School and Family Can’t Prepare You For This Stage of Adulthood
Living on your own is a very interesting experience.
Maybe you’ve lived with family for years, you were probably using the dorms through college life, but, outside of polished and safe environments, exist, “THE VOID.”
The Void, as I’ve elegantly termed this experience, is where I’ve gotten knocked in the teeth real fast because no one has ever prepared me for what I was experiencing.
Sure, my parents made me:
- Wash dishes
- Cook
- Clean my room
- Wash clothes
- Taught me how to pay my bills
But, being the first and only person who has to do every domestic home chore, on top of working, hobbies, and caring for myself, was not what overwhelmed me.
I was overwhelmed by the experience of learning more about myself in this year long process.
What Inspired Me to Move Out?
Last year, I had the impulse to want to move out of my grandma’s house and live on my own.
This wasn’t planned.
It wasn’t something I had saved for, let alone earned enough for without stressing about rent.
It was a spur of the moment where I thought to myself, “What would it be like to live on my own?”
And the process went on from there.
I was very thankful that I was able to afford my first studio.
Trust me; its not easy living on your own in a HCOL state like Hawaii, where I didn’t need my parents to co-sign for me, on my $40k/annual salary, without roommates(I HATE sharing spaces), and as a single person.
My emergency fund was just under $2k, my rent was $1.2k-$1.3k/month, including monthly utilities, and I brought home maybe $2.2k-$2.4k/month. On good months mind you.
I was in charge of cleaning my open floor room, cooking my own food, taking care of my health, and working.
No pressure, right?
Domestic tasks were never my issue.
The silence was.
It Was The Quiet and Lack of Safety That Unsettled Me
I grew up with my family living in a ghetto area where:
- People were blasting music constantly,
- revving their motorcycles or cars in the dead of night,
- our dogs barking because people were walking near the fence,
- Emergency services showed up often across the street
- People used to steal our mangoes from our mango tree often
- and my dad had sleep apnea, so his snoring kept me awake some nights because I thought he was dying in his sleep.
When I moved out, I lost a lot of security measures:
- No fence separating me from people outside
- My bed is more than several feet away from the door
- I would get anxious that someone would bust down my door every night
- And no parents around in case something happened
I used to lie awake in bed, trying to fill my apartment with soft music or ambience, but nothing stuck.
I felt extremely vulnerable and needing to eventually get more safety measures for just in case.
While I do have a camera facing the door from the side, my wooden dowel and my own self can only fend off attackers so long before I might end up either hospitalized or dead.
Once you start living by yourself, then you can judge whether I’m paranoid or being realistic about my circumstances.
Then Comes The Neighbors
By the time you cross the threshold that officially means you are considered, “your own person,” is when you get your own apartment.
It doesn’t have to be huge.
It doesn’t need fancy gyms, a pool or a bar.
Honestly, as long as you have your own:
- Parking stall
- Electricity
- Water
- In-house laundromat
Then you are good and set for your lease term.
Right?
Sadly, while having your own place is amazing, people will make you wish you had a lot of money to move out REALLY FAST.
At home, I used to have quiet neighbors, then the loud music blasting ones that didn’t bother us too much, and no one had much issues there.
Everyone was familiar with each other.
My apartment complex told a different story because everyone keeps to themselves.
Fair enough.
I do too.
What I hated over the course of living here was people using my parking stall when I’m away at work and I’m coming home, barely able to keep my eyes open from sitting in traffic for hours at a time, to see I can’t even come home, park, shower, eat, and fuck off to sleep without constantly seeing inconsiderate people.
When Things Are Okay, Then Life Reminds You That Logistics Wear You Down FAST
It’s like coming home and you see cars parked in your driveway because your neighbors tell their friends and family, “they’re not home, just park there,” EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Not only am I dealing with the logistics of:
- Rent
- Groceries
- Bills
- Debts
- Traffic
- And work
I have had the displeasure to have to deal with people NOT my family who are: inconsiderate and take my damn assigned parking stall when I’m at work, who pound on the walls every day at ungodly hours of the day, and not to mention that every time I went to my apartment complex’s management team, they’ve only:
- Sent out emails to residents to not have guests park in residents parking
- Residents are left to handle their own issues— I had to submit a report regarding my parking had been taken for over several hours, after I had come home from work already stressed out—and my stall was only freed up because I had contacted the cops for a non-emergency to ask where the law could and couldn’t help me. The person only moved when the cops helping me were looking into the vehicle.
- There are no signs saying non-residents will be towed for being pricks and be like, “this stall is open, so it’s free real estate. Residents can fuck off because move your feet, lose your seat,” somehow applies to this fucking situation.
- And my only solution had been to keep submitting reports, take pictures, and HOPE the towing company comes down on time to tow the offending car elsewhere.
I did exactly that: took pictures, filed a report, and I waited HOURS for a tow truck who never came.
It’s ridiculous!
Having police present finally sent the message that this is serious, but it didn’t have to escalate to cops.
I just wanted to know what I could and couldn’t do legally because everything I’ve done through the proper channels hasn’t helped and I kept hitting wall after wall of services of: we can’t do this, or I’ll have to pay a fee because gas prices are just squeezing everyone at this point.
Living Alone Puts Compounded Stress and Responsibility Back Onto YOU
Work is physically draining and emotionally numbing; bills and debts are financially crushing; and people will make your life harder.
Not like the kind of, “family makes your life harder because they care about you,” hard.
