The Stratagem’s Archive

Tag: Intentional living

  • The Real Pros and Cons of Rage Rooms (From Someone Who Works in One)

    A sketch of my job’s mascot representing a person’s (mental and emotional) prison FINALLY getting a chance to be let out in a rage room.

    I Would Like To Rage!!! In A Rage Room!

    “Ever felt that bubbling rage boiling up from within the pit of your soul? You know the feeling: Your body begins shaking, you feel your hands curling and clenching, your breathing becomes shallower and fast, your vision begins to narrow and sound becomes less noticeable, and you feel the need to exert energy and force.

    Many of us keep our emotions bottled up, afraid of judgement and the consequences that will follow if we act on our anger indiscriminately and lash out.

    That’s where a Rage Room comes in!

    A Smash room, a break room, a destruction room, whatever you want to call them, these rooms will allow you to safely explore these feelings that are commonly frowned upon in civilized society in a safe, controlled, and sanctioned environment.

    Observations From A Rage Room Attendant

    As a rage rooms attendant, I’ve seen a lot of different people enter the rage room for their own reasons. Many people, after getting everyone comfortable with the idea with breaking and destroying things, are initially visiting for a few reasons:

    • It’s a company team building experience.
    • A family or friend outing.
    • Are looking for novelty.
    • Celebrating something significant.
    • Going through a lot of stress and emotions.
    • Had been hurt, betrayed, or been through a break up.

    After they pick their items, are suited up, given the safety rules, and put into the rooms, depending on the size of their party, it’s usually free game within their 30-45 minute time slot.

    Some people are awkward and don’t put too much force behind their swings or throws that I tend to find a lot of things left unbroken that I can give to the next group to break.

    Although, most visitors are military, so they fall into one of two categories:

    They are either so efficient that they are in and out of the room in under 5 minutes, likely due to their efficiency and training, while others take their time and enjoy themselves after being on tour.

    Then there’s those who are doing this for fun with friends and family, or people who are celebrating a huge win for their company and they actually like and enjoy their coworkers enough to do an outing, and or someone is leaving their company and this is a farewell gift(a pretty cool and memorable one in my opinion).

    I’ve seen the people who have had their hearts broken. There is nothing more painful and rage inducing than hurt, pain, and loss. When they enter, some are willing to share that they’ve gone through a break up, they still have a smile or neutral expression on their face, but others you can tell only by the type of music they play when the room door closes. It’s pretty obvious and we can see their behavior on the cameras to make sure they’re doing okay.

    Real World Examples In Action

    I remember a group of women, three friends, came in because one friend was going through heartbreak. All three were extremely enthusiastic when in the room that I saw they were stomping on a CPU unit after being told not to in the safety briefing.

    Fun can make people myopic, but they knew what they were getting themselves into and we made sure they didn’t do anything to really hurt themselves or each other.

    Another visitor was a high school boy and his good friend. He was visiting because he was going through a break up, and from what the dad, and the boy’s choice in music, told me.

    The second I heard, “Photograph, Thinking Out Loud, and Perfect” by Ed Sheeran, ‘I’m Not The Only One” by Sam Smith, “It Will Rain” by Bruno Mars, and other sad sounding love songs, I knew what was happening.

    The Pro’s of A Rage Room

    I may be a rage room attendant trying to endorse people to try something I work at, but I’ve seen the benefits of people taking their frustrations out with us than outside in the world. Besides novelty, a Rage Room:

    • Allows for safe and immediate release of anger and excess emotions: Why destroy things outside and get arrested, when you can do so someplace designed for this kind of release?
    • Accessible and low-commitment: Unlike therapy or martial arts gyms, you don’t have to commit to scheduled sessions. You can walk in, smash and scream, drink water, and leave and return whenever you want.
    • Provides cathartic support: You don’t have to talk, no one has to listen, it’s just you in a room with things to break, a few lead pipes and sledgehammers, and the world doesn’t have to bat an eye to you in that room. Except us employees. Whatever happens in the rage room, stays in the rage room(unless you’re recording on your phone).

    What Are the Downsides?

