The Stratagem’s Archive

Tag: personal anecdote

  • It is Important to Carry Memories

    What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

    I’m a hypocrite because I don’t make enough memories in my life with my family or those I care about. I’ve always hated cameras and flashes – it mostly stemmed from a childhood fear of one of R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps book about the haunted camera – and I never liked seeing my own face.

    Although, I guess I’d rather live through the memories than be included in the memories. I’ve always believed that my presence, even among family, tends to spoil the fun and experience. I’ve gotten good at being an observer because I know what it’s like to have someone very close to me lose their memories, themselves, in real time.

    Despite my personal feelings, the reason I chose memories is because I grew up with my paternal grandpa who had Alzheimer’s. As a kid, I didn’t understand why my Papa couldn’t remember much and my family told me to be patient because he couldn’t remember. You can’t tell a kid to do something when, at such young ages, it’s instinct to be impulsive and impatient.

    On the days he forgot, it hurt because it was as though, as a kid, my Papa could remember to do his chores, walk to McDonald’s to get his coffee, and get home safely, but not remember us.

    Sadly, I wasn’t the most behaved kid and I would do really stupid things like, locking the house door from the inside and watching him try to force the door open until my grandma would tell me to open the door. After I did, my grandpa would walk in, see me, and nothing else.

    I even remember when I would sleep in my grandma’s living room and I was woken up because my head was hurting, like someone was taking a hammer to my skull, and it had been my Papa hitting my head like I was a pillow because: 1)it was dark; 2)he couldn’t recognize or remember me.

    Even though it’s been years since I thought about him, he passed away in 2009 and I was just entering intermediate school, I think I’m thinking of him because my maternal grandpa passed away last month.

    He was still young – in his mid-sixties – he loved to cook, sing, play cards and make up his own rules to play, he told me stories of his time in the Army, his regrets, and how he would have done things differently if he had the chance.

    Now, I have both of my grandma’s still alive, but because I’ve been working so hard I haven’t made time to hang out with them or my family.

    My paternal grandma is in her early 80’s, still sound of mind and body, and maternal grandma is in her late 60’s, still sound of mind and body too.

    I fear that something will happen to my paternal grandma because I moved out, even though I tend to call her, I haven’t called her in a while. Even to my other grandma, hell, even to my parents.

    My mom likes taking pictures, I found them a waste of time, but as I’m getting older I’m starting to see their significance. As I get older, so does everyone else, and the amount of time I’ll get to listen to my family’s stories grow smaller and smaller, but even memories will slowly fade with time.

    I can’t remember much of my time with my Papa anymore and my Grandpa’s stories are slowly fading because I didn’t hang out with him as much as he wanted. I’d try, but I also didn’t make much effort either.

    I don’t know what anyone is going through, but if you have people in your life you still care about: call them, tell them you love them, something. Anything, especially if they do matter to you. My family doesn’t say a lot of things enough, we’re not ones for words of affirmation but through actions, but I can share that, from my experience, it does make a difference.

    I’m still working on this myself as I’m learning to navigate my own life as I’m approaching my new life stage of 30. Not there yet, but making memories is all we’ll have, even if we forget them, it’ll come back to us when we need them.

  • What Would I Want My Blog To Achieve?

    What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

    The kind of changes that I would like my blog to achieve would be what I had originally planned it to be – a place where I could share my thoughts and ideas, archive the things that I’ve been trying my hand at and what I’ve learned so far, and possibly connect with people who might have similar interests as well.

    I had let fear stop me from trying new things and from pursuing things I wanted to because I believed it was difficult and I was intellectually challenged to learn. It wasn’t because I was dumb, rather I had been in a state of “learned helplessness”, I was inadvertently taught to give up and do something I could comprehend instead of pushing through.

    After years of allowing this trend to stop me, I finally started my own blog and I’ve been using it to share my progress, interests, and lessons learned from the day to day of my life or from lessons learned from somewhere else. I got fed up with living in faer, with stopping myself from trying new things, and from not exploring sooner because I am feeling behind in life.

