The Stratagem’s Archive

Tag: documentation

  • Living Alone Didn’t Feel Like Freedom the Way I Thought It Would

    School and Family Can’t Prepare You For This Stage of Adulthood

    Living on your own is a very interesting experience.

    Maybe you’ve lived with family for years, you were probably using the dorms through college life, but, outside of polished and safe environments, exist, “THE VOID.”

    The Void, as I’ve elegantly termed this experience, is where I’ve gotten knocked in the teeth real fast because no one has ever prepared me for what I was experiencing.

    Sure, my parents made me:

    • Wash dishes
    • Cook
    • Clean my room
    • Wash clothes
    • Taught me how to pay my bills

    But, being the first and only person who has to do every domestic home chore, on top of working, hobbies, and caring for myself, was not what overwhelmed me.

    I was overwhelmed by the experience of learning more about myself in this year long process.

    What Inspired Me to Move Out?

    Last year, I had the impulse to want to move out of my grandma’s house and live on my own.

    This wasn’t planned.

    It wasn’t something I had saved for, let alone earned enough for without stressing about rent.

    It was a spur of the moment where I thought to myself, “What would it be like to live on my own?”

    And the process went on from there.

    I was very thankful that I was able to afford my first studio.

    Trust me; its not easy living on your own in a HCOL state like Hawaii, where I didn’t need my parents to co-sign for me, on my $40k/annual salary, without roommates(I HATE sharing spaces), and as a single person.

    My emergency fund was just under $2k, my rent was $1.2k-$1.3k/month, including monthly utilities, and I brought home maybe $2.2k-$2.4k/month. On good months mind you.

    I was in charge of cleaning my open floor room, cooking my own food, taking care of my health, and working.

    No pressure, right?

    Domestic tasks were never my issue.

    The silence was.

    It Was The Quiet and Lack of Safety That Unsettled Me

    I grew up with my family living in a ghetto area where:

    • People were blasting music constantly,
    • revving their motorcycles or cars in the dead of night,
    • our dogs barking because people were walking near the fence,
    • Emergency services showed up often across the street
    • People used to steal our mangoes from our mango tree often
    • and my dad had sleep apnea, so his snoring kept me awake some nights because I thought he was dying in his sleep.

    When I moved out, I lost a lot of security measures:

    • No fence separating me from people outside
    • My bed is more than several feet away from the door
    • I would get anxious that someone would bust down my door every night
    • And no parents around in case something happened

    I used to lie awake in bed, trying to fill my apartment with soft music or ambience, but nothing stuck.

    I felt extremely vulnerable and needing to eventually get more safety measures for just in case.

    While I do have a camera facing the door from the side, my wooden dowel and my own self can only fend off attackers so long before I might end up either hospitalized or dead.

    Once you start living by yourself, then you can judge whether I’m paranoid or being realistic about my circumstances.

    Then Comes The Neighbors

    By the time you cross the threshold that officially means you are considered, “your own person,” is when you get your own apartment.

    It doesn’t have to be huge.

    It doesn’t need fancy gyms, a pool or a bar.

    Honestly, as long as you have your own:

    • Parking stall
    • Electricity
    • Water
    • In-house laundromat

    Then you are good and set for your lease term.

    Right?

    Sadly, while having your own place is amazing, people will make you wish you had a lot of money to move out REALLY FAST.

    At home, I used to have quiet neighbors, then the loud music blasting ones that didn’t bother us too much, and no one had much issues there.

    Everyone was familiar with each other.

    My apartment complex told a different story because everyone keeps to themselves.

    Fair enough.

    I do too.

    What I hated over the course of living here was people using my parking stall when I’m away at work and I’m coming home, barely able to keep my eyes open from sitting in traffic for hours at a time, to see I can’t even come home, park, shower, eat, and fuck off to sleep without constantly seeing inconsiderate people.

    When Things Are Okay, Then Life Reminds You That Logistics Wear You Down FAST

    It’s like coming home and you see cars parked in your driveway because your neighbors tell their friends and family, “they’re not home, just park there,” EVERY SINGLE DAY!

    Not only am I dealing with the logistics of:

    • Rent
    • Groceries
    • Bills
    • Debts
    • Traffic
    • And work

    I have had the displeasure to have to deal with people NOT my family who are: inconsiderate and take my damn assigned parking stall when I’m at work, who pound on the walls every day at ungodly hours of the day, and not to mention that every time I went to my apartment complex’s management team, they’ve only:

    • Sent out emails to residents to not have guests park in residents parking
    • Residents are left to handle their own issues— I had to submit a report regarding my parking had been taken for over several hours, after I had come home from work already stressed out—and my stall was only freed up because I had contacted the cops for a non-emergency to ask where the law could and couldn’t help me. The person only moved when the cops helping me were looking into the vehicle.
    • There are no signs saying non-residents will be towed for being pricks and be like, “this stall is open, so it’s free real estate. Residents can fuck off because move your feet, lose your seat,” somehow applies to this fucking situation.
    • And my only solution had been to keep submitting reports, take pictures, and HOPE the towing company comes down on time to tow the offending car elsewhere.

    I did exactly that: took pictures, filed a report, and I waited HOURS for a tow truck who never came.

    It’s ridiculous!

    Having police present finally sent the message that this is serious, but it didn’t have to escalate to cops.

    I just wanted to know what I could and couldn’t do legally because everything I’ve done through the proper channels hasn’t helped and I kept hitting wall after wall of services of: we can’t do this, or I’ll have to pay a fee because gas prices are just squeezing everyone at this point.

    Living Alone Puts Compounded Stress and Responsibility Back Onto YOU

    Work is physically draining and emotionally numbing; bills and debts are financially crushing; and people will make your life harder.

    Not like the kind of, “family makes your life harder because they care about you,” hard.

    It’s, “I fucking hate my situation and wished I had a lot of money or could do remote work, just to keep what little bit of peace and autonomy I have left protected,” kind of hard.

    And don’t even get me started on living next to schools either!

    I’ve gotten used to timing when to get home after work because all of the parents had finally picked their kids up and I made time to go to the gym. But the other thing about schools are other developmental issues that keep making living on my own, AND IN THIS COMPLEX, more stressful.

    Unnecessary New Businesses Keep Adding to Existing Traffic and Headaches

    A Sonic opened up literally next door to my studio a few days ago.

    A stone’s throw away, and the line to get into the drive-thru takes up one full lane and it blocks residents from doing regular driving.

    Thanks to the people who are blocking the road, the upside? I only have to cross 3 lanes of traffic instead of 4.

    The downside? People park their cars in my unit’s residential stalls to walk over to Sonic and never come back for hours.