    The cons are just as important to know as the pros. They do make a difference if you want to give it a try or not, but it’s not always a make or break deal. Visiting a rage room isn’t always the best solution. A rage room:

    • Can be expensive: It’s a better investment than bail, but the money could be better used towards therapy or a martial arts classes.
    • It doesn’t address the root cause or emotion for the visit: rage rooms are meant to be fun, novel, and an outlet for sublimation, but it’s not a solution. Rage rooms can’t provide skills or strategies to deal with anger or excess emotions that professional help is better equipped to do.
    • It could reinforce destructive behavior: Ironically, though we do have repeat customers, a rage room might reinforce someone’s inclination to deal with their emotions through destructive means. I’m not suggesting that these repeat customers fall into this assumption, but people are interesting and might cling to this outlet as the only solution they can get.
    • Not readily available in your area: Rage rooms are a growing trend, but aren’t everywhere. My workplace is the only one in my state, so some people have to take a drive down or need a plane ticket over. It’s another reason to consider long-term and local alternatives instead.

    Do Rage Rooms Have Anything Else?

    Yes, as far as my job goes, Rage rooms do have other means of letting excess energy out. People don’t have to come in angry to enjoy the services my job can offer, though some people are usually in need of a different kind of release. One not catering towards destruction, rather one that’s more creative.

    We have a Zen Lounge where people can relax, talk stories, and chill after a rage room session or before entering the Splatter Room.

    A Splatter Room is an open paint room where you can shoot paint at the walls, the provided canvases, or each other with paint guns or the paint kits.

    It’s a different and creative release some people appreciate instead of wanting to break things when they don’t feel compelled to.

    We do provide safety gear: ponchos, eye wear, and boots to protect people’s clothes and eyes as best as possible, but friends and family make that difficult when fun’s involved.

    Being creative can be just as cathartic as the rage room as it lets you be physical and you don’t have to care what you create, compared to painting a masterpiece or someone’s house.

    What About The Overly Enthusiastic Individuals?

    Some people have asked, other than what items they are allowed to bring to smash from the outside, if they could bring the person who hurt them in to smash. Other than an obvious, “no”, I’m able to suggest another alternative.

    An Alternative To Rage: Martial Arts

    I’ve done wrestling and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu prior to working at the rage room, so I suggest that people can visit a sparring gym.

    Any gym that offers sparring:

    • Boxing.
    • Kickboxing.
    • Judo.
    • Muay-Thai.
    • Wrestling.
    • BJJ.
    • ANY MARTIAL ARTS GYM.

    Any good gym will teach you new physical skills and how to ensure you keep a level head. Anger doesn’t make a person stronger, no matter how much of a fan of Dragon Ball Z or Naruto: Shippuden you are.

    Those are animes; we don’t live in an anime where we’re the main characters with plot armor. I know this intimately and from experience that anger makes you sloppy, predictable, and a sore loser who refuses to learn or adjust their approach to the sport and to life.

    True Strength Lies Within

    I had spent more than 10 years wrestling with my anger. During BJJ training, I didn’t care what happened to me, I wanted to see what I could do. Even if that meant enduring some locks or chokes because I didn’t want to tap out and I wanted to see if I could get out. My personal motto was, “If I can talk, I’m still breathing.”

    However, I’ve been dealing with emotional numbness for years that a professor at my gym told me some people, and himself, thought something was wrong with me.

    That kind of hurt because that told me people thought I was damaged in some way and it showed in my training. I was eager to learn and use my wrestling experience to help me learn a new sport, but I needed to FEEL something, anything, because I struggled to that wasn’t anger. So, once being told this, I tried to tap more, but my habits always kicked in, unless something really did hurt.

    My training would suffer when I got mad; I would be blind to the countermoves, to the opportunities to attack and defend. I needed more energy, and my trade off was horrible in the end.

    I hated training, I hated myself, and that hate made it difficult to learn or pay attention to the lessons being taught, in BJJ and in life.

    I would rather train and spar than deal with the real reasons for my anger, but I did it anyways. I needed to because doing nothing would have gotten me into real trouble. Then what? I’d be in jail and have that on my record for life, making a lot of opportunities impossible and out of reach than it already is for me.

    Therapy wasn’t the best fit for me when I tried it, but I’m not averse to trying again. Money is kinda tight right now, so I’ve started taking notes, noticing any changes in myself and what could have caused it, setting boundaries, having standards for myself, while pursing new outlets at home and on a budget.