    Despite feeling this way, I have a literal written record of what I’ve been doing, trying, and applying in my life through WordPress, through The Stratagem’s Archives, originally known as Plans2Action, to keep me accountable on my plans and executing on them while I’m still alive. I won’t have a lot of stories to take with me into my next life if I didn’t do anything new or had finished something to completion.

    Even if my blog doesn’t change the world or impact the lives of others in some large or small way. The only life that it should change is ultimately mine and this venture had been no small feat since starting. But it had led to some pretty grand ideas to formulate and execute on, right? I’ll see how this will go for me; I’m simply “Just an average dilettante who likes learning new things, see what outcomes I get, and share what I’ve learned here.”

  • My Life Through An Alternate Lens

    Describe your life in an alternate universe.

    Exploring The Opposite Side of Me

    I could imagine that an Alternative version of Me would have pushed through a lot of things. Alternative Me would have:

    • Stood her ground or walked away from friendships that weren’t supportive of her.
    • Avoided being a victim of stalking from discerning people sooner.
    • Stopped being a people pleaser ASAP.
    • Pushed through 1 more year of wrestling.
    • Started many projects early on: YouTube, blogging, coding, game design, locking picking, investing, etc.
    • Pursued scholarships to afford a full 4 years of university.
    • Pursued a mentorship or went abroad for school.
    • Avoided (personal loan) debts and paid with cash (for most things).
    • Found an apartment sooner to learn independent living, rely on family less sooner too.
    • Took my nutrition, sleep, and health more seriously.
    • Spent more time hanging out with family than shutting herself in her room over the years.

    Everything I currently am, the lessons I’ve learned up until now, this alternate me would have learned sooner and done things sooner with a broader and larger portfolio than what I currently have built up so far.

    Very likely I would have explored and been exposed to different fields, different people, experiences, and lessons sooner because I stood up for myself and didn’t let fear control me as my current self had done for years.

    So afraid of being alone, I clung to horrible friendships; So afraid of failure, I struggle to accept compliments and need constant reassurance that I’m doing alright; So terrified of being criticized that I never improving my skills or further my learning: writing, sketching, health, investing, anything until 2023 to 2025.

    But I can’t dwell on the past or on what I should have done, I’ll become depressed, and I’ll need to keep working on myself and pursue the things I want to while I still have the time. I had wasted years on hypotheticals that my reality had declined until this year alone, that it’s time to put in the work now more than ever. Time to improve, learn from the past, and build my present and future regardless of where I am today!

  • $200 in Exchange For More Time and Memories

    What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

    Before every Outback Steakhouse closed down in my state, it was the restaurant that my family would go to for lunch and dinner. It was the closest, and one of the better, sit down restaurant where it would be roughly a 20 minute drive for both sides of our family to get there.

    We used to buy a lot of appetizers before the entrees and then pack in dessert. For 2 people in a HCOL state, $200 is roughly the norm, including tip as well.

    The reason Outback was special was because it had been where I used to take my grandpa for his birthdays – I wasn’t making much money, but it was worth spending the little money I was earning – to hang out and talk stories with him.

    Good food, good company, what else could anyone ask for?

    I hadn’t hung out with my grandparent’s on my Mom’s side often, I usually didn’t feel like going to visit their house because I just preferred to stay home. Although, I used to work the night shift before, so I couldn’t hang out regardless during the week.

    Just so happen, my grandpa’s birthday landed on my days off, so I called him to hang out and we met up. He’d try to ask me if we could do lunch whenever I was free, but our days wouldn’t always line up because of our jobs. Gramps wasn’t retired yet, he was pretty young, so the movie productions would call him to work and I had my job to do too.

    Anyways, I remember some of the stories he used to tell me:

    • His time in the US Army after her graduated high school.
    • When he was stationed in Japan and in South Korea during the Propaganda war between North and South Korea, I think. (I remember the propaganda part, that was crazy!)
    • He was one of the few American soldiers that was able to compete, and win, in the Korean soldier’s Taekwondo military competitions.
    • He used to be the unofficial quartermaster in his unit. Whatever you needed: money, steaks, cigarettes, beer, he was able to get it and provided. He even remembered selling to his CO’s and they wouldn’t bother.