    Every time I come home I can feel my stress levels escalating because:

    1. Sonic isn’t that good. I have better options elsewhere in the area
    2. People are curious and have devil-may-care attitudes, not respecting that people live in the complex next door, is infuriating
    3. I keep having to park somewhere else and stress myself into having a heart attack at how ridiculous having my peace constantly shattered.

    Eventually, the Sonic craze will die down, like it did for Raising Cane’s, but when? How long do I have to keep tolerating this stupidity? Why must my peace be broken for someone else’s?

    I have yet to figure out the answers to these questions, but I now know several things about myself.

    Before You Move Out, Do These Things First

    My situation will look very different from yours if you are planning to move out and find your own place.

    Thats a given.

    But, I wish I did this before I moved out, there are a few things you should consider first:

    What Areas Are You Looking Into?

    Where I live now is very close to my other grandma’s house, 30 minutes away from the grandma’s house I moved out of, and roughly 30-50+ minutes away from my job varying by traffic.

    At the time I moved in, I had to deal with the normal school and work traffic, and not much else.

    The area is quiet, except for dogs rarely barking, there are several fast food restaurants, grocery stores, and gas stations very close to me. I’m also paying for the outside amenities that were present in the area.

    Had I known I was gonna be living between 2 schools, I think I would have not moved in, because I have no kids of my own, but impulsivity won regardless.

    I wished that I researched what was in the vicinity of my studio. It probably would have helped me make informed decisions instead of moving in because I could.

    Next time ask what matters more to where you are thinking of moving into: Is it near schools, near public transportation, close to work? Anything else that would make it be worth living at this specific place versus others?

    Can You Reasonably Afford Living Here?

    I’m using my credit cards to pay for my rent, I’m still saving and investing every Friday, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

    While I am very thankful that I didn’t need roommates to live with me and split the rent, but that might be a reality you might face.

    So, rules of thumb to consider:

    • Make sure you know what kind of person/people you’ll be rooming with. If you can’t stand slobs, thieves, or people bringing their partners over constantly, then you’ll need to either compromise or look elsewhere.
    • How will you split the responsibilities between roommates?
    • What will happen if someone doesn’t contribute or pull their weight? Who gets the final say?

    Everyday I worry that I won’t be able to keep living in my studio, headaches included, and I’ve cut out a lot of things: BJJ classes, hobbies not video games, hanging out with people, etc.

    While saving and investing is still a molasses slow process, if I could do things over again, then I would have made sure that I had more money saved in case work slowed down again and moving out becomes inevitable.

    Can You See Yourself Living Here Long Term?

    While I’m currently moving into my 2nd year of living on my own, I’m not sure if I can see myself living in this particular complex another year.

    Thats my opinion.

    My current studio is a temporary home base; My things are here, I get to do things on my own without fighting someone to get out of the bathroom when I have to go, small pieces of mind.

    If management enforcement is weak and I’m tired of having to deal with issues myself over my parking and peace of mind, then I better make sure that I pay off my debts, save more money, and look into other places that might fit me better.

    The Reality Of Independence Comes With Constant Costs

    Am I saying that I’m not gonna have issues moving elsewhere?

    Of course not.

    However, I’d rather live away from schools and I don’t have to keep getting pissed about my parking stall, one of the things that I’ve explicitly pay for and is assigned to me, constantly being taken by parents picking up their kids or other residents inviting their family over to hang out and sleep over while I’m at work, at the gym, or just doing errands.

    That is something I’ve identified since living on my own.

    Every day life becomes maintenance and trying to not lose your shit.

    I still lose my shit, I still hope that I finally figure out how to earn money online, or get a higher paying job to get out of the school zone.

    Either way, if you think being independent and living on your own gets you out of your family’s business, I can assure you that I’d rather deal with my family than strangers any day.

    If You Made It To The End

    If anything I’ve written here resonated with you or you know someone who thinks moving out will solve all of their problems, feel free to like or share this with someone who needs more consideration than vibes and wishful thinking.

    You can even click on this Tiny Wave Button below to let me know you can understand or relate to the struggles of adulthood. It’ll take you to my Ko-fi, and even a visit tells me a person came by.

    Tiny Wave 👋

    I have written other articles regarding:

    I welcome you all to explore what the archives has to offer.

    Otherwise, if you want to see if The Stratagems Archive aligns with you, then please start from the very beginning: The Stratagem’s Archive: Start Here

    Otherwise, I will see you all later in the archives!

    Explore More of The Stratagems Archives

  • 2013 Dodge Dart Front Turn Signal Not Working? Here’s How I Fixed Mine

    Quick Summary: Dodge Dart Turn Signal Fix

    If your 2013 Dodge Dart front turn signal is blinking rapidly, it usually means 1 of 3 things:

    • A bulb is burnt out
    • The bulb is loose
    • There is corrosion on the socket

    Quick Fix Steps

    • Open the hood
    • Locate the turn signal housing
    • Twist the bulb counterclockwise
    • Check for corrosion
    • Confirm you have the correct double-filament bulb
    • Clean the socket if needed
    • Reinstall and test

    If that doesn’t work, you may need a replacement bulb or require professional help to fix this issue.

    When You’ve Been Putting Off Repairs, You Start DIYing Things Yourself

    So, I have a 2013 Dodge Dart, a car that’s been discontinued for years, and I had been putting off fixing my car’s front left turn signal blinker light.

    Whenever I would signal that I was turning, I would hear an annoying rapid clicking sound.

    My rear blinker light still worked. However, my front left blinker was the problem; people wouldn’t know if I was turning if we were facing each other until I was turning.

    It’s not safe playing chicken with oncoming traffic like that.

    I didn’t have enough money to pay for professional help or the time to go to a mechanic shop, and I figured that I could treat this problem like an oil change—change it myself.

    It’s a small light, but driving without it made me feel unsafe and frustrated every time I hit the blinker.

    I knew I could pay a mechanic when I had the money, but I wanted to try fixing it myself—and maybe save some cash and time in the process.

    Disclaimer: I Am Not A Mechanic

    I am not a mechanic and I’m not formally trained to diagnose automobile issues.

    I didn’t go to a shop because I didn’t have the time or money, so I troubleshot the problem myself and figured it out along the way.

    Here’s what I learned by fixing my own blinker light.

    Tools To Have On Hand to Change Your Blinker Light

    Before I tackled my blinker light on my own, I made sure that I had a few things on hand:

    • My phone (for YouTube guidance)
    • Spare gloves (keeps my hands clean)
    • A multi-tool (for leverage or prying)
    • A flashlight (for hard to reach spots)
    • And spare blinker bulbs (ESSENTIAL!!!)

    The gloves helped to keep my hands clean from directly touching whatever I would find under my hood.

    My multi-tool would be handy just in case I needed leverage.