    Seeking professional help, even learning new skills, to redirect anger through a sport or art is more powerful than anger ever could be. It takes more strength and courage to do the things that scare us and I know well that facing my own demons are terrifying.

    I’ve been noticing that some places in my life ignite the rage I’ve been keeping under wraps. It emerges when I feel disrespected, looked down upon, or made a fool of because I’m not conventionally successful or in a position of authority. I’m just a grunt at my full time job and it drives me up the wall.

    Anger and sublimation are signals, not long term solutions, and are trying to tell you that something is wrong. Don’t let it consume you because you might do something you could regret.

    Reflection

    Have you ever gone to a rage room for its novelty, creative outlet, or needed to break something that wasn’t going to hit you back? If you did, share your experience with 1 word that described what it was like or how you felt when you visited.

    I’d love to know what your opinions on them are in the comments below. No pressure. No clickbait. Just curious. Thank you, Fellow Archivists, I’ll see you all in another post.

    Call to Action

    If any part of this resonated with you — the release, the rage, the quiet that follows after — consider sharing this piece with someone who might need a reminder that it’s okay to break before you rebuild.

    Every read, like, subscribe, and share helps this small corner of the internet grow a little louder in a world that keeps trying to quiet us down.

    Below are other reflections I had on feeling anger, redirecting it, not feeling enough, and doing something different.

    Gifts From The Archives:

  • I’m Afraid of Wasting My Potential — So I Learn Everything I Can, While I Can.

    How do you plan your goals?

    An Unstructured Structured System

    My goals undergo a process; it often comes from a place of spontaneity: listing every curiosity and skill down on paper, researching the amount of time and resources I’m able to free up without forfeiting my current lifestyle or neglecting my current obligations, and doing a process of elimination.

    More often than not, my plans are born from a place of mild obsession. I hate feeling small, weak, worthless, useless, and always at the mercy of someone else because of their “position/place of authority.”

    To put it simply, I carry a few questions with me everyday. It scratches the surface of my awareness to the point I’m physically on auto-pilot, but mentally overstimulated and calculating:

    • How Much Time Do I Have Left?
    • How Many More Opportunities Do I Have Left To Explore?
    • How Many of My Curiosities Will I Be Able To Satisfy?
    • Will I Be Proud of My Life If I Stay Where I Currently Am?

    These aren’t the complete list of questions, but they are the most important. I had spent the first 2 decades of my life hiding, playing video games to numb the pain, to hide the fact that I was not gifted with much skill, brains, or strength. I could easily acquire skills and experience quick in video games, unless you’re playing any FromSoft game, but I refused to do the same in real life.

    I decided very recently to change my narrative, and it’s a hit or miss some days. Starting a blog was born from a long wish to write and share when I have no one who would sit and listen in person; I’m learning to code, despite having had an awful experience in university with zero exposure or knowledge prior, to be an opportunity to overcome self-imposed limitations; Allowing my mind to wander and become distracted often leads to adding fuel to my personal fire.

    What Are My Reasons For Planning Things This Way?

    My reasons for planning my goals this way is simple. I’m not striving towards pure freedom, some rules need to remain in place. I’m striving to reduce fear’s hold on me and to expand my options. To use my anger against myself, circumstances, other people that irritates me for something constructive.

    How many of us are living life where our options are limited?

    That is what I want, to expand my options, to release as much anger and rage as I can, one centimeter at a time. The goals I’m striving are for me, for where I want to go, who I want to grow into, and to experience things that I had denied myself and witness and be a part of as many things as I can. True freedom is to have options, instead of having no options and feeling powerless, small, useless,worthless, and a failure.

    These are my goals, my struggles, my process, and my drive. Time is against me, it’s against all of us, and my self imposed deadline is fast approaching. 3 more years, I wonder what I’ll have accomplished by then. Only time will tell, and me!

    For more of my writing and things I’ve been planning, you can check out my other articles below. Thanks!

  • It is Important to Carry Memories

    What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

    I’m a hypocrite because I don’t make enough memories in my life with my family or those I care about. I’ve always hated cameras and flashes – it mostly stemmed from a childhood fear of one of R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps book about the haunted camera – and I never liked seeing my own face.

    Although, I guess I’d rather live through the memories than be included in the memories. I’ve always believed that my presence, even among family, tends to spoil the fun and experience. I’ve gotten good at being an observer because I know what it’s like to have someone very close to me lose their memories, themselves, in real time.