    I remember that he shared a few of his regrets. Gramps was a stubborn guy, like it was either his way or the highway kind of stubborn. He wished he made different choices if he had the chance. He told me that he:

    • Wished he stayed the full 20 years of active service to have gotten the pension and benefits from the military. He only completed 17 years.
    • Instead of joining the movie productions as an equipment driver, he wished he became a Stevedore instead. He mentioned they had great benefits and were part of a good union, but he was young and arrogant then.

    My Grandpa seemed vulnerable during those moments. I know that, as he got weaker, no one took him seriously at the house. I would tell my younger cousins that, if Gramps was as young as he was when I came into the picture, they’d be shitting themselves.

    They didn’t believe me because the Gramps they grew up with was very different from the Gramps I grew up with.

    At family gatherings, I’d help him cook. He’d show me how he did things, be it steak or making shrimp tempura from scratch. I listened when I was there because it seemed no one else was listening. Not even my younger, and his favorite of us, cousins.

    We recently had his funeral – he was in and out of the hospitals and we all thought he was getting better – and it didn’t look like he was dead in his casket. He looked like he was sleeping instead.

    I waited to see if he was going to sit up and have this as some sick joke because we didn’t visit as often like we said, make us come together in a morbid way. But he didn’t. He didn’t wake up.

    Much like my other grandpa who died when I was graduating Elementary school, though he had Alzheimer’s, I’ll eventually forget this grandpa’s stories: I’ll forget how he sounds like, what he smelled like, how he used to play music and sing. I might eventually forget the songs he sang along to too. I know what they are, I had most of them on my first IPhone in high school, but I won’t be able to hear him sing along anymore.

    Just like my other grandpa who passed years prior, the only memory I can remember is when he used to hum to himself. Just a tune when his mind was good. I used to copy him intuitively to remember. Even his tune is a broken forgotten melody I struggle to pull to the surface.

    Even though I didn’t have the money then, I could have made more money, made more time for him. But I was more worried about my paternal Grandma I lived with because she was much older than my maternal grandpa that I thought we’d have more time.

    The last time he was strong was when we celebrated my 28th birthday at the Cheesecake Factory last year. I was working the night shift when he passed away in the hospital this year.

    My parents told me the morning after I finished work, and on my day off, that he passed and I asked them why they didn’t call me. They said that they didn’t want to tell me while I was working and that they didn’t want me to remember my gramps’s last moments with his passing.

    I could have at least been there, but that time passed and now he’s gone. I don’t think of him much these days, but when I do, I still cry. Like I didn’t grieve enough at his funeral.

    I wish I had more time, I wish I didn’t waste what time I had, and I’d trade all the money I have and more if I could have been around more. But I can’t and I’ve learned from my mistakes with my surviving Grandmas. Do more than I did before.

    Even though I had spent $200 at Outback to celebrate the few birthdays the two of us went for him, it was worth the memories we have and I miss him.

  • Level 1 Palette: Simple Foods to Last The Week:

    What foods would you like to make?

    The kinds of food I make are simple and depends on how much time I have to meal prep. Since I’m living on my own now, I don’t have to make a lot of food as I used to when living with family. I wouldn’t want to waste a lot of food too often.The things that I like to make are:

    • Chicken long rice
    • Chicken or shrimp pasta with mushrooms, broccoli, and home made Alfredo sauce
    • Chook or Jook (Not sure how to spell it, but its a rice dish)
    • Spam, egg, and rice/fried rice
    • Boiled eggs
    • Saimen (sorry, Ramen) with egg
    • Tuna sandwiches
    • Fried/baked Salmon with asparagus
    • Chicken or beef (Japanese) curry/stew
    • Steak and hot dogs

    Something simple, something fast, some things can be eaten cold, others are quick to heat up (without a microwave, stoves are good too). I can make enough to last a few days, have for lunch or dinner, and can last me during long work days where I have no time to cook. Adulting is tough, but it’s only making me tougher!