    A flashlight to see better where broad daylight might not shine in the right spots.

    And you can’t change your blinkers without spare bulbs.

    My Step-By-Step Process to Avoid Spending 2 Hours on a 5 Minute Problem

    We have our tools.

    We know what problem needs fixing.

    Now we can get started.

    First thing you need to do is pop open the hood. The blinkers are accessible underneath the hood of the car, not from the blinkers themselves in the front.

    Next step is to open YouTube to troubleshoot the problem. I watched a YouTube video from Electrical Car Repair LIVE, called, “DODGE DART FRONT TURN SIGNAL LIGHT BULB REPLACEMENT AND SIZE.”

    I followed the video, found where the blinkers are housed, then I pulled the blinkers bulb out by twisting counterclockwise and out of its housing.

    My bulb wasn’t burnt out, but I found white residue along the base of the bulb and on the socket. That’s corrosion and oxidation of the metal. It’s supposed to be normal, but take my word with a large sack of salt.

    With my glove and multi-tool, I had spent more than 10 minutes trying to pry my blinker bulb out without cracking the bulb or damaging the socket.

    I had used a dull knife from my multi-tool to gently scrap the corrosion off of the bulb and the socket, pulling and jiggling it, to loosen.

    When the bulb came free, I kept it just in case. I had 2 replacement bulbs in my car, so it should have been an easy fix, right?

    Not for me.

    I had spent 2 hours fighting with my replacement bulbs because they wouldn’t set into the socket. It would go in half-way, then it would fall out.

    Let me show you what happened to one of my replacement bulbs.

    My 2013 Dodge Dart’s front headlight with the ill-fitted replacement bulb sitting in the crevices and not in the socket. it fell out because I wasn’t paying attention.

    The reason why I had spent 2 hours fighting with my replacement bulbs was, not because of the corrosion or that my bulb socket was damaged, because my replacement bulbs were single prong filaments.

    My Dodge used double prong filament bulbs.

    I even called my dad—not for answers, just to talk—and he asked, “Did you check the bulb?” I hadn’t. That simple question saved me hours if I had thought of it earlier.

    Since I didn’t have the correct replacements, and my original bulb wasn’t burnt out and it was covered in corrosion, I used my gloves and the dull knife to scrape off the white substance to ensure conductivity was possible again.

    Thankfully, it worked out.

    Once the corrosive matter was cleaned from the bulb and the socket, I fit my existing bulb back into its socket, turned my car on, and turned my blinker on.

    No rapid clicking!

    My blinker was safely working again.

    Now, I don’t have to play chicken with oncoming traffic anymore.

    What is The Moral of this Story?

    The moral of the story is to make sure you pay attention; had I noticed such small, but significant, detail sooner, I wouldn’t have a stuck bulb in my headlights.

    Most bulbs look very similar when you don’t have prior knowledge and have numbers on them; each car takes a different bulb, like how certain things take certain battery types. I was forcing a D-battery into a C-port.

    The next time my front turn signal is in need of a new bulb, now I know which I would need to grab instead of grabbing anything and hoping for the best.

    Final Thoughts

    Fixing my turn signal took me about two hours, mostly because I didn’t realize my replacement bulbs were the wrong type. If I had checked the bulb type first, this probably would have been a five-minute job.

    Still, I’m glad I tried fixing it myself.

    I saved money, learned something about my car, and now I know exactly what kind of bulb my Dodge Dart needs the next time this happens.

    Sometimes small problems look bigger than they really are. With a little patience, a flashlight, and a YouTube video or two, you might be able to solve them yourself.

    And if not, at least you’ll understand the problem better before taking it to a mechanic.

    If This Helped You

    If this post helped you fix your turn signal—or at least helped you troubleshoot the problem—feel free to share it with someone else who might be dealing with the same issue.

    I also write about DIY fixes, personal training over 280 weeks, personal finances on a $40K salary, and figuring things out through trial and error and a hint of stubbornness.

    So if that’s your kind of thing, you can explore more posts here on The Stratagem’s Archive.

    If you enjoy posts like this and want to help fund future experiments, troubleshooting guides, and DIY attempts, you can tap the little wave button below to visit my Ko-fi page.

    Tiny Wave 👋

    I currently support the blog myself, but outside support is always appreciated.

    Plus, it helps me to see if people dropped by and visited the archives, instead of bots doing their jobs and indexing.

    Either way, thanks for reading—and drive safe.

    One Last Thing

    Have you ever tried fixing something on your car that should have taken five minutes… but ended up taking two hours?

    Or have you run into the same issue with the wrong type of bulb?

    Feel free to share what happened in the comments or share anonymously by clicking on the Tiny Wave button above. I’d be curious to hear how other people solved it.

    Explore More DIY Articles Below

    Explore The Stratagems Archive Here

  • 2025 is Nearly Over: What 5 Months Did to Me (And For Me)

    Another Year Coming to a Close—Let’s Look Back Before We Look Ahead

    Oh man. I can still feel the awkwardness of trying to force my blog’s identity into a “real life mastermind/villain” aesthetic.

    My fourth article—the infamous “2025 Is Nearly Over: A 6-Month Reflection & Projecting Ahead”—was my attempt to be clever, narrating like a stylish antagonist.

    What can I say? I liked fictional villains:

    Mads Mikkelsen’s Hannibal (peak elegance)

    BBC’s Moriarty (feral chaos gremlin energy)

    Garou from One Punch Man (antihero goals)

    But rereading that post now? It felt like finding an old childhood journal—full-body cringe.

    The same cringe I felt during my gamer/emo phase. (For the record: no piercings, no dyed hair, and my vampire/werewolf fascination was definitely NOT Twilight-related.)

    Here’s the thing: cringe is often just past-you doing the best you could with the tools you had. June-Me really was.

    This continuing reflection? That’s Present-Me building on top of the foundation Past-Me laid down.

    What’s Changed Since This Post?

    Well, for starters, the mastermind/villain writing aesthetic is gone. My writing no longer reads like an edge-lord making edginess their personality.

    I’ve shifted toward chronicling experiences, sharing interesting experiments, mulling “what if” scenarios, and yes—still procrastinating on folding my laundry.

    I changed my handle from Plans2Action to The Stratagem’s Archive, which felt cooler and better suited to reflecting on life while helping readers explore their own experiences as Fellow Archivists.

    And here’s the big difference: I’m not fueled by rage anymore. I’ve felt like an underdog my whole life—no talent, no skill, no charisma, just heart to keep going—but now, I’m not trying to prove anyone wrong. The people I once wanted to impress? I was chasing the wrong audience.

    I’m ugly. Bitter. Wretched.

