Tag: personal

  • Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Writing Into A Void?

    I just wonder if anyone feels the same – that we’re sharing, but not connecting as we might have thought we were, expert or not.

    -The Stratagem’s Archives

    Are We Sharing, Or Just Speaking Into the Void?

    I had always wanted to start a blog; it was something I wanted to do since high school, but never pursued it. After years of wishing, wanting, and agonizing over why I wasn’t good enough to write, I finally hit that “publish” button in late June of 2025.

    This was an idea that lingered — something I told myself I’d do one day, when I had more time, more to say, or more certainty about what I even wanted to write.

    I finally stopped waiting, I finally gave myself a chance and do something new, even though it scared me.

    When I first started writing, I thought I learned enough to share what strategies I use for my own life and that I could share my ideas and thought with other people.

    However, I’m not an expert, I don’t know what I’m doing a lot of the time, and I’m okay with this.

    I’ve created this space to become my personal archive — a place where I share what I’m learning, what I’m unlearning, and what I’m still sitting with. It’s not always neat. It’s not always deep. But it’s mine, it’s real, and that’s enough for me.

    Still, sometimes I wonder:

    Are we really connecting in these spaces, or are we all just publishing and scrolling past each other?

    I’m not upset about it. It’s something else.

    It’s more like… curiosity mixed with quiet disappointment.

    Like when you wave at someone across the street and they kind of wave back, but you’re not sure they even saw you.

    I see “likes” on my posts, and I’m grateful. I really am.

    But sometimes I wonder:

    Did anyone actually read it? Did what I write sit with them like it sat with me when I wrote it?

    Because when I click “like” on someone else’s post, I’ve read it.

    I’ve usually felt something.

    Sometimes I comment. Sometimes I don’t know what to say. But I try to engage, because I came here to do more than just tap and scroll.

    What Were We Hoping For?

    When we started these blogs — whether on a whim, in a spiral, during burnout, or because of that one night where the urge to write finally won — what did we hope would happen?

    I think a lot of us wanted to:

    • Share what’s on our minds.
    • Feel less alone.
    • Maybe build a quiet corner where people think similar to us.

    And I still believe that’s possible.

    But connection, real connection, seems harder to come by than we expected. At least, to me it is. It’s not automatic, not even in this age of platforms and algorithms.

    I write because I’m afraid of wasting my life and having nothing to show for it.

    I’m afraid of watching life slip by while I waste it — even if I end up wasting it by:

    • Procrastinating.
    • Getting easily distracted.
    • Filling my time with “productive habits and activities” that aren’t going anywhere right now.

    But I choose to write, I make things, I learn something new and interesting, and I archive my thoughts. I press publish — even when I don’t know if anyone’s reading.

    This Isn’t a Call for Validation

    It’s a moment of wondering:

    • Do you feel this too?
    • Do you feel the same, that we’re writing into some void?
    • Does it feel like writing, hitting publish, and simply waiting to be noticed by someone feels like a knife driven into your chest?

    If you’re reading this, and it resonates, I’d love to hear what keeps you writing.

    Or what you hoped your blog would be when you started, or simply say, “hi”, in the comments below..

    If you’d like to check out any of my other works, just to take a look, then these other articles might give you more pieces to the puzzle I’m trying to unravel and decipher myself below.

    Real fast before you move on, a few questions if you’d please:

    What post of mine stuck with you—and why?”

    “What would you want to see more of?”

    “Would you support this space if I offered a way to?”

    Until then — thanks for reading, even silently. The archives will be closing now, and I’ll see you when the archives opens again.

  • What Do I Love About Where I Live?

    What do you love about where you live?

    “A Mastermind’s always thinking!”

    What Makes My Home Special?

    Where I live is the only place I’ve ever known; I’ve lived alongside the ocean all of my life and besides the mountains, so you could say I live directly between the sea and the mountains. I’ve lived in the “country”, though it’s not purely country like the mainland, but it is for us because it’s far out of the way of any tourist attractions.

    It’s also considered “ghetto” and, people outside of the state need to understand that “paradise” has its own share of troubles, has a lot of issues. I remember, before moving out, that our neighbors were climbing their fences one night and called my dad. My parents and I went out looking towards the neighbor behind us’s property and our next door neighbor said he saw 2 kids climbing on the roofs of people’s garages to get into everyone else’s yards.