  • Yes to Change, But Where to Start?

    What would you change about modern society?

    I used to think about this question often in high school and in university, exclaiming, “the world is messed up! It needs to change; politicians need to do better; If only things were done a (vaguely specific way without evidence or driven by assumptions).” You know the kind of rant I’m talking about, right?

    I would love to make changes to (modern western) society, but I don’t know enough, let alone properly informed, about what changes are necessary. I don’t have social media, I stopped watching the news years ago, and most of my information comes from people’s opinions. Are they anymore reliable than FOX or CBS News? I don’t think so, but people do provide information to potentially look into.

    Otherwise, everything from me would be to ask questions:

    • What is it about (modern) society that is terrible?
    • Am I projecting what I dislike or am unhappy with in my situation onto the whole society?
    • Have I taken steps to solve a real tangible problem in my power to change? If so, what, when, and how did I contribute or could contribute?
    • Am I listening to the opinions of others who, if asked to elaborate on why they think about X and Y, they would be able to provide clear and concise answers?

    It’s likely easy for me to ask questions because, whatever is going on in the world, things haven’t impacted me as harshly as the people in the mainland. I live on an island, we have our fair share of problems, but it’s still problems that need to be addressed.

    • Infrastructure
    • Tourism
    • Homelessness/Available housing
    • Education

    Although, trying to change society is WAY above my pay grade, even if a hypothetical. I’d rather, for now, donate my time, money, blood, and spare resources I could share. I can start small, set a goal for how much and what, research where to donate to, and simply do my part. That’s good enough and easier for me to manage – society is too vast – and engage with.

  • Similar, But Not The Same

    How would you describe yourself to someone?

    I wouldn’t know where to begin if I were to describe myself to someone, be it familiar or stranger. No two people would say the same thing twice. I could be anything to anyone at any point in time:

    • Friendly
    • Empty
    • Neurotic
    • Dull
    • Lazy
    • Bitter
    • Angry
    • Excited
    • Loyal
    • Curious
    • Inquisitive
    • Experimental

    I could be everything in between or nothing at all to anyone. I could be polarizing, neutral, or static, but the answer changes and it’s never consistent. We’re all the strange phenomena of, “Schrödinger’s Cat” – we’re all walking paradoxes of being both alive and dead – we’ll never know the answer unless we open the box, right?

    Even if my task is to describe myself to someone, I wouldn’t be able to. I, myself, have an insufficient vocabulary, so, I wouldn’t have much words to properly express myself well. I am whatever the other person perceives me to be and nothing – reputation or action – could change their mind. I’ve slowly have come to terms with not changing someone else’s mind. Trying to is a terrible waste of time, energy, and resources.

    The one thing that I could share though, despite it all, is that I’m still here; I’m still navigating the complexities of life and seeking simple pleasures wherever and however I can. I know I’ve made strides from the person I used to be to be who I’ve grown into, but old patterns linger and have festered when I thought they were gone. Nope. Out of sight, sure, but never far from mind.

    So, in essence, I’m still fighting to live, fighting to remain, the only word here is fight. I might not be standing on a blue mat, I’ve been thrown around by life, be it by choice or circumstance: surviving, battered, beaten, bloodied, even without obvious evidence showing otherwise. I get up against my severe need for rest and I keep getting slammed anyways. Eventually, I’ll be able to retaliate, I’m bidding my time and waiting for the chance to strike. I know how far I’ve traveled in my own journey, some people don’t need an explanation, only I do and that’s enough.

  • I Had No Idea What I Was Doing, But I Still Fixed This Xbox 360 (With No EXP)

    A New Challenge and New Headaches:

    Welcome, Co-conspirators, The Stratagem’s Archives are now open for perusing. Today, I learned, after HOURS of searching through so much YouTube videos, I have fixed an Xbox 360 with something I’ve never experienced before: An error code, E68.

