Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here
A 30% raise sounds great—until you realize you’re giving up your body, sleep, and peace just to keep the job that’s breaking you.
Has anyone really calculated how much their work is worth to them when their lives: body, soul, mind, recreational activities, relationships, and personal projects are taken out of the equation?
— The Archivist
How Much of You are Giving Up in Exchange?
We had another work meeting today.
Like in most of those meetings, I wasn’t fully paying attention. Not out of disrespect, but just pure exhaustion and never eating breakfast because I have to choose between sleep or food. Yeah, this isn’t a sustainable habit, but it’s been one I’ve known for most of my working life.
Anyways, I’m barely half-listening to what’s being discussed while trying not to mentally spiral over how tired I am or what tasks are going to break my back next. That is… until one of my coworkers asked me about the 30% raise said to be scheduled to happen this October.
This immediately got my attention. I thought to myself; “30%? Since when are we jumping from single digit raises and into the double digits?”
Naturally, the question everyone started asking was: “Is this for just the higher-ups or for us too?” Because for the last 4 years, most of us on the warehouse floor usually got between 3-6% raises each October, if we’re lucky it went through. And those felt generous at the time—until now, when we’re suddenly dangling a much bigger number.
I did the math. If it does apply to me, I’d go from earning $23/hour to about $29.90/hour. Those earning $20.53/hour would jump to around $28.12/hour.
Sounds good, right?
More money means more security and more opportunity to pay off debt faster, build my emergency savings, contribute to my Roth IRA, support causes I care about, buy things I want just because, or buy something for my family.
Except… I didn’t feel excited. I felt numb. I got suspicious. What was the catch? That was the question my mind was leaning into, even though my coworkers all sounded excited and buzzing around me. I felt like the odd one out, but you can’t blame me for not sharing their excitement.
You want to know why I wasn’t including myself in the excitement? Because the truth is, I’m not sure I can keep doing this — raise or not.
Update:
It was too good to be true; seemed that enough of my coworkers heard 30%, but it was the usual 3% raise instead. A lot of people were VERY disappointed, but the numbers are no longer absurdly high, and all is right again.
What Am I Giving Up By “Earning More”
I’ve been at this warehouse job for 4 years now and I’m turning 29 this year. And while I’ve gotten stronger and smarter in some ways, I’ve also gotten tired. Not just sleepy-tired where a good 8+ hours of rest could remedy. No, not that kind.
I’m Soul-crushing-tired.
- I’m sleeping in my car before shifts just to get parking at work.
- I’ve seen the physical trainer at work more times than I want to admit because my body is starting to show the cracks.
- I can’t sleep peacefully anymore. I wake up already drained.
- My back hurts to the point pain shoots down my left leg like electricity is coursing through my veins.
- My energy is non-existent. My mind doesn’t stop spinning, even when I try to rest.
And the things that make life feel worth living? They’ve started falling away.
My hobbies. My curiosity. My ability to try new things. Maintaining my relationships with my family, that kind of thing. While typing this post, I’ve caught myself resting in front of my iPad keyboard now and again, trying to force myself awake and staring at the clock screaming at me that I’ll be getting less sleep. Again.
Even basic rest is being sabotaged despite my efforts. Everything I called my own is now pushed to the side so I can keep showing up, day after day, for a job that’s breaking me in slow motion.
More Money = Less Me
Here’s the thing: I know that money is important, I get that part intimately. I have debt. I have future plans. I’m not allergic to the idea of stability. But lately, I’ve started to wonder:
What’s the point of more money if it comes at the cost of myself?
I’ve already lost time. Lost parts of my health. Lost entire evenings and weekends to fatigue and dread. How much more am I supposed to give?
How much is my body worth?
How much is my mental clarity worth?
How much of my potential am I supposed to sacrifice for the illusion of being “secure”?
A Choice That Doesn’t Feel Like One
At one point, our job’s big boss once said during a personal meeting with her some weeks ago:
“If we(frontline workers) choose to stay with the company, great. But if we choose to leave, that’s up to us too.”
That’s easy to say when you’re on the other side of the floor.
Sure, it’s “my choice.” But when you’re trying to pay rent, get out of debt, save for emergencies, and survive in a world that gets more expensive by the day — is it really a choice?
It feels more like a corner I’ve been painted into. One where the door says freedom, but it’s locked by bills, fear, and exhaustion.
The Part-Time Job I Don’t Want to Lose
I also have a part-time job at a rage room and I actually enjoy it: this job makes me feel like a person, not a machine. I’ve been given a $1/hour raise within not even a few months since starting by my own merit, not out of obligation like a lateral raise. One where one of the owners told me, with certainty, that he doesn’t see me quitting or being fired any time soon.
But with the increasing demands of my full-time job — the possibilities of earlier start times, later end times, and higher volume in my work future — I might have to quit that part-time job just to keep up. And I hate that.
Because in trying to “do the responsible thing,” I’m giving up something that gives me energy and meaning. Again, the tradeoff doesn’t feel fair and I hate it with a passion.
I Don’t Want to Climb the Corporate Ladder
Some people might suggest I try to move up the ladder in my company and aim for a better paying position.
But I’ve looked up that ladder — and I don’t want to.
More responsibility. More hours. More expectations. More sacrifice. Same machine. Different uniform.
I’m not trying to climb higher into something that’s already draining me.
So, Now What?
Honestly, I don’t know.
I’m stuck in the same mental loop a lot of working people are in:
“I need this job… but I’m not sure I can survive it.”
A 30% raise sounds great. But it’s still a prison if I can’t live fully. If I can’t be well. If I’m giving up everything that makes me have to pick work over my life just to earn more, then I can’t be the only one feeling like this is crazy, right?
So maybe that’s the real question:
What are we working for if we’re too broken to enjoy any of it?
One and All Who Made it Through
If you made it this far — thank you.
Whether this is your first time here or you’ve quietly read my posts before, just know this: I see you. You don’t have to comment. You don’t have to share. You don’t have to explain anything about where you’re at in life right now, unless you want to.
If you’ve ever sat alone in a parking lot before your shift, traded your energy for a paycheck, or wondered if surviving is all there is — you’re not weird, broken, or too much.
You’re human. And you’re not alone here.
Thanks for reading.
If someday you feel like speaking, you’re always welcome to. I read and respond to every comment whenever I can, and sharing helps other people find this space too. But if today all you have is quiet recognition — that’s more than enough.
Have You Fully Met Yourself in the Silence?
The Moment I Stopped Waiting for Permission
More Than Muscle: What Real Strength Looks Like to Me.
Feel free to also check out my newsletter (Letters from the Void Newsletter) or my downloadable PDF (Thank You + Free Download) here as a thank you from me to you.
Until next time, I’ll see you all later in the archives.