It’s, “I fucking hate my situation and wished I had a lot of money or could do remote work, just to keep what little bit of peace and autonomy I have left protected,” kind of hard.
And don’t even get me started on living next to schools either!
I’ve gotten used to timing when to get home after work because all of the parents had finally picked their kids up and I made time to go to the gym. But the other thing about schools are other developmental issues that keep making living on my own, AND IN THIS COMPLEX, more stressful.
Unnecessary New Businesses Keep Adding to Existing Traffic and Headaches
A Sonic opened up literally next door to my studio a few days ago.
A stone’s throw away, and the line to get into the drive-thru takes up one full lane and it blocks residents from doing regular driving.
Thanks to the people who are blocking the road, the upside? I only have to cross 3 lanes of traffic instead of 4.
The downside? People park their cars in my unit’s residential stalls to walk over to Sonic and never come back for hours.
Every time I come home I can feel my stress levels escalating because:
- Sonic isn’t that good. I have better options elsewhere in the area
- People are curious and have devil-may-care attitudes, not respecting that people live in the complex next door, is infuriating
- I keep having to park somewhere else and stress myself into having a heart attack at how ridiculous having my peace constantly shattered.
Eventually, the Sonic craze will die down, like it did for Raising Cane’s, but when? How long do I have to keep tolerating this stupidity? Why must my peace be broken for someone else’s?
I have yet to figure out the answers to these questions, but I now know several things about myself.
Before You Move Out, Do These Things First
My situation will look very different from yours if you are planning to move out and find your own place.
Thats a given.
But, I wish I did this before I moved out, there are a few things you should consider first:
What Areas Are You Looking Into?
Where I live now is very close to my other grandma’s house, 30 minutes away from the grandma’s house I moved out of, and roughly 30-50+ minutes away from my job varying by traffic.
At the time I moved in, I had to deal with the normal school and work traffic, and not much else.
The area is quiet, except for dogs rarely barking, there are several fast food restaurants, grocery stores, and gas stations very close to me. I’m also paying for the outside amenities that were present in the area.
Had I known I was gonna be living between 2 schools, I think I would have not moved in, because I have no kids of my own, but impulsivity won regardless.
I wished that I researched what was in the vicinity of my studio. It probably would have helped me make informed decisions instead of moving in because I could.
Next time ask what matters more to where you are thinking of moving into: Is it near schools, near public transportation, close to work? Anything else that would make it be worth living at this specific place versus others?
Can You Reasonably Afford Living Here?
I’m using my credit cards to pay for my rent, I’m still saving and investing every Friday, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.
While I am very thankful that I didn’t need roommates to live with me and split the rent, but that might be a reality you might face.
So, rules of thumb to consider:
- Make sure you know what kind of person/people you’ll be rooming with. If you can’t stand slobs, thieves, or people bringing their partners over constantly, then you’ll need to either compromise or look elsewhere.
- How will you split the responsibilities between roommates?
- What will happen if someone doesn’t contribute or pull their weight? Who gets the final say?
Everyday I worry that I won’t be able to keep living in my studio, headaches included, and I’ve cut out a lot of things: BJJ classes, hobbies not video games, hanging out with people, etc.
While saving and investing is still a molasses slow process, if I could do things over again, then I would have made sure that I had more money saved in case work slowed down again and moving out becomes inevitable.
Can You See Yourself Living Here Long Term?
While I’m currently moving into my 2nd year of living on my own, I’m not sure if I can see myself living in this particular complex another year.
Thats my opinion.
My current studio is a temporary home base; My things are here, I get to do things on my own without fighting someone to get out of the bathroom when I have to go, small pieces of mind.
If management enforcement is weak and I’m tired of having to deal with issues myself over my parking and peace of mind, then I better make sure that I pay off my debts, save more money, and look into other places that might fit me better.
The Reality Of Independence Comes With Constant Costs
Am I saying that I’m not gonna have issues moving elsewhere?
Of course not.
However, I’d rather live away from schools and I don’t have to keep getting pissed about my parking stall, one of the things that I’ve explicitly pay for and is assigned to me, constantly being taken by parents picking up their kids or other residents inviting their family over to hang out and sleep over while I’m at work, at the gym, or just doing errands.
That is something I’ve identified since living on my own.
Every day life becomes maintenance and trying to not lose your shit.
I still lose my shit, I still hope that I finally figure out how to earn money online, or get a higher paying job to get out of the school zone.
Either way, if you think being independent and living on your own gets you out of your family’s business, I can assure you that I’d rather deal with my family than strangers any day.
If You Made It To The End
If anything I’ve written here resonated with you or you know someone who thinks moving out will solve all of their problems, feel free to like or share this with someone who needs more consideration than vibes and wishful thinking.
You can even click on this Tiny Wave Button below to let me know you can understand or relate to the struggles of adulthood. It’ll take you to my Ko-fi, and even a visit tells me a person came by.
I have written other articles regarding:
- personal fitness with non-aesthetic goals and limited gym access: Fitness Built For Real Life, By Real Life
- saving and investing on a low salary: Financial Plans and Big Dreams
- How video games helped me with real life: Video Game Logic, Story Narratives, With Skills Built in Real Time
- And online safety and AI tools can help us, not hinder us: Online Safety, AI, and Cautions Taken
I welcome you all to explore what the archives has to offer.
Otherwise, if you want to see if The Stratagems Archive aligns with you, then please start from the very beginning: The Stratagem’s Archive: Start Here
Otherwise, I will see you all later in the archives!