    Last night my boss at my rage room job received an Xbox 360 in great condition from a customer who said that it was broken. A coworker tested it out on our job’s TV to see what it looked like and it looked like this:

    This video was taken in my apartment, but the system error remained the same.

    The power bank light is green, the power on the system itself is red, and the screen shows an error message on my TV. I had spent, I’m not sure how long, looking for solutions to fix this Xbox. I turned it off, laid it on its side, turned it back on, only to have the same message appear because most of the advice from over 10 years ago showed this did fix their systems. It didn’t work for this one…

    Like this was going to work, but I was skeptical.

    Then, after reading through the comment section from this one YouTube video by “Huzaifa Techincal Guru”, it is when I finally found out the reason for the error code for this Xbox. Now, my Xbox (right of one in video) is fully functioning after all these years when I realized I put the AV cords into the wrong ports of my LG TV. So, I figured, something is causing this other console to act up.

    That’s when the video asks that I take it apart. Not apart to it’s minuscule component, rather to get to it’s hard drive.

    If you can’t spot something different about this vent, then I’ll point it out that the vent looks different where I circled in red. There’s a gap in this vent. That’s where the hard drive is. I was mind blown when I learned those 3 vents were a button to open that hatch!

    The inside to the hard drive!!!

    Once you have the cover off, you will see something with a small piece of fabric sticking out now. That is the hard drive. From my understanding, it is not for extra memory, rather it is used to play first generation Xbox games on this second generation system. It makes it backwards compatible and able to function as though it is the original system.

    Once you remove this hard drive, as far as the error code E68 goes, this is what happened.

    IT’S ALIVE!!!!

    The Xbox starts to function and the error code is gone! Apparently, as far as this experience went, E68 occurs if the hard drive is malfunctioning. You technically don’t need it.

    This is only for allowing the Xbox 360 to play Xbox games.

    The Xbox 360 has it’s own internal memory, unless you want to play games that require more memory or you have a lot of game profiles, the best solution is to remove the current malfunctioning hard drive and get a new one. Else, it’s really not needed and works fine without it.

    One System Has Been Saved!

    After trying to figure out what was wrong with this system, I felt dumb because the solution was so simple – I didn’t have to open the entire system open, I would have broken it for real because I don’t know what to do, then my boss could sell this at work to break. Some people get ecstatic when they get to break a gaming system not theirs. I was so happy because I told them I was going to fix it, with no prior electronics experience AT ALL, and I did!

    Now, my job can do what they want with this system, but I figured that, since it works, we could put it to use than break it when can still be used to play on. The customer that dropped it off also gave the remote controllers and the Kinect system too. All we’d need would be batteries and a few multiplayer games, then we’d be set!

    I’m glad that I was able to figure out how to fix this system, I didn’t want to give up on it until I went through every option possible. Now the Xbox 360 will have multiple error codes appear, but I am thankful I was able to solve one of those error codes today and not resort to watching a system get utterly destroyed.

    I’m biased because I’m a long time gamer; been playing since my dad showed me his PlayStation 1 console playing “Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Nemesis, Frogger, Tomb Raider, Mortal Kombat and other games. Then we got the PS2, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, PSP, and PSVita. I haven’t gotten any new systems in forever, but that’s for later.

    Anyways, I just wanted to share something new I learned and, if your Xbox 360 having the same issues that you want to keep and is fully functional, maybe this might help. Let me know in the comments, what technical issues you had to deal with and how did you fix it? I’m curious to know what kind of electronic mis-adventures you’ve all had, especially if you have no idea what you were doing, but fixed it somehow.

    Until next time, Co-conspirators, The Archives will now be closing. Until we open again!

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  • When You Think Your Car Was Stolen (It Wasn’t) and What to Do Next Time Around:

    Deep Breaths Before Freaking Out:

    Welcome, Co-conspirators, to The Stratagem’s Archives, and it is open for perusing. Recently, I, your humble narrator and purveyor of meticulous plans, was taught a lesson – a valuable one – and, thankfully, it ended up being the best case scenario because the worst case would have sent me into a spiral of despair.