    But also hopeful, exhausted through sheer willpower most days, and making my way through life with what I have—at a pace that doesn’t burn me out, doesn’t make me hate myself, and allows me to enjoy the frustrating process along the way.

    Things Still Feel Surreal Months Into 2025

    I still can’t believe how much The Stratagem’s Archive grew. It started as a way to get thoughts out of my head before they rotted. Now:

    And all of this is something Past-Me would never believe possible.

    It’s not just the blog that’s grown. I’ve grown too:

    • Renting my own studio
    • Managing my money and building for my future
    • Feeling at home being asexual
    • Navigating friendships with clear boundaries
    • Making my own map of life instead of blindly following someone else’s blueprint

    Younger me would never have imagined this life. And yet, here I am—living life my way, not punishing myself for unconventional choices, and enjoying the messy journey.

    What’s Next, Moving Towards 2026?

    Ain’t that the question we ask every new year? New Year’s resolutions, envy, self-doubt, the constant “am I doing enough?”

    I don’t know what’s next. Maybe I won’t have a corner office. Maybe I won’t run a Spartan race. Maybe I’ll learn Korean just to try something fun. Who knows?

    What I do know: I’ll keep working on The Stratagem’s Archive, posting when I can—not chasing numbers like an addict—living life, writing, training, exploring, and seeing what else life offers.

    Reflective Questions for Fellow Archivists

    Looking back, what part of your past-you makes you cringe but also feel grateful?

    Which accomplishments in the last months are invisible but meaningful to you?

    If the next 5 months were yours to design, without limits, what would you focus on?

    Thank You, Fellow Archivists

    Whether you silently follow, like, comment, or share, thank you for spending your time here. Your presence, curiosity, and engagement—however big or small—are what make this archive worthwhile.

    Here’s to 2026: one reflection, experiment, and late-night thought at a time.

    Check Out The Archives Below:

  • Sleeping Like a Dolphin: Half-Awake, Half-Asleep to Survive

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Our Sleep Patterns: Inborn or Adaptive?

    I had read Dr. Michael Breus’s book The Power of When, some years back, hoping to see how it could help me sleep better and fix my insomnia-like symptoms.

    After finishing the book, I went down an interesting rabbit hole, wondering whether or not something was wrong with me. Again.

    I questioned if I was predetermined to be wired as a dolphin—half-awake, half-asleep like dolphins when swimming—or if I trained myself to be one. Always on alert, where any sound, even silence, is a threat.

    What Can We Infer From Science and Experience?

    I haven’t looked deeply into sleep science beyond reading The Power of When.

    Though, I was curious to see if we’re capable of overwriting our sleep patterns with new ones.

    I used to work night shifts before switching over to a day shift, though similar patterns emerged:

    I’d stay up late into the night, struggle to wind down even with nothing on my mind, keep electronics away from me for an hour before sleep, then give up because I was forcing myself to do something my body and mind didn’t want to do.

    I listened to my usual mode of being and made what looks like a struggle to sleep and stay awake work for me.

    We’re built different, are different, and some general help helps 50% of the time more than not.

    I still stand by the idea that we can train ourselves to adapt our sleep habits—whether our schedules change, we have an event or appointment to keep, or something new enters our lives and throws our routines out of whack.

    For me, I’m always alert and aware of a lot of things: noises inside and outside of my studio, my Blink camera clicking because it thinks it’s tracking movement, my bed only a few feet away from the entrance.

    Even the quiet is unsettling because I grew up with noise—my dad snoring from sleep apnea, my dogs barking like mad because someone was walking past the fence, neighbors blasting music, people revving cars at midnight, or someone screaming until EMT lights flash through my window without sirens.

    Nothing new there.

    However, my current schedule is far from ideal, and it’s going to be the thing that kills me, if I don’t do something about it, one of these days.

    What I’m Doing Isn’t Sustainable

    On the days where I’m working both of my jobs, I’m practically working—and awake—for nearly the whole day.

    Like yesterday: I’d been awake since 6 a.m. at my first job and didn’t get home from my second until literally midnight, the next morning.

    I just got home 30 minutes ago, showering to wash off the dirt, grime, and glass dust from the day before, and already, I haven’t had a chance to let myself—or even my car—breathe and decompress.

    I’m constantly on all of the time.

    My alarms go off between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m., and I’ll barely get a nap by the time I finish eating something, showering, and prepping what I need to grab and go.

    I’ve been nodding off at the wheel driving home.

    I’ll feel myself blink, and my body jolts awake—goes numb—because it knows I’m driving and need to stay conscious.

    I’ve even gotten mad at myself for nodding off. The usual spiel:

    “You FUCKING IDIOT!

    STAY THE FUCK AWAKE!

    I’M SO FUCKING TIRED!

    THEY KEEP TAKING AND I’M GETTING NOTHING BACK—IT’S NOT FAIR!

    YOU’RE ALMOST HOME! STAY AWAKE! STAY THE FUCK AWAKE!”

    I can’t stand the smell of coffee and energy drinks. I refuse to use them to stay awake because my heart already has too much adrenaline pumping.

    The extra caffeine might just give me a heart attack this time around.

    A heart attack before 30, what an accomplishment I’ll get to experience if it came to that, huh?

    I’ve already been feeling horrible pressure in my right temple, like someone is twisting a vise around my head.

    My attention slips occasionally. My words slur like a drunk person’s—except I’m sober, just drunk on sleeplessness.

    The amount of sleep debt I have is horrible, and soon, someone’s going to come collecting.

    The price?

    I’ll either crash my car, or I’ll crash into someone else. That’s my worst fear: that I’ll get into a preventable accident and kill someone in the process.

    I’m increasing the likelihood of that happening with how terrible my sleep debt and hygiene are.

    And that scares me.

    What Have I Tried So Far?

    The only things I’ve been doing to help me sleep are taking hot Epsom salt baths and listening to fire crackle on my alarm clock—to keep my mind from focusing on everything outside me.

    The white noise feels both threatening and soothing.

    If I can’t hear something opening the door, I’m screwed.

    I live alone, so I better be fast enough to grab the stick within arm’s reach to fight back.

    But this is only doable on my days off.

    I’m struggling to find better solutions for the days I’m working both jobs.

    I return to my studio carrying the dirt and grime of the previous day, my legs numb from standing, struggling to hold my own weight.

    I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

    I so badly want to call out of work for a few hours of rest, but I don’t.

    A lot of people have been let go for attendance and punctuality.

    Using personal days, floating holidays, sick days, or vacation time feels like a punishment at my main job.

    If I drop to a certain percentage, I’ll be next.

    I hate that I can’t afford to be let go when my debts hang over my head like a guillotine blade.

    A puff of air would be strong enough for it to fall, but it’s dull—so it keeps hacking away to get the job done.