    Despite my personal feelings, the reason I chose memories is because I grew up with my paternal grandpa who had Alzheimer’s. As a kid, I didn’t understand why my Papa couldn’t remember much and my family told me to be patient because he couldn’t remember. You can’t tell a kid to do something when, at such young ages, it’s instinct to be impulsive and impatient.

    On the days he forgot, it hurt because it was as though, as a kid, my Papa could remember to do his chores, walk to McDonald’s to get his coffee, and get home safely, but not remember us.

    Sadly, I wasn’t the most behaved kid and I would do really stupid things like, locking the house door from the inside and watching him try to force the door open until my grandma would tell me to open the door. After I did, my grandpa would walk in, see me, and nothing else.

    I even remember when I would sleep in my grandma’s living room and I was woken up because my head was hurting, like someone was taking a hammer to my skull, and it had been my Papa hitting my head like I was a pillow because: 1)it was dark; 2)he couldn’t recognize or remember me.

    Even though it’s been years since I thought about him, he passed away in 2009 and I was just entering intermediate school, I think I’m thinking of him because my maternal grandpa passed away last month.

    He was still young – in his mid-sixties – he loved to cook, sing, play cards and make up his own rules to play, he told me stories of his time in the Army, his regrets, and how he would have done things differently if he had the chance.

    Now, I have both of my grandma’s still alive, but because I’ve been working so hard I haven’t made time to hang out with them or my family.

    My paternal grandma is in her early 80’s, still sound of mind and body, and maternal grandma is in her late 60’s, still sound of mind and body too.

    I fear that something will happen to my paternal grandma because I moved out, even though I tend to call her, I haven’t called her in a while. Even to my other grandma, hell, even to my parents.

    My mom likes taking pictures, I found them a waste of time, but as I’m getting older I’m starting to see their significance. As I get older, so does everyone else, and the amount of time I’ll get to listen to my family’s stories grow smaller and smaller, but even memories will slowly fade with time.

    I can’t remember much of my time with my Papa anymore and my Grandpa’s stories are slowly fading because I didn’t hang out with him as much as he wanted. I’d try, but I also didn’t make much effort either.

    I don’t know what anyone is going through, but if you have people in your life you still care about: call them, tell them you love them, something. Anything, especially if they do matter to you. My family doesn’t say a lot of things enough, we’re not ones for words of affirmation but through actions, but I can share that, from my experience, it does make a difference.

    I’m still working on this myself as I’m learning to navigate my own life as I’m approaching my new life stage of 30. Not there yet, but making memories is all we’ll have, even if we forget them, it’ll come back to us when we need them.

  • What Would I Want My Blog To Achieve?

    What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

    The kind of changes that I would like my blog to achieve would be what I had originally planned it to be – a place where I could share my thoughts and ideas, archive the things that I’ve been trying my hand at and what I’ve learned so far, and possibly connect with people who might have similar interests as well.

    I had let fear stop me from trying new things and from pursuing things I wanted to because I believed it was difficult and I was intellectually challenged to learn. It wasn’t because I was dumb, rather I had been in a state of “learned helplessness”, I was inadvertently taught to give up and do something I could comprehend instead of pushing through.

    After years of allowing this trend to stop me, I finally started my own blog and I’ve been using it to share my progress, interests, and lessons learned from the day to day of my life or from lessons learned from somewhere else. I got fed up with living in faer, with stopping myself from trying new things, and from not exploring sooner because I am feeling behind in life.

    Despite feeling this way, I have a literal written record of what I’ve been doing, trying, and applying in my life through WordPress, through The Stratagem’s Archives, originally known as Plans2Action, to keep me accountable on my plans and executing on them while I’m still alive. I won’t have a lot of stories to take with me into my next life if I didn’t do anything new or had finished something to completion.

    Even if my blog doesn’t change the world or impact the lives of others in some large or small way. The only life that it should change is ultimately mine and this venture had been no small feat since starting. But it had led to some pretty grand ideas to formulate and execute on, right? I’ll see how this will go for me; I’m simply “Just an average dilettante who likes learning new things, see what outcomes I get, and share what I’ve learned here.”

  • My Life Through An Alternate Lens

    Describe your life in an alternate universe.

