Tools Are Supposed to Help Us, Right?
I’ve tried just about everything in the name of “self-improvement.”
Apps, challenges, journals, lessons — all promising clarity and control.
But after all that effort, nothing in my life was actually changing.
I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t unmotivated. I was simply outsourcing my thinking.
The Mighty Network Experiment
I joined The Daily Stoic’s Mighty Network app for their Spring Forward Challenge 2025 — a two-week program to clean up every part of your life. Room, car, home, phone, even your habits. I was excited to finally join a community, to do something that felt constructive.
And for a while, I did enjoy it. I joined the “Tame Your Temper” course too because, truthfully, I have one. I wanted to be a good student of Stoicism. Then, like a light switch, I stopped.
The app just sat there on my home screen. I’d scroll past it daily, but never felt the need to open it again. I wasn’t avoiding it — I was just… done.
At first, I thought that meant I’d failed. But something deeper was stirring in the background. I wasn’t burned out. I was waking up.
The Realization
The challenges and courses weren’t bad. They were designed to guide me — to give me structure and show me a path. The problem wasn’t the tools. The problem was how I used them.
I was following instructions without questioning whether they fit my life, my habits, or my values. I’d become a student again — memorizing, not learning. Regurgitating, not applying.
It’s a familiar pattern, isn’t it?
When Learning Becomes Substituting
I moved on to other self-improvement apps — like The Alux app, which focuses on the “five pillars” of a good life: finances, emotional health, intellect, relationships, and physical well-being. The lessons were solid, but they all shared one flaw:
They told me what to do, rarely why, and never how to think for myself.
Then, one evening during a quiet five-minute meditation — right before my alarm (fittingly called “Thunder Bringer”) went off — it hit me:
The real work doesn’t happen in an app.
It doesn’t live inside someone else’s framework.
It happens here — in the silence, in reflection, in the moments when you ask:
“Does this even make sense for me anymore?”
Frameworks can guide, but they can’t think for you. They can’t teach discernment — only experience can. Once you learn enough from a tool, the real challenge begins: knowing when to put it down and trust your own judgment.
That’s when growth stops being theoretical — and becomes real.
Practicing Autonomy with Money
One framework that truly helped me was Ramit Sethi’s “I Will Teach You to Be Rich.”
It taught me how to manage my money and start building my version of a rich life.
I’ve been aggressively paying down debt, investing consistently, automating my finances, and slowly rebuilding my emergency fund. I don’t follow Ramit’s percentages to the letter — I adjusted them to fit my situation.
I prioritize paying off debt first. My “guilt-free spending” comes from simple pleasures: home-cooked meals, protein shakes that don’t wreck my stomach, donating to my local animal sanctuary, or treating family to dinner.
That’s the key difference now: I learned from the framework, then made it mine.
When the lessons became habits, I didn’t need the framework anymore.
And if Ramit ever finds this — thanks. You taught me to stop chasing financial perfection and start living intentionally.
What’s Next Now?
Am I saying we should stop learning? Of course not.
Some lessons take years to reach us, others appear only when we’re ready.
But I noticed something important after stepping away from all the apps, videos, and podcasts.
My life was still the same on paper: same full-time job, same debts, same exhaustion. I still hate how draining work feels, I still get angry and worn down, and I still fight with my own thoughts.
But the difference is — I’m not looking outside myself for permission to change anymore.
Philosophy and self-improvement didn’t teach me my values or boundaries. I learned them through hurt, betrayal, ghosting, and years of being a placeholder in other people’s lives.
No course told me to stop drinking — I did that alone in 2018 when I realized alcohol wasn’t numbing anything, only amplifying it. That’s when I started listening, not to experts, but to my own silence.
So, Are Frameworks Worthless?
No. They’re not.
They’re useful — until they’re not.
Every framework has a shelf life.
Use it, learn from it, but know when to outgrow it.
Because if you’re just keeping a daily streak alive, or checking boxes to “stay consistent,” you might be moving — but not necessarily growing.
Take a Step Back and See What Happens
The question is: When was the last time you stopped following a system and started thinking for yourself again?
This is my challenge to you — especially if you’re deep into the world of self-improvement, philosophy, or productivity hacks.
Take a step back. Pause.
Put the app down, skip the next lesson, and just think.
Ask yourself:
- What have I actually learned from this?
- What can I apply without guidance?
- What can I let go of now?
You might find, like I did, that the noise starts to fade — and your own voice starts to return.
I still hate parts of my life. I still get angry. But that anger taught me to stop tolerating bullshit. That exhaustion taught me that my effort matters. That loneliness taught me how to stand on my own.
No app could’ve taught me that.
Only life, and my willingness to really learn, could.
Reflection for Readers:
If you’ve been chasing self-improvement for years but still feel stuck, maybe it’s not because you’re failing — maybe it’s because you’ve learned all you can from your current framework. The next lesson might not be in a course or app. It might be waiting in your own reflection.
If this resonated with you — or if you know someone who’s caught in the same cycle — share this post with them.
Like it, subscribe, or pass it on to someone who’s ready to start thinking for themselves again.
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Start Here With Other Reflections:
If you liked this article, then you can check out the first post reflecting how self-improvement imprisons us, and how experience shapes us more than “habits and lessons” ever could empower us, in these posts below:
- What If Becoming Better is Making Us Worse?
- What Good is “History” If There’s No Future?
- Have You Fully Met Yourself in the Silence?
- The Moment I Stopped Waiting for Permission
Or you could check out the archives by clicking on these links below. I’ll see you all there later. Thank you.