    I don’t know why I keep doing what I’m doing.

    I know I’m extremely fucking tired, and my full-time job doesn’t reward loyalty.

    I’m just trying to get out of this shit spot I put myself in: financial debt, mental debt, emotional and physical debt—just too much debt owed.

    And I can see how close I am to being free.

    The only thing I can say is: despite how extremely fucking tired I am, I’m still writing.

    I’m still alive.

    I’ll keep posting as much as I can while figuring out how to pay my sleep debt off.

    If I ever stop, then the debt collector came.

    Otherwise, it can piss off a little longer, and I’ll be here—half-awake, half-asleep, still flipping off whoever comes to collect, still writing.

    Until then, I’ll keep swimming like a dolphin—half-awake, half-asleep, chasing freedom through the waves of fatigue.

    Call to Action

    This half-awake, half-asleep state is just one way I’ve adapted to survive, create, and stay aware in a world that never stops moving.

    I’m curious — have you ever felt like a dolphin in your own life, navigating routines, compulsions, or habits just to keep going?

    How do you cope when the world keeps turning while you’re barely resting?

    If this piece resonated with you, feel free to like, share, or subscribe to follow the journey.

    Your thoughts, reflections, and experiences are welcome here — they’re part of the Archive too.

    Other Sleepless Reflections

    A Thank You For Making It To The End

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 2.0: A Companion Ebook

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.5

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.0

    Letters from the Void Newsletter

  • Two Manifestos + A Gift (For Fellow Archivists)

    The Stratagem’s Archive: You Begin Here

    Dear, Fellow Archivist,

    When you joined this archive, I promised you something: my first manifesto — the one that started this whole thing.

    That promise matters. So today, you’ll find it here:

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.0

    But this archive is alive. It grows. And so do I.

    Which is why I’m sending you something else, too:

    The Stratagem’s Manifesto 1.5

    The first manifesto was short, sharp, and written from survival.

    The second was written from growth, exhaustion, and the refusal to disappear. Together, they tell the story of a fire that didn’t go out.

    And because archives aren’t only words, I’ve included something visual too:

    These are a few early sticker designs I’ve been playing with using Canva. They’re a small line of experiments, ideas brought to life — small pieces of this archive you could carry.

    Sticker Idea #1
    Sticker Idea #2
    Sticker Idea #3
    Sticker Idea #4

    Everything I’ve made wouldn’t have happened without all of you, Fellow Archivists, for finding this little pocket of the internet of mine and watching it grow.

    Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for returning, even in the quiet. Every time someone new joins, this archive shifts from being just mine to being ours.

    Take what resonates. Leave what doesn’t. And if you feel like it, hit reply — I’d love to know which part of either manifesto spoke to you most.

    — Stratagem’s Archive

    P.S. If you’d like a sticker, please let me know. I only have a limited supply coming in. I gotta work to build my funds to supply for designs and more things to make (i.e. keychains and book markers).

    I think you could let me know in this post’s comment section or email me at whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com, and I’ll respond as soon as I possibly can. I don’t check this email as often, so I’ll set a reminder to do so.

    This is my way of saying thank you and that I’m excited to share something with you all.

    — The Stratagem’s Archive

  • It’s All Perspective: On Writing, Struggle, and Using the Tools That Keep Me Going

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Experience Comes From Trying and Learning

    There’s something I’ve come to realize lately — not from books or courses or advice I didn’t ask for — but from surviving, from showing up, from trying to keep a piece of myself alive while everything else demands more than I have to give:

    It’s all perspective.

    That phrase has sat with me for a while now, especially as I try to write every day — even while juggling two jobs, physical pain, emotional exhaustion, and a gnawing voice in the back of my mind asking, “Does any of this even matter?”

    Some days I barely have the mental bandwidth to string thoughts together, but I still want to write.

    To say something real. To feel like I still exist.

    So yes — I’ve turned to AI for support.

    Not for shortcuts.

    Not for followers.

    But for structure — for help when my brain feels like scrambled code and my mind is too full of fog to hold up the weight of full paragraphs. Even a sentence is difficult a lot of the time for me to come up with on my own.

    What People Know VS What I Think

    There’s a lot of noise out there.

    People talk about AI like it’s the death of creativity.

    Like using any tool that doesn’t come “purely” from your own brain is some kind of cheat code.

    But I don’t see it that way.

    I’m not giving up my voice.

    I’m not handing over the wheel.

    I’m collaborating with something that helps me keep the engine running on days I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone write a post that feels clear, coherent, and worth sharing.

    It’s not perfect.

    But it’s honest and it has helped me share the ideas swirling around in my head, even after working literally all day and commuting between jobs.

    And if someone wants to judge that from their high horse of energy, time, and privilege?

    Let them.

    They don’t know my hours.

    They don’t live my life.

    Perspective Is a Lens, Not a Law

    It’s wild how much meaning shifts depending on how you look at something.

    A break can be seen as quitting — or as healing. A tool can be seen as cheating — or adapting. A slow pace can be seen as lazy — or as deliberate. Asking for help can be seen as weakness — or as strength that refuses to drown silently.

    Perspective isn’t fact — it’s just the angle you’ve been taught to look from. And if that angle doesn’t serve me anymore, I have every right to shift it.

    I’m Still the One Holding the Pen

    Here’s the truth:

    When I use AI to help build a draft, I still have to read it, cut it, reshape it, rewrite it to match the truth in my chest.

    I delete what doesn’t feel right and what isn’t true for me. Then, I add what only I can say.

    And sometimes I just stare at the screen for a while, exhausted, and let the structure be enough until I can fill it with more.

    That’s not giving up.

    That’s surviving the storm while still finding time to

    write a sentence, or ten, or none at all.

    Keep Showing Up, However You Can

    If you’ve ever felt like your creative spark flickers under the weight of your job, your body, your past, or the expectations placed on you — I get it.

    I’m in it too.

    But don’t let anyone shame you for using whatever tools, habits, rituals, or support systems you need to stay in the fight.

    I’ve seen enough of it through PVP — Player versus Player games like, “Elden Ring”, where certain players think using the tools IMPLEMENTED IN THE GAME is considered “cheating” or “ruining the game.” (If you know, you know).

    Whether that’s AI, notebooks full of scribbles, or writing at 2AM when the world is quiet enough to think — it’s yours.

    Your voice doesn’t become less yours because you get help shaping it.

    This isn’t about perfection. This is about persistence.

    And if perspective changes everything, then maybe it’s time to stop looking at yourself through the lens of people who never tried to understand you in the first place.

    Did any part of this sit with you?

    If you’ve ever felt the same — or even something close — you’re not alone.

    I’d love to hear what came up for you, if you feel like sharing. Whether it’s a quiet “me too,” a story of your own, or just a thought you’ve been holding, the comments are open — and so am I.