    Exploring The Opposite Side of Me

    I could imagine that an Alternative version of Me would have pushed through a lot of things. Alternative Me would have:

    • Stood her ground or walked away from friendships that weren’t supportive of her.
    • Avoided being a victim of stalking from discerning people sooner.
    • Stopped being a people pleaser ASAP.
    • Pushed through 1 more year of wrestling.
    • Started many projects early on: YouTube, blogging, coding, game design, locking picking, investing, etc.
    • Pursued scholarships to afford a full 4 years of university.
    • Pursued a mentorship or went abroad for school.
    • Avoided (personal loan) debts and paid with cash (for most things).
    • Found an apartment sooner to learn independent living, rely on family less sooner too.
    • Took my nutrition, sleep, and health more seriously.
    • Spent more time hanging out with family than shutting herself in her room over the years.

    Everything I currently am, the lessons I’ve learned up until now, this alternate me would have learned sooner and done things sooner with a broader and larger portfolio than what I currently have built up so far.

    Very likely I would have explored and been exposed to different fields, different people, experiences, and lessons sooner because I stood up for myself and didn’t let fear control me as my current self had done for years.

    So afraid of being alone, I clung to horrible friendships; So afraid of failure, I struggle to accept compliments and need constant reassurance that I’m doing alright; So terrified of being criticized that I never improving my skills or further my learning: writing, sketching, health, investing, anything until 2023 to 2025.

    But I can’t dwell on the past or on what I should have done, I’ll become depressed, and I’ll need to keep working on myself and pursue the things I want to while I still have the time. I had wasted years on hypotheticals that my reality had declined until this year alone, that it’s time to put in the work now more than ever. Time to improve, learn from the past, and build my present and future regardless of where I am today!

  • $200 in Exchange For More Time and Memories

    What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

    Before every Outback Steakhouse closed down in my state, it was the restaurant that my family would go to for lunch and dinner. It was the closest, and one of the better, sit down restaurant where it would be roughly a 20 minute drive for both sides of our family to get there.

    We used to buy a lot of appetizers before the entrees and then pack in dessert. For 2 people in a HCOL state, $200 is roughly the norm, including tip as well.

    The reason Outback was special was because it had been where I used to take my grandpa for his birthdays – I wasn’t making much money, but it was worth spending the little money I was earning – to hang out and talk stories with him.

    Good food, good company, what else could anyone ask for?

    I hadn’t hung out with my grandparent’s on my Mom’s side often, I usually didn’t feel like going to visit their house because I just preferred to stay home. Although, I used to work the night shift before, so I couldn’t hang out regardless during the week.

    Just so happen, my grandpa’s birthday landed on my days off, so I called him to hang out and we met up. He’d try to ask me if we could do lunch whenever I was free, but our days wouldn’t always line up because of our jobs. Gramps wasn’t retired yet, he was pretty young, so the movie productions would call him to work and I had my job to do too.

    Anyways, I remember some of the stories he used to tell me:

    • His time in the US Army after her graduated high school.
    • When he was stationed in Japan and in South Korea during the Propaganda war between North and South Korea, I think. (I remember the propaganda part, that was crazy!)
    • He was one of the few American soldiers that was able to compete, and win, in the Korean soldier’s Taekwondo military competitions.
    • He used to be the unofficial quartermaster in his unit. Whatever you needed: money, steaks, cigarettes, beer, he was able to get it and provided. He even remembered selling to his CO’s and they wouldn’t bother.

    I remember that he shared a few of his regrets. Gramps was a stubborn guy, like it was either his way or the highway kind of stubborn. He wished he made different choices if he had the chance. He told me that he:

    • Wished he stayed the full 20 years of active service to have gotten the pension and benefits from the military. He only completed 17 years.
    • Instead of joining the movie productions as an equipment driver, he wished he became a Stevedore instead. He mentioned they had great benefits and were part of a good union, but he was young and arrogant then.

    My Grandpa seemed vulnerable during those moments. I know that, as he got weaker, no one took him seriously at the house. I would tell my younger cousins that, if Gramps was as young as he was when I came into the picture, they’d be shitting themselves.

    They didn’t believe me because the Gramps they grew up with was very different from the Gramps I grew up with.

    At family gatherings, I’d help him cook. He’d show me how he did things, be it steak or making shrimp tempura from scratch. I listened when I was there because it seemed no one else was listening. Not even my younger, and his favorite of us, cousins.

