprisonment—the beauty of our lives is we get to choose our own objectives, lessons, successes, and how we approach failure.

    The Biggest Lesson: I’m Capable of Growth Outside of the Games

    For most of my life, I didn’t think I could improve. I thought that I was born a failure and that my lot in life was because I didn’t win the supposed “lottery” at birth. But these games showed me that I could — through persistence, strategy, and self-reflection—do and be better.

    I just have to apply the same methodology to everything else in my life:

    After work has finished and I’m safe at home, I take stock of what happened in the day. I do my best not to spazz out when things go wrong — I slow down and observe to the best of my abilities, and make due with what I have. Even if it’s not a success, as long as I wake up, I can keep trying again and again until I can’t.

    In life, I don’t fear failure the same way I used — I know it’s part of the process. It’s part of earning EXP. Even in writing this blog, I’m leveling up — using trial and error, not waiting to be perfect, but just good enough in my own eyes.

    In Conclusion – Call to Reflect

    Tell me, Fellow Archivists,

    • “What lessons have your favorite games taught you about life? How have you applied them outside of the screen?”
    • Which in-game failures taught you the most about resilience?”
    • “How do you turn lessons from games into real-life progress?”

    Level Up With Me

    If this post resonated, consider pressing “like” to unlock a little XP for the archive, subscribe to keep up with my ongoing quest, or share with fellow archivists who might benefit from these lessons.

    Every click, share, or follow is like finding a hidden item chest — it helps this little corner of the internet keep growing and reaching others leveling up alongside us.

    Games As IRL Preparation

    If you’re someone who’s ever felt like real-life growth was out of reach… I get it. I lived that. But maybe the hours you’ve spent getting destroyed by Malenia Blade of Miquella, failing to parry Genichiro Ashina, or escaping the nightmare streets of Yharnam weren’t a waste of time.

    Maybe they were preparation.

    You were learning how to fall, how to rise, how to be patient with your own evolution. That counts for something — maybe even everything.

    This space is for the weary, the wondering, and the wandering. I’m not here to teach—just to share what I’m learning, while I’m still in it. Read quietly, reflect deeply, or share if it speaks to you.

    Sharing opens the path to others like us to find this little pocket of the internet. No pressure. Just presence.

    You can check out my other video game inspired works down below:

    Learning to Pick Locks Like In Video Games

    Achievement Unlocked: My First Lock Opened

    The Moment I Stopped Waiting for Permission

    The Stratagem’s Archive: You Begin Here:

    Thank You For Reaching the End

    You can preview what fellow subscribers can get first in their inboxes before everyone else as thank you for reading all the way to the end, for spending some time here, and leveling up together.