    No pressure, no performance. Just space

    Whether you write by hand, by heart, or with a little help — I see you.

    If you’re using tools to stay afloat, what helps you show up in your work or creativity?

    Share your thoughts in the comments, or keep them to yourself — either way, I hope you keep going.

    Fellow Archivists, welcome, as always.

    If you’d like to see the inspirations of this post, check out my other articles on what I think about AI below.

    Learning to Work With A.I. — Not Let It Think For Me

    A.I. Was Taking Over My Writing Life — I Had to Pull Myself Back

    Quarantine Life: In The Confines of Comfort: Idea #1:

    Otherwise, if this spoke to you, leave a comment — I actually read them. They remind me I’m not alone in this either. Sharing helps others find this space too. That matters more than you know.

  • Trunk Logic: Thoughts From the Pre-Shift Void

    “Reflections from the trunk of my car, before work: Is life just a social experiment we never signed up for? Thoughts on change, rebellion, and small comforts.”

    — The Stratagem’s Archives

    P.S:This post was originally shared with my (newsletter) subscribers first.

    If you’d like to get these thoughts directly (and occasionally earlier), you can subscribe through my blog — no spam, no pressure, just quiet dispatches from wherever life finds me to your inbox.

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Is Life One Huge Social Experiment We Didn’t Know We Consented To?

    I’ve been sitting with a question lately — the kind that shows up uninvited when the world goes quiet.

    Does being alive — and being human — feel like a massive social experiment no one remembers signing up for?

    Because, to me, sometimes it does.

    Like every day, we’re thrown into a loop of expectations, roles, metrics, and mantras.

    “Go with the flow.”

    “Stay positive.”

    “Work hard. It’ll pay off.”

    But… what if none of this is flowing? What if we’re all silently breaking under the same pressure but pretending it’s fine because we think it’s just us?

    We have the opportunity to experiment every day — with our choices, ideas, preferences, energy, moods, hopes, the topics we write about and how, with anything really. Maybe not with as much leeway or legroom as we’d like.

    Believe me, I’ve been sleeping curled up in my car for 2 years now and finally decided to try something new.

    However, rarely do we change what matters. We tend to stick to habits, even when they no longer help us in any way, because they are familiar. We don’t always shift the experiment to our liking and, while not always on purpose, I’m convinced that everyone is the control group of this experiment.

    If we don’t try something even slightly different, then we wonder why the results we get are never changing.

    A Small Personal Experiment

    Before my shift today, I tried something different — not profound, just practical. I brought my iPad with me to work on my blog more, I’ve stayed up longer than normal where I’d usually be napping, then I laid down in the trunk of my car with my legs stretched into the main body of the vehicle.

    It’s not poetic. My trunk is full of junk. I’ll probably hit my head when I sit up.

    But this was more comfortable than curling up in the back seat or sleeping with my legs towards the trunk instead.

    Plus, this was more private too.

    And, for a brief moment, it felt like I had control over one small part of my day. Like I had outsmarted the discomfort in a world that tells me to just deal with it.

    I don’t want to keep “dealing with it.”

    That tiny act of rebellion — of laying differently, of doing what worked better for me — reminded me:

    Even when we don’t control the experiment, we can still change how we respond to it.

    If You’re Reading This…

    You don’t have to sleep in your car trunk to know what I’m talking about.

    If you’ve ever asked yourself:

    • Why does life feel like a loop I didn’t choose?
    • Why am I so tired of trying to “stay positive” when nothing’s changing?
    • What small thing can I try today to feel a little more like a person instead of a cog?

    Then you’re already running your own experiment. You’re already adapting and resisting in quiet ways.

    Want More Like This?

    This post started as part of my newsletter, where I share things that don’t always make it to my blog — the stranger thoughts, the in-between reflections, and the moments written in silence before work.

    If that sounds like something you’d want more of, then I’d like to invite you to click subscribe wherever you see the button.

    No pressure, no spam. Just one fellow archivist sending notes to another.

    Some Reflections to Consider

    If life is a social experiment — what kind of subject would you want to be?
    Someone who repeats the patterns they were handed?
    Or someone who quietly tweaks the design, even if no one’s watching?

    You don’t have to comment.

    You don’t have to share.

    But it does help other people find this space; I’m slowly building from the ground up and make it a space for the weary, angry, wondering, and wandering souls out there.

    Final Thoughts

    “Maybe life is a social experiment going insane, but that doesn’t mean I have to go insane too.”

    Thanks for reading,

    — The Stratagem’s Archive

  • Thoughts From the Trunk of My Car

    “I’m lying in the dimly lit trunk of my car before work, I question if life is just a social experiment we didn’t agree to — and why trying something different matters.”

    — The Stratagem’s Archive

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Is Life One Huge Social Experiment We Didn’t Know We Consented To?

    Hey, fellow archivists,

    I was sitting in silence earlier — not meditating or anything deep, just letting the silence stretch on the drive to work. Sometimes, that’s when the most unexpected thoughts show up.

    Here’s one such thought that landed in my head that I wanted to share:

    Does being alive — being human — feel like a massive social experiment no one knew they consented to?

    Because it does to me.

    Every day feels like a trial. A simulation. A repeat of variables. Everyone sticking to some script handed to them, but didn’t realize they got, while expecting new results.

    Meanwhile, life keeps throwing us curveballs and saying: “Adapt. React. Cope.”

    And the weirdest part?

    We can try something different… but when was the last time we tried something different?

    We are a habitual creature — we wear the same pain. Repeat the same patterns. Stay in jobs we hate to survive. Perform the same “I’m fine”s. We don’t realize something needs to change — but we’d still want life to feel different.

    Today, my “trying something different” was weird, small, and personal:

    I simply changed the way I sleep in my car before work.

    Yeah — still sleeping in the car, but this time I tucked my upper body into the trunk with my backseat pulled down, my 2 small fans running and the street lights shining into my car, while I let my legs stretch out in the body of the car.

    It’s not poetic. I’ll probably hit my head later. My trunk’s full of junks I never took out or organized better. But I’m more comfortable than when I curl up in the backseat.

    And weirdly, this small adjustment made me feel like I had some control over my comfort. Like I outsmarted the box I was given.

    Sometimes, trying something different doesn’t look like starting a business or moving across the country. Not always at least.

    Sometimes, it’s laying down in a new position.

    Or letting yourself ask strange questions that seem to suddenly appear in silence.

    Or writing down your thoughts with a dim car light and a keyboard glowing in the dark.

    If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck inside a life you didn’t design, just know — you’re not imagining it.

    But maybe there’s still room to adjust.

    To experiment.

