The Many Ways Anger Can Hurt Us
How many of you have let your tempers get the best of you in your life?
Once?
Twice?
So often that you just can’t keep track anymore?
Being angry and seeing red can really screw us over. Whether it’s:
- Listening to someone we disagree with
- Not understanding an explanation when something is said to us
- Getting accused of something we didn’t do but were somehow expected to fix
- Getting into a car accident because of someone else’s negligence
- Being overlooked for a promotion
- Or, worse, needing to shout because we feel unheard
No one takes the loud person seriously.
Why would they?
Everyone reacts more to the “sudden change in demeanor” than to the underlying reason someone is reacting so strongly in the first place.
Sometimes people can feel their tempers climbing for a myriad of reasons. Some of those reasons may even be justified.
Still, everyone seems quicker to say, “They suddenly became livid,” than to ask, “Why did their reaction change?”
From personal experience, one underlying issue that could be driving someone toward anger is merely:
Helplessness.
When You Can See a Future You Can’t Reach
Feeling helpless is one of the worst feelings anyone can experience.
You can see how things could be better. You know that you want to provide more for your loved ones. You want margin, breathing room, and a life you actually want to experience.
It can feel so close that you could almost reach for it.
Then reality steps in and reminds you that imagined life is still out of reach.
How many times have you imagined:
You want to take a trip, but you have to wait for it?
You want to give someone a decent gift, but it doesn’t fit into your budget?
How about supporting a cause you care about, but you have to choose your bills instead?
How many years has “not today” been the default answer while you keep putting your life on hold?
My question has always been:
Why NOT today?
Don’t Rush Out the Door Yet
Obviously, we can’t have everything.
That is both reasonable and the thing that pisses me off.
However, we only have so much time and energy on our hands, whether we’re working adults, students trying to get ahead, caring for loved ones, or being the breadwinner.
The thing I personally need to do is channel my own temper into one problem at a time.
It isn’t easy.
Sometimes it looks like our ship is full of so many holes that we instinctively believe that if we patch every hole simultaneously, we’ll stop sinking.
On paper, it makes sense.
But realistically, how many times have we burned ourselves out doing exactly that?
That doesn’t mean we sit there and politely watch the ship sink.
It means choosing which hole is letting in the most water and plugging that one first.
Anger can help with that.
Anger can tell us, “I am fucking tired of this,” and give us energy to take action.
The problem is when that sentence has nowhere to go.
If I’m angry about money, screaming at my bank account isn’t going to increase it.
If I’m angry about my health, beating myself up for not being stronger doesn’t make me stronger.
If I’m angry because someone refuses to listen to me, replaying the argument for six hours doesn’t suddenly make them understand.
But that anger can still become action.
I can apply somewhere else.
I can train.
I can write.
I can learn something.
I can document the problem.
I can walk away from something that keeps draining me.
Anger doesn’t have to disappear before we do something productive with it.
Do NOT Confuse Anger With Excuses
For my particular problem, I’ve been carrying more anger for four months because my rental unit’s AC has been down.
No matter how many emails I send.
No matter how many maintenance requests I make.
No matter how often I go to the office explaining the same issue, asking what part my unit needs, what the actual diagnosis is, and what work maintenance has done during those four months of me chasing them, I get no answer other than silence.
I sleep during the day.
It gets extremely hot when the sun hits my unit, even with a sheet acting as a curtain to block some of the sunlight. That doesn’t stop the heat from being absorbed into the building and turning my studio into an oven.
As much as I want to scream, as much as I want to make someone try sleeping in my apartment during the hottest part of the day so they can experience what I’ve had to, chewing people out only makes things worse.
Non-constructive uses of anger are simply forms of lashing out:
- Speeding
- Yelling at other people
- Dumping your frustrations onto someone else
- Being reckless
None of these address or solve the underlying frustration.
At best, they provide a few seconds of release.
At worst, they create a second problem on top of the first one.
That is why I think anger needs direction.
Not suppression.
Not pretending everything is fine.
Direction.
If I’m pissed off, I need somewhere for that energy to go where it won’t wreck my life.
Maybe that means lifting weights.
Maybe that means writing.
Maybe that means walking until I stop replaying the same argument in my head.
Maybe that means learning enough about the problem that I can ask better questions.
Maybe it means documenting everything so I have something concrete to work with later.
The outlet doesn’t have to solve the problem immediately.
Sometimes its job is simply to stop the problem from consuming every other part of your life.
Give Anger a Job
It’s easier to give your money a job than to give your temper one.
A lot of people can see the many ways money can grow:
- Investing
- Saving
- Donating
- Using it to build a business
So what can we do to employ our anger responsibly?
Some things I’ve been doing might be useful suggestions, but they aren’t silver bullets for my problems, and they won’t be for yours either.
Everything I’ve tried is contextual. Some options aren’t always readily available, and when you’re someone who needs to physically move or learns better kinesthetically, meditation probably isn’t going to be at the top of the list.
Sometimes the best job for anger isn’t:
“Calm me down.”
Sometimes its job is:
“Make me move.”
“Make me learn.”
“Make me document this.”
“Make me stop tolerating something.”
“Make me start.”
Physical Anger Needs Physical Outlets
If anger feels physical—like punching something is somehow going to solve the issue—then lift weights, take up martial arts, hit a heavy bag, or go for a run.
The shaking, shallow breathing, and narrowed vision can be signals from our fight-or-flight response.
If nothing is physically trying to hurt us, that energy still needs somewhere safer to go.
Take it out on a bag.
Use it in the gym.
Run hard somewhere safe.
Train in a martial arts environment where there are rules, structure, and people who actually know what they’re doing.
Not on appliances.
Not on random strangers.
Not on loved ones.
And not on yourself.
If Anger Is Emotional or Mental, That’s Tougher
I don’t know how to deal with anger when it starts attacking from within.
When it starts pushing us toward blaming other people—or ourselves.
When it starts convincing us that we’re failures, that everyone else is responsible for our setbacks, or that we’re somehow defective because we aren’t further ahead in life.
I don’t want to give platitudes.
I won’t give you a list of things I haven’t tried myself.
As upset as I can get, sometimes my temporary solution is simply to live out of spite until spite isn’t needed anymore.
In Conclusion
Anger is explosive.
It’s powerful energy.
It can kick us into gear, push us toward action, and help us become decisive.
But it can also burn us out.
Anger can protect us, but like fire, it can also burn everything and everyone around us.
Use it to make a choice.
Say:
“Not today.”
“Not today” can wait until after you apply for the new job.
After you go out and meet people.
After you try something you’ve never done before.
After you take one step toward whatever has been eating at you.
Just don’t let the fire burn you or everyone around you.
Explore the Archives
Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
If you made it to the end and are curious to see what else is here, I’d recommend the following posts:
- Cold Turkey Dieting Doesn’t Work: Why Quitting Foods Without Replacement Backfires on Nutrition, Energy, and Habit Change
- Fitness Built for Real Life, by Real Life
- How I Prepare for Strength Training at Home After Manual Labor Shifts
- Chaotic Life Strong Exercise Flows PDFs
Otherwise, if this post resonates with you or reminds you of someone, feel free to give it a like, share it, or subscribe for more posts.
I write about a lot of different things: exercise, nutrition, sleep, video games, learning new skills, and whatever thoughts I feel are worth sharing.
If you don’t mind that kind of writing, I’d encourage you to check out the archives and see if anything else catches your eye.
For now, I’ll see you all in the archives later.
Thank you.