    My part-time rage room had pitted me against my ultimate nemesis: parking. In a downtown area where parking is horrendous, customers and employees are allowed to park in another business’s parking garage until spots open up. It’s a 5 minute walk, including the stoplights and the walk up to the garage, a small inconvenience for a mastermind in the making like myself.

    The Moment I Crumbled

    When there was a lull in the chaos at work, I mentioned to my boss and coworker that I was going to retrieve my car, and headed over. As I ascended towards the parking garage, I walked towards the back corner of the lot, and my worst fear unlocked: my car stall was empty.

    My first impulse had always been to contact my parents, my first points of contact for anything, but they weren’t answering my calls. I panicked, then called my boss because I didn’t know what to do or who else to call. Bless his heart because he walked over to where I was to help as I struggled to maintain my composure. My boss, ever the pragmatist, spoke to the security guard on my behalf.

    The security guard, a surprising font of wisdom, mentioned that patrons often misplace their vehicles in this labyrinthine garage. They hadn’t towed anyone in months, he reassured us, despite the downtown area’s reputation for vehicular heists. I managed a shaky nod, agreeing to take “one more look.”

    A Villain’s Humiliation, A Hero’s Resolve

    I swear, in that moment, I’d never wanted to slap myself so hard in my life until that night. While I waited, my amazing Aunty appeared, dispatched by my now-reachable parents who were mobilizing other family members. She sat with me, a calm presence amidst my unraveling. My boss, having confirmed with the security guard that all was well, headed back to his work.

    My aunty, a seasoned veteran of downtown skirmishes, then delivered a surprisingly profound message. She herself had faced the predatory tactics of local towing companies – notorious for being petty thieves who can charge exorbitant fees, vehicle theft, and unhelpful interactions with the police. “I’m glad this happened,” she said, “because now you’ve experienced what this area is really like.” She emphasized the importance of documentation, of relying on evidence rather than my “fallible memory” in a district known for vehicular thefts. Her wisdom resonated deeply.

    And so, with renewed resolve, I took that “one more look.” I walked up one more floor and there it was, my trusty vehicle, precisely where I had left it. I had been diligently searching the second floor, when my car had been patiently waiting for me on the third floor all along. Upon returning to work, and later, when I arrived home, I made sure to take pictures of my car, just as my aunty advised.

    I took her advice to heart, immediately snapping photos of my car when I returned to work and again when I finally got home. I also had to issue a series of apologies to my boss and all the family members I had unnecessarily alarmed. Despite my embarrassment—being 28, I truly felt I should have “known better,” reacting impulsively instead of proactively assessing the situation—everyone reassured me that such mishaps are common. I thanked them all for their invaluable support, vowing to do better next time.

    A New Stratagem: The Deep Breath & Documentation Protocol

    This misadventure, my co-conspirators, taught me a crucial lesson. Even the most cunning among us can be blindsided by our own panicked assumptions. My villainous tendencies, in this instance, led me to prematurely declare defeat and, worse, to neglect the power of proactive measures.

    My commitment to you, and to my own continued reign of… well, whatever it is I’m reigning over, is this: Next time, when the unexpected strikes, I will implement the Deep Breath & Documentation Protocol. Before succumbing to the urge to declare immediate catastrophe, I will take a moment, survey the scene with a clear mind, and double-check my initial assumptions. Furthermore, I will ensure I have a visual record, a digital alibi, to counter any potential memory lapses or external threats. I will not repeat this mistake, and I hope those who read my blog can learn from my temporary lapse in judgment.

    For those of you, my equally neurotic co-conspirators, who might also find yourselves teetering on the edge of a freak-out, remember my ignominious tale. Before you unleash your inner panic monster, take a deep breath. Seriously. Just one. Then, maybe, another. And if circumstances allow, snap a quick photo. Often, the solution is much simpler (and far less catastrophic) than your racing mind leads you to believe, and a little evidence can save you a lot of grief.

    What minor misstep has sent your carefully constructed plans into a temporary tailspin? Let me know in the comments below and I will see you all again when the archives open!

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