    To find a better way to lay down, or stand up, or stretch out into something that feels like yours.

    Thanks for being here.

    More soon,

    Letters from the Void Newsletter

    — The Stratagem’s Archive

    P.S. If this resonated with you, you don’t have to reply — but maybe try something small and different today. Just to remind yourself you still can.

    If you’re subscribed, thank you. These newsletters are where I put the thoughts that don’t always make it into my blog — the quieter ones, the stranger ones, the ones that live in the dark before shift.

    This newsletter isn’t about updates — it’s about documentation. The kind that matters when no one’s looking. The kind fellow archivists might recognize in their own lives too.

    P.S: If you subscribed but haven’t received anything yet, there may be a hiccup with WordPress/Jetpack. Emails might land in your spam or promotions tab — or sometimes it just doesn’t send (frustrating, I know). But I promise I’m still writing, even if my words take the long way to reach you.

    “Maybe life is a social experiment going insane, but that doesn’t mean I have to go insane too.”

  • When a Raise Feels Like a Golden Prison

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    A 30% raise sounds great—until you realize you’re giving up your body, sleep, and peace just to keep the job that’s breaking you.

    Has anyone really calculated how much their work is worth to them when their lives: body, soul, mind, recreational activities, relationships, and personal projects are taken out of the equation?

    — The Archivist

    How Much of You are Giving Up in Exchange?

    We had another work meeting today.

    Like in most of those meetings, I wasn’t fully paying attention. Not out of disrespect, but just pure exhaustion and never eating breakfast because I have to choose between sleep or food. Yeah, this isn’t a sustainable habit, but it’s been one I’ve known for most of my working life.

    Anyways, I’m barely half-listening to what’s being discussed while trying not to mentally spiral over how tired I am or what tasks are going to break my back next. That is… until one of my coworkers asked me about the 30% raise said to be scheduled to happen this October.

    This immediately got my attention. I thought to myself; “30%? Since when are we jumping from single digit raises and into the double digits?”

    Naturally, the question everyone started asking was: “Is this for just the higher-ups or for us too?” Because for the last 4 years, most of us on the warehouse floor usually got between 3-6% raises each October, if we’re lucky it went through. And those felt generous at the time—until now, when we’re suddenly dangling a much bigger number.

    I did the math. If it does apply to me, I’d go from earning $23/hour to about $29.90/hour. Those earning $20.53/hour would jump to around $28.12/hour.

    Sounds good, right?

    More money means more security and more opportunity to pay off debt faster, build my emergency savings, contribute to my Roth IRA, support causes I care about, buy things I want just because, or buy something for my family.

    Except… I didn’t feel excited. I felt numb. I got suspicious. What was the catch? That was the question my mind was leaning into, even though my coworkers all sounded excited and buzzing around me. I felt like the odd one out, but you can’t blame me for not sharing their excitement.

    You want to know why I wasn’t including myself in the excitement? Because the truth is, I’m not sure I can keep doing this — raise or not.

    Update:

    It was too good to be true; seemed that enough of my coworkers heard 30%, but it was the usual 3% raise instead. A lot of people were VERY disappointed, but the numbers are no longer absurdly high, and all is right again.

    What Am I Giving Up By “Earning More”

    I’ve been at this warehouse job for 4 years now and I’m turning 29 this year. And while I’ve gotten stronger and smarter in some ways, I’ve also gotten tired. Not just sleepy-tired where a good 8+ hours of rest could remedy. No, not that kind.

    I’m Soul-crushing-tired.

    • I’m sleeping in my car before shifts just to get parking at work.
    • I’ve seen the physical trainer at work more times than I want to admit because my body is starting to show the cracks.
    • I can’t sleep peacefully anymore. I wake up already drained.
    • My back hurts to the point pain shoots down my left leg like electricity is coursing through my veins.
    • My energy is non-existent. My mind doesn’t stop spinning, even when I try to rest.

    And the things that make life feel worth living? They’ve started falling away.

    My hobbies. My curiosity. My ability to try new things. Maintaining my relationships with my family, that kind of thing. While typing this post, I’ve caught myself resting in front of my iPad keyboard now and again, trying to force myself awake and staring at the clock screaming at me that I’ll be getting less sleep. Again.

    Even basic rest is being sabotaged despite my efforts. Everything I called my own is now pushed to the side so I can keep showing up, day after day, for a job that’s breaking me in slow motion.

    More Money = Less Me

    Here’s the thing: I know that money is important, I get that part intimately. I have debt. I have future plans. I’m not allergic to the idea of stability. But lately, I’ve started to wonder:

    What’s the point of more money if it comes at the cost of myself?

    I’ve already lost time. Lost parts of my health. Lost entire evenings and weekends to fatigue and dread. How much more am I supposed to give?

    How much is my body worth?

    How much is my mental clarity worth?

    How much of my potential am I supposed to sacrifice for the illusion of being “secure”?

    A Choice That Doesn’t Feel Like One

    At one point, our job’s big boss once said during a personal meeting with her some weeks ago:

    “If we(frontline workers) choose to stay with the company, great. But if we choose to leave, that’s up to us too.”

    That’s easy to say when you’re on the other side of the floor.

    Sure, it’s “my choice.” But when you’re trying to pay rent, get out of debt, save for emergencies, and survive in a world that gets more expensive by the day — is it really a choice?

    It feels more like a corner I’ve been painted into. One where the door says freedom, but it’s locked by bills, fear, and exhaustion.

    The Part-Time Job I Don’t Want to Lose

    I also have a part-time job at a rage room and I actually enjoy it: this job makes me feel like a person, not a machine. I’ve been given a $1/hour raise within not even a few months since starting by my own merit, not out of obligation like a lateral raise. One where one of the owners told me, with certainty, that he doesn’t see me quitting or being fired any time soon.

    But with the increasing demands of my full-time job — the possibilities of earlier start times, later end times, and higher volume in my work future — I might have to quit that part-time job just to keep up. And I hate that.

    Because in trying to “do the responsible thing,” I’m giving up something that gives me energy and meaning. Again, the tradeoff doesn’t feel fair and I hate it with a passion.

    I Don’t Want to Climb the Corporate Ladder

    Some people might suggest I try to move up the ladder in my company and aim for a better paying position.

    But I’ve looked up that ladder — and I don’t want to.

    More responsibility. More hours. More expectations. More sacrifice. Same machine. Different uniform.

    I’m not trying to climb higher into something that’s already draining me.

    So, Now What?

    Honestly, I don’t know.

    I’m stuck in the same mental loop a lot of working people are in:

    “I need this job… but I’m not sure I can survive it.”

    A 30% raise sounds great. But it’s still a prison if I can’t live fully. If I can’t be well. If I’m giving up everything that makes me have to pick work over my life just to earn more, then I can’t be the only one feeling like this is crazy, right?