    We recently had his funeral – he was in and out of the hospitals and we all thought he was getting better – and it didn’t look like he was dead in his casket. He looked like he was sleeping instead.

    I waited to see if he was going to sit up and have this as some sick joke because we didn’t visit as often like we said, make us come together in a morbid way. But he didn’t. He didn’t wake up.

    Much like my other grandpa who died when I was graduating Elementary school, though he had Alzheimer’s, I’ll eventually forget this grandpa’s stories: I’ll forget how he sounds like, what he smelled like, how he used to play music and sing. I might eventually forget the songs he sang along to too. I know what they are, I had most of them on my first IPhone in high school, but I won’t be able to hear him sing along anymore.

    Just like my other grandpa who passed years prior, the only memory I can remember is when he used to hum to himself. Just a tune when his mind was good. I used to copy him intuitively to remember. Even his tune is a broken forgotten melody I struggle to pull to the surface.

    Even though I didn’t have the money then, I could have made more money, made more time for him. But I was more worried about my paternal Grandma I lived with because she was much older than my maternal grandpa that I thought we’d have more time.

    The last time he was strong was when we celebrated my 28th birthday at the Cheesecake Factory last year. I was working the night shift when he passed away in the hospital this year.

    My parents told me the morning after I finished work, and on my day off, that he passed and I asked them why they didn’t call me. They said that they didn’t want to tell me while I was working and that they didn’t want me to remember my gramps’s last moments with his passing.

    I could have at least been there, but that time passed and now he’s gone. I don’t think of him much these days, but when I do, I still cry. Like I didn’t grieve enough at his funeral.

    I wish I had more time, I wish I didn’t waste what time I had, and I’d trade all the money I have and more if I could have been around more. But I can’t and I’ve learned from my mistakes with my surviving Grandmas. Do more than I did before.

    Even though I had spent $200 at Outback to celebrate the few birthdays the two of us went for him, it was worth the memories we have and I miss him.

  • What The Little Things Mean to Me — And Why They Matter More Than They Should.

    List 30 things that make you happy.

    Maybe 30 Is Too Much

    I can enjoy a few small things that make me forget the insanity of the world and my current place in it – most are free and others have a monetary price – as these ground me most days. These take my mind off of whatever distresses me and I’m able to temporarily return to a baseline of calm and ease.

    This isn’t a comprehensive list, though it is long, but it’s not everything that brings me joy. You know when you have a lot of interests and you have to narrow things down to fit on an index card? Yeah, I had to do that here. What usually brings me joy, the order is of no importance, is:

    • A walk around the neighborhood
    • A hot bath after a long day of working
    • A good book to read
    • A good pen to write with and a good journal to write in
    • Good music to listen to
    • A good movie to watch
    • Making time to sketch
    • Playing a good game (video, card, reading, or D&D)
    • Letting a YouTube “Let’s Play” playlist play in the background
    • Cooking a nice meal for myself and for family
    • Solving a problem that’s stumped me
    • Learning something new and interesting: be it a fact, skill, or a secret
    • Talking stories and listening to someone talk
    • Existing alone in silence
    • Visiting a bookstore and libraries
    • Going someplace where no one knows you
    • Collecting foreign currency
    • Being alive as a means for revenge

    In these rare moments I focus on doing something or nothing is when I’m most free.

    I’m not struggling to meet some arbitrary standard, not trying to impress someone who decides whether or not I’m worthy of something they have power over, not trying to do something that could benefit someone else through my work and efforts.

    A brief reprieve, a moment to simply exist.

    A moment to let the voices outside of me, and inside my head, to fall away, and I’m left in silence before the noise takes over again. Thank you for reading this one, I’ll see you when the archives opens again.

    The Courage to Live: How Living is The Best Revenge Against a Broken System:

  • Curiosity Leads to Answers and Questions!!!

    What are you curious about?

    Think of The Possibilities!!!

    I’m curious about a lot of things and, like everything in life, time is in limited supply and high demand! However, I’m most curious about whether I’m capable of learning and applying new skills and hobbies. I have a whole list of things I want to see if I could do it:

    • Parkour
    • Rock climbing
    • Boxing
    • MMA
    • Playing an instrument: piano, keyboard, or guitar
    • Painting with acrylics (its what I have)
    • Coding/cyber security
    • Homesteading
    • Bartending
    • Game design or storytelling
    • Living alone without technology for however many days I can last

    This is just the starter list. The last point is something that I want to try before I die. Majority of the things I could be curious about: quantum physics, engineering, robotics, architecture, history, and all those other advanced subjects I could thankfully learn from documentaries, museums, and other materials.