    We’ve had issues with the surrounding distant neighbors, but kids sneaking in the dead of night and trespassing into other people’s properties? That was a new and terrifying development.

    We’ve had fires, water mains breaking, rolling power outages, cops and fire fighters and EMTs showing up at random times throughout the day and night that it was normal.

    My city literally only has one way going in and one way going out, there’s no other way to get to it unlike the other cities that are connected by the highways, freeways, and backroads. So, getting home would take between 2-3 hours before, maybe longer, because of traffic and the long traffic lights. Though that was before I moved to a different city, but it was home.

    Renting in a different city is different because I don’t have the luxury of my own space as before. Don’t get me wrong, I’m renting a studio and I have the place to myself, but having neighbors just less than a feet away from my door is stressful.

    I could play with my dogs, let them run around in the yard without much problems, I could eat as much ice cream or chocolate shakes if we had because my city has a dry heat to it. Even with a nice breeze, it would carry heat instead of cooling us down, though privacy was ensured from people we didn’t like.

    Our neighbors were good, we’d help each other out, I’d pick mangoes from our tree when they bloomed and make sure to share. Our neighbor’s wife would offer us mango bread in turn, she’s good friends with my grandma, and it was nice. We didn’t expect anything, though it became a ritual.

    I’ve visited a decent amount of places over the years in my lifetime:

    • California
    • Texas
    • Texarkana
    • Las Vegas
    • Colorado
    • South Korea
    • Japan

    Even though a lot of places were nicer than where I lived, it never felt like a place that I could call home. Everywhere else, though this isn’t to say it’s true, felt disconnected. It didn’t feel like a place I could call or make it a home because I’ve never stayed long enough to explore that possibility.

    I do miss living near the ocean and smelling the salt being carried on the breeze, seeing the white haze on an early morning drive because the water churned up so much salt, and getting a nice view of the night sky because there isn’t as much light pollution.

    I miss my family as well, I do what I can to visit and keep in touch, but when I was presented with an opportunity to experience independent living, I took it. They won’t be around forever, so learning what it’ll be like without them will be a lot, it is a lot to think about, so I better do what I can and appreciate and irritate them while I can.

  • Positive Emotions, You Say?

    What positive emotion do you feel most often?

    Throughout the entirety of my personal journey – betting on myself and moving ahead with projects I had postponed – I hadn’t been gripped with a shadow of “positive emotion” in a long time.

    I sat with the emotions I usually feel: anger, resentment, bitterness, and regret. But beneath them was something else, something subtle, and fleeting, yet it made itself known.

    Pride.

    Resilient.

    Persistent.

    In the moments where my demons surface, beneath their screams and shouts is something quieter; when it seems all of the work I’ve been putting in to build something I can call my own, to live my life on my own terms, is for naught, it whispers, “keep going.”

    These emotions: my pride, my resilience, and my persistence will channel my anger and regret into something better, beautiful, and enduring for my life to matter.

    Make it count. Make it matter. Move forward.”

  • The Stratagem Begins: From Scarcity to Financial Empowerment: Part 1:

    The Stratagem’s Budgeting Strategy:

    Welcome, Co-conspirators, to the Financial Acquisition category of the ‘Stratagem’s Archive’. Here, I shall unveil the blueprints of my journey to forge wealth and refine my financial acumen.

    But first, a candid admission: I used to be a money miser, a penny pinching devotee. Overcoming this was a challenge that spanned years. Yet, through relentless study, meticulous observation, and the crucible of trial and error, I have diligently forged my budgeting muscles. I now wield my resources with precision, aggressively dismantling my debts while simultaneously expanding my reserves.

    The very tactics I’ve deployed are perfect for those embarking on their own financial campaigns, for several reasons:

    • A solid foundation: It builds a stronghold of accountability.
    • Field-tested Principles: You can adapt my proven methodologies, calibrating them to your unique objectives.
    • Accelerated Conquests: Bypass years of independent struggle by learning directly from my tactical missteps.

    What I’ve Learned From Trial and Error: A Mastermind’s Reckoning:

    My path to becoming financially adept – competent, confident, and literate – was fraught with gaps, bumps, and unseen traps. While I do not claim the title of a financial oracle, I have discovered how to command my capital with a select arsenal of tools: the strategic deployment of cash over credit, the unerring guidance of sound judgement, and a humble calculator.