    So maybe that’s the real question:

    What are we working for if we’re too broken to enjoy any of it?

    One and All Who Made it Through

    If you made it this far — thank you.

    Whether this is your first time here or you’ve quietly read my posts before, just know this: I see you. You don’t have to comment. You don’t have to share. You don’t have to explain anything about where you’re at in life right now, unless you want to.

    If you’ve ever sat alone in a parking lot before your shift, traded your energy for a paycheck, or wondered if surviving is all there is — you’re not weird, broken, or too much.

    You’re human. And you’re not alone here.

    Thanks for reading.

    If someday you feel like speaking, you’re always welcome to. I read and respond to every comment whenever I can, and sharing helps other people find this space too. But if today all you have is quiet recognition — that’s more than enough.

    Have You Fully Met Yourself in the Silence?

    The Moment I Stopped Waiting for Permission

    More Than Muscle: What Real Strength Looks Like to Me.

    Feel free to also check out my newsletter (Letters from the Void Newsletter) or my downloadable PDF (Thank You + Free Download) here as a thank you from me to you.

    Until next time, I’ll see you all later in the archives.

  • The Whisper of a Far Off Promise — of Freedom, Choice, and Rest.

    I want to rest, but I’m fighting to stay awake.

    I hear the voice of freedom beckoning me.

    It whispers, “One more line. One more idea.”

    And I can’t pretend to turn my back on it again.

    I’m Awake When The World is Asleep

    I often stare at the walls of my apartment; my light clock shines dimly on my face in the darkness. When it’s a tough night, I’ll struggle to sleep, then I look at the time and sigh heavily.

    It’s almost midnight. Again.

    I have to wake up at 2 a.m. if I want to find parking at the warehouse. That gives me maybe… an hour and a half of sleep if I try right now.

    But I won’t.

    Because something in me needs to write before the noise eats me alive.

    I know it’s reckless. I know its not sustainable, I’m tired — not in a poetic way, but in the real, physical, almost-broken way that makes your bones feel heavy and your thoughts turn against you. But if I don’t get these words out of my head, I’ll drown in them.

    Writing to Outrun the Thoughts

    The thoughts always come when I’m still and in motion, in the silence and in the noise.

    They tell me I’m a nobody.

    That I should be grateful to have any job — even one that eats my time and grinds down my health, mind, and soul.

    Because I don’t have a degree, or an impressive resume, or experience, or friends in high places who could help me out, I’m not valuable or worth anything enough to anyone else, and I don’t have a business either.

    That without this job, everything I’ve built would collapse under its own weight — rent, bills, debt, fear.

    But I keep writing. Because it’s the only thing I have that feels like mine.

    The Promise I Chased

    When I started this blog, I believed — truly believed — that I could turn my words into something sustainable. Not viral. Not a brand. Just enough to breathe. Just enough to build an escape hatch in case I got let go.

    Because that’s always possible, isn’t it?

    One shift cut. One bad quarter. One policy change. One injury or accident. One manager who decides I’m expendable.

    I thought maybe — just maybe — if I wrote enough, showed up enough, shared enough, someone would see me. Maybe I could earn a few dollars. Maybe people would support my work.

    And now, nearly 60 posts in, I find myself wondering:

    Was I wrong to believe in that idea?

    Was hope just a softer kind of trap?

    Questioning the Value of My Voice

    Who would pay to read this?

    What value have I created for anyone but myself?

    Those questions haunt me more than failure does. Because failure would at least mean I tried something big. But this? This feels like being stuck in-between — too tired to dream, too stubborn to quit.

    I work two jobs.

    My second one — a part-time gig at a rage room — helps me scrape by, but it could never support me if I lost my full-time warehouse job. That one is the anchor — and I’m terrified of what happens if it slips.

    Why I Moved Out (Even When I Couldn’t Afford To)

    I moved out not because I had to, but because I needed to.

    I didn’t want to keep leaning on my family. I wanted to learn how to stand on my own, to feel what it’s like to be fully responsible for myself. But no one tells you how hard independence really is when you have no safety net and no time.

    Even now, I don’t want to be a burden — not to them, not to anyone.

    But I feel like I’m at the mercy of everything outside me: schedules, bills, landlords, loud neighbors, shifts, exhaustion, bad sleep.

    Some days, I’m just surviving.

    Some days, not even that.

    My family supported my decision and claim I’ve grown since I moved out. Though, I wonder if they only see what they want to because, I don’t verbally share much of what’s going on with them, they tell me to appreciate what I have too. Even if it sucks, even if I hate it, it supports me, right?

    The Far-Off Promise

    And yet… there’s a whisper I keep chasing.

    It speaks to me in the quiet moments, when the city sleeps and my heart still believes in something more. It’s the promise of freedom. Of having time. Of waking up when my body’s ready, not when a schedule demands it. Of creating because I want to — not because I’m scrambling for escape.

    It’s the whisper of choice.

    Of rest.

    Of building a life instead of barely surviving one not meant for me.

    Somewhere, deep down, I still believe I might reach it. Even if it’s far off. Even if no one’s handed me a map.

    No One Is Coming to Save Me — But I’m Still Here

    No degree. No connections. No fancy job titles.

    But I’m still writing.

    Still working.

    Still showing up to my own life with a pen in my hand and a fire in my chest.

    Because if no one is coming to save me, then maybe I’ll save myself — word by word, post by post.

    This blog isn’t a business plan. Not anymore.

    It’s a record. A living document that says:

    I was here. I felt all of this. I wanted more. And I didn’t go quietly.

    To Anyone Else Still Dreaming

    If you’re stuck, tired, or holding onto your dream by a thread — I see you.

    If you’re working two jobs and still not making it,

    if you stay up late to feel human again,

    if you’re doing your best not to be a burden,

    if you’re chasing something no one else sees —

    you’re not alone.

    You’re not broken for wanting more.

    You’re not selfish for needing rest.

    You’re not lazy, or ungrateful, or too much.

    You’re just human. And the world isn’t set up for people like us.

    But we’re still here.

    Still writing.

    Still alive.

    That means something.

    If This Resonated…

    Subscribe to the blog — I write about survival, dreaming, burnout, and why we keep going. Leave a comment — even just one word. I’d love to know what this stirred in you. Share this post — maybe someone else needs it too.

    Or you could check out my newsletter here: Letters from the Void Newsletter.

    No spam, no pressure, just another thing to share. Or you could reflect on these few questions below if you’d like.

    1)What post of mine stuck with you—and why?

    2)What would you want to see more of?

    3)Would you support this space if I offered a way to?

    Now, that everything’s been said and done, I’ll see you all later in the archives.