    Maybe we’ve gotten so used to the saying that, “if someone did something, then it’s already been done.”

    Of course someone did something, it’s something they’ve done, but could we turn the question onto ourselves for a second.

    What is something you’ve always wanted to do, never did it yet, that you could eventually end up doing today or soon?

    No more putting things off like months or years prior. Being a healthy nosy person lets you follow your curiosity and act on it.

    You see a store you never heard of? Might as well take a look inside and ask around; Hear music and glass breaking somewhere, but no danger or distress around? Either people are ignoring the sound or it could be a rage room, who knows?

    I did this at an anime convention this year, if anyone is familiar with the game because I’m not, with the cast of “Baldur’s Gate 3” were part of the guest roster.

    Neil Newbom, Devora Wilde, Jennifer English, and Theo Solomon were present, there were a lot of the cosplays as Baldur’s Gate 3 was the new Homestuck blocking the fire emergency exit because that’s how much of them had, and it was insane!

    I only knew of these people from watching YouTube D&D sessions from Wizards of the Coast channel. I’ve never played or watched anything Baldur’s Gate 3 related except those D&D sessions. I only knew, at the time, that I wanted to say hi to Devora Wilde because she seemed unapologetically chaotic and I vibed with that.

    When at the convention, saw they were having their signings, went up to Devora Wilde’s table and straight up admitted that, “I didn’t know who she or her friends were, I didn’t know the game they were from, and I only knew of them from D&D, but I wanted to say hi.”

    She was really nice, she was someone I had to look up to because she was taller than myself, and she took the pictures with my phone. It was a pretty fun moment and I managed to get a hug from her.

    Sadly, I forget that I can’t always lift people up, especially strangers, because that’s how I show excitement: trying to crush the life out of you and lift you off of the ground, which I did do as a habit when someone lets me hug them. I’m also a grappler, but I digress.

    Either way, that was my experience; I don’t know if I should regret it, cringe over it, or cry over what I did, but I have to accept that I did that. I got to meet someone that other people were so excited to meet and had my time with someone who I could live vicariously through her work, but wouldn’t want to trade my life for hers.

    I don’t know if I met the actual person or her character, but I’m glad I did it anyways.

    Bit by bit, I’m building up my own reservoir of story material and life experiences. The only way to achieve this, despite our fear telling us otherwise, is to follow our curiosity one check marked off our, what I call, a “bullshit bucket list”, at a time.

  • Movement Offers Me With A Reprieve and Contentment

    Describe one habit that brings you joy.

    What I Use to Be Consistent

    Physical movement has given me a sense of contentment; maybe not outright joy or elation, but rather a sense of being present and small doses of dopamine. When I’m strolling around, working out, even doing chores, I’m focused on the task at hand than ruminating about my mistakes or anxiously fearing the future. I’m temporarily present in the moment and I feel a brief relief from life.

    More often, I’ll take short walks around the block to collect coins and cards on this app called, WeWard, my family got me into using it. Like any fitness tracking app, it’ll count your steps, (total) distance, and how much calories you burned for the day.

    The difference, and this is my assumption, is that WeWard lets you compete with family and friends that you’re following, are being followed back, you are rewarded coins for hitting milestones that can be converted into real money, you can gain experience points while competing with people in the same league as you, and it practically incentivizes you to keep walking consistently.

    You could walk the dog, take a stroll, do chores, walk to the store, very likely even using a skateboard, a hoverboard, roller skates, gliding, using a wheelchair, an electric scooter, or floating in midair, whatever you have available! Seriously, if you work on an airport and you drive the tugs, it counts! I’ve tried it at work when driving because I’m allowed to have my phone in case my radio is out of range and I can’t reach my job.

    As long as you are moving, and the app is able to calculate your distance traveled, you are able to benefit from this app. It also, like many things that gamify our real life progress, it has a consistency streak that keeps track how engage you are per day. I’m going on to being consistent with submitting my steps for 85 days now, I don’t want to break this streak, and I’m going to keep collecting experience points, coins, and cards to progress in my app and until I have enough coins to convert into gift cards.