    At the time of this writing, I am systematically eradicating $16,000 of outstanding debt. This includes just under $4,000 in credit card debt, burdened by a formidable 25.26% Annual Percentage Rate(APR), and a personal loan nearing $12,000, at a slightly less hostile 8.70% APR. The shift from my family’s domain to my own studio apartment necessitated a total recalibration of my spending and savings protocols.

    Consider this: my previous credit card usage, spanning rent, groceries, utilities, gas, subscriptions, online courses, and various indulgences, led to a critical decision. I elected to holster my credit card. It remains in my wallet – a symbolic presence – yet I’ve disciplined myself not to reach for it. My superior alternative? Cash. It is, undeniably, king.

    I bestow upon cash this regal title for several tactical advantages:

    1. The Visceral Command: cash compels you to experience the “pain of paying” or “tangible loss.” Unlike a digital transaction, paying with physical currency forces you to witness and feel the fruits of your labor depart from your grasp. Your wallet lightens. This act alone forces a ruthless prioritization of your expenditures.
    2. Eradicating Self-deception: cash thwarts the insidious illusion fostered by credit card’s “buy now, pay later” deception. The notion that money is “just numbers on a screen” is precisely how one becomes ensnared in debt’s relentless, revolving clutches.

    A Look Into a Mastermind’s Day: Deploying Cash With Precision:

    When I embark on my weekly supply acquisition – as a singular entity, unburdened by dependents(a crucial distinction for context) – I execute a precise cash withdrawal. I procure between $200-$300 and strategically distribute it among four distinct envelopes:

    1. Guilt-Free Spending: My personal allocation for any desired acquisition (a concept masterfully coined by Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You to be Rich, whose work I actively employ).
    2. Giving: Building a charitable fund, for cultivating my “generosity” muscles.
    3. Blog Fund: A dedicated reserves for my digital empire, offsetting domain costs and securing future compensation.
    4. Necessities: The bulk of my withdrawals are deployed here. Sustenance, fuel, clean attire, and hygiene products are the pillars of daily operations.

    Allow me to illustrate a typical deployment: I allocate $20 to each of my four envelopes for the week, leaving me with $220. My next move is a reconnaissance of my vehicle’s fuel gauge. If my gas tank registers at or below the halfway mark, I immediately set aside $40 for replenishment. Should my fuel reserves be sufficient, that $40 is repurposed for laundry, converting into the necessary quarters for a clean uniform. Following these maneuvers, I am left with $180 for grocery provisions.

    I maintain a meticulous inventory of my apartment’s assets and deficiencies. If food reserves are low for the week, provisioning sustenance becomes the paramount objective. If soap, toothpaste, cleaning agents, or other hygiene products are scarce, these immediately ascend the priority ladder.

    Before each shopping expedition, I activate my phone’s calculator – my digital co-pilot.I precisely estimate the cost of each item I intend to acquire. This provides a crucial pre-tax approximation of my total expenditure, preventing unforeseen overruns. For instance, my recent grocery list, calculated using sticker prices, yielded an estimate of $160.80. With the application of taxes, the finally tally reached $168.38. I maintain a $20 contingency fund because the exact tax burden remains unknown until the final transaction, and I refuse to breach my cash parameters.

    This iterative process, executed with each shopping foray, has sharpened my ability to discern true value from fleeting desire. I can acquire what I deem essential, but I cannot acquire everything. This is a vital distinction, for it reveals that many items merely flirt with the “want” category rather than the need. This self-awareness is not a limitation, but a profound step towards becoming a mindful and intentional architect of your financial dominion.

    In Conclusion: Your Move, Co-conspirator:

    You’ve witnessed the power of conscious transactions, the foundational truth that lies within the simple act of cash. This is merely the first brick in your empire. For those with the ambition to command their financial future, the knowledge within the Stratagem’s Archive is indispensable.

    Decimating debt: Learn the precise tactics I’ve employed to eliminate debt and reclaiming your financial power:Eradicating A Burden: Eliminating Personal Debt to Ascend:

    The question is not if you can build your empire, but if you possess the will. Begin your deeper immersion now. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s begin a productive discussion, and it is time for the Stratagem’s Archives to close. Until opening day, co-conspirators.

    Enjoyed this post?

    I write about creativity, coding, art, and personal growth.

    Subscribe to follow my journey and get new posts when they drop!