    Quick Mention

    I’m not an affiliate of this app, I don’t benefit financially from sharing this app, unless it’s for referral then I’ll get 50 coins per referral to the app. I’ve found it very useful since I was against it initially – thought it was going to be something my family would try then stop using, but its going to be close to 3 months, so its being used for its intended purpose.

    I would benefit most if people gave this app a try, found it useful, and if they could share how they fare from using it in the comments below. Thank you for reading this one!

  • It Was A Typical, Atypical Day

    Was today typical?

    Some aspects of a typical day followed the same patterns that I barely noticed, though noticed enough, the disruption in said patterns. The day only becomes “atypical” if I believe something has changed, something shifted, and I experience a mixture of emotions all at once:

    • I felt dread and trepidation because my vacation ended, I have to return to my full-time job that drains me. Yet, I feel relieved that I can step away from the keyboard for a little bit.
    • I felt hatred and resentment towards myself because not much has changed since taking my vacation; I’m still working for a corporation that pays me well enough being a college drop out, offers great benefits, but kills me on the inside every second I’m present. However, I get to dictate what I want and can do in the day.
    • I’ve gotten curious to try something’s from Pinterest because I want to be proven right and wrong at the same time. At least, until I can work at my part time rage room job, then I’ll be hating everything and everyone at work. Unfortunately, that’s typical for me until I wake up without the help of caffeine or energy drinks.
    • I’d want to finish up the work week already, jump straight back to being my days off, so I get to decide how to spend my time without someone looming over my shoulder or dictating me: be it learning, experimenting, or pursuing new outlets and passions.
    • I feel dreadful that I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t have much energy to bother, but I have to get up, follow my routine, or I’ll fall behind again.

    The main difference from my typical day shifting to an atypical one is mostly from the small progress and projects I hadn’t done before, but gave it a try anyways.

    • Been working on my story telling and writing skills.
    • Fixed and potentially saved an Xbox 360 from a rage impending doom: Fixing A(n) (E68) System Error Xbox 360 As a Complete Noob:
    • Read and finished 1 more book than the prior years.
    • Learned and advocated my needs and boundaries, even if that meant walking away from people I used to call “friends”, but they never really called me that in return.
    • Taking charge and accumulating wins from the moment I wake up to when it’s time to sleep again.

    The list goes on and on, it provides a small silver lining within my usual pessimistic and neurotic perspective, yet I am grateful that things are slowly changing. Small acts of courage, even when I feel afraid, has given me another “second chance” I never gave myself years prior. Things can change, are changing, and are becoming something different that I can’t wait to see what and where it could lead to.

    I’m terrified, although I feel more courageous to move forward regardless of that fear, and that is the most atypical of a day it could get for me. Wouldn’t that be one of the best feelings in the world to experience?

    Slight Change in The “Typical/Atypical” Part:

    Update: So, this became an atypical day because a few things happened today:

    • 1) According to my coworker, we had a tsunami watch last week, even though I told her that I didn’t get a notification. She said a lot of people didn’t get it, but lots saw it on Facebook, which I don’t have.
    • 2) The tsunami watch was supposed to have ended the same week it was announced, but it didn’t.
    • 3) Now, the watch became a tsunami threat, so a lot of people were panicking, driving crazy, all because, and I understand, they’re trying to get home to evacuate the coastal areas and move to higher ground or further inland.

    Thankfully, I made it home to my apartment, my family are packing everything to move to higher ground or further inland, but this has been the first ever tsunami threat in probably decades. We’ve been able to avoid a lot of tsunamis and hurricanes for a long time now. I guess Mother Nature decided we needed a wake up call, get us to set our priorities straight, and see if we are ready for her violent and vicious visit approaching in a few hours after this update.

    I’ll just have to wait and see. Hopefully, everyone makes it to where they have to go safely because I’ve seen first hand how crazy people can get from small inconveniences. I know I would get upset and mad if someone cuts me off in traffic without using their blinker. That’s over an inconvenience.

    But when we feel our life, and our loved one’s lives, are being really threatened? That’s a completely different story. But the only thing we can do, especially what I can do, is wait and see. Thanks for letting me rant a bit, but things should be okay for now.