The Stratagem’s Archive

Tag: Defining strength

  • More Than Muscle: My 274-Week Ongoing Training Experiment to Survive Real Life (Not Gym Life)

    Author’s Note: This article isn’t about getting ripped. It’s about how I learned to survive life—physically, emotionally, and mentally—when the rest of the world is built for people with perfect schedules. Here is a space for those where life, for them, was anything but perfect.

    Why No Existing Program Fit Me — So I Built One That Did

    I’ve spent 274 weeks—yes, over five years—trying to get strong enough to handle real life, not gym life. During that time, I’ve tested almost every training program the internet and library shelves had to offer.

    The numbers aren’t perfect.

    The timeline isn’t perfect.

    But the training never stopped.

    Over 274 weeks, I’ve trained like:

    • a grappler
    • a calisthenics athlete
    • a strongman
    • a warehouse worker
    • a military-inspired clod
    • an MMA-inspired phony
    • and sometimes, a sleep-deprived goblin running on spite.

    I’ve been tracking 274 weeks of training—on paper, at least. In reality, I’ve been at this since I was 20 or 21, long enough that my original logbook disappeared at some point.

    I’ve tried working out for more than an hour for 5-6 days a week. But when I got overwhelmed or too tired to train, I kept calling myself a weak bitch for not keeping up with any program standards.

    The thing I learned early on was simple:

    I HATED EVERYTHING I WAS DOING.

    • I couldn’t afford a gym membership, so I made do with the old iron weights my dad had.
    • I couldn’t buy separate groceries from the family budget, so I had to make dinner for everyone else.
    • I struggle to this day to get more than two hours of restful sleep at a stretch.
    • My work schedule varies day by day.
    • I had pre-existing and new injuries from working a physically demanding job.
    • I was burning myself out trying to keep up with personal obligations and trying to get “gym strong.”

    My training fell apart constantly. I got hurt. I burned out. I forced myself to follow programs designed for people who slept eight hours, ate perfect meals, and had stable routines.

    I thought I was the problem.

    I thought I was weak, inconsistent, undisciplined.

    Most programs don’t fail because people are weak—they fail because they don’t account for real life.

    In the end, I didn’t build a training program—I built a survival system instead.

    I didn’t earn my expertise from certifications. I earned it from trial, error, burnout, injuries, confusion, experimentation, and refusing to quit.

    So, if you’ve ever tried a program that promised results but didn’t fit your life…

    If you struggle to train around a chaotic schedule, low sleep, or a physically demanding job…

    Or if you want strength that matters in the real world, not just in front of a mirror…

    Then this is for you.

    Here’s Why I Train to Be Chaotic Life Strong

    In my previous More Than Muscle Articles, I’ve mentioned that I decided to pursue fitness my way because following standard gym programs—bench press, deadlifts, and squats—made me painfully aware of how weak I really was.

    I struggled to push my cart of groceries up a slight incline without getting winded.

    That embarrassed the hell out of me because I thought I could handle something so mundane because my big 3 lifts numbers were decent.

    Nope. Domestic chores kicked my ass.

    And I myself—if I couldn’t even do simple chores, could I really consider myself strong and healthy?

    So, I started pursuing fitness from a different perspective—chaotic, unbalanced, and never ideal, but I tried to work with my situation, instead of punishing myself for being an outlier.

    How I Train to Be Chaotic Life Strong

    Before I continue, here’s what my training philosophy and program does NOT involve:

    • Aesthetic-focused training
    • Strict programming
    • Discipline worship
    • Gym culture
    • Perfect sleep, meals, or schedules
    • Hustle porn—celebrating constant grind as if exhaustion were a badge of honor

    I train to:

    • Do my chores without struggle
    • Bear hug and lift people when I get overly excited
    • Push, pull, and carry awkward freight for work weighing between 25 to over 5,000+ pounds
    • Wake up with less stiffness
    • Explore BJJ, calisthenics, and other things I enjoy

    I’ve been training to be chaotic life strong.

    Chaotic Life Strong means building the kind of strength that survives real schedules, real stress, real fatigue, and real chaos.

    Strength that doesn’t rely on perfect conditions.

    It’s strength you can actually use.

    Author’s Note: My Conscious Trade-Offs:

    I’ve accepted that, as I was developing my personal training regimen and philosophy, I had to accept some trade-offs.

    My life situation doesn’t focus on 1 rep maxes, pressing or pushing or squatting a heavily loaded bar, or isolated movements. I chose to look weak on paper to conventional gym metrics because I focused more on what I wanted to achieve: adaptability, mobility, chaos induced functional training instead.

    The main thing is, if I wanted to include deadlifts, bench presses, and other exercises and equipment, I have to make sure:

    • I can afford it.
    • It makes sense for me.
    • And it’s what I want to do.

    Otherwise, on the back burner it goes.

    Same thing with getting professional help; if I can afford a coach to help me fine tune things or I can get certified myself instead down the line, then I have the option to do it later on.

    My Survival Program to Be Chaotic Life Strong

    The first thing I had to change was my attitude toward training.

    I had spent years punishing myself for not being “good enough,” because someone on the internet said so, and I needed to be engaged with wanting to get stronger. Not allergically averse to my physical goals.

    Here’s how I program myself to stay consistent:

    • Minimum viable training: 2 days is enough
    • Modular sessions: mix and match movements
    • Energy-based autoregulation: go until you feel a red flag
    • Movement quality over quantity
    • Life-first programming: obligations never go away
    • Play: ambidextrous writing, juggling, crawling, swinging sticks like a Berserker indoors

    By being flexible and lenient with myself, I’ve achieved more than I ever did in my early 20s:

    • My joints aren’t protesting like the 4th of July
    • I can sit down and get off the floor without using my hands
    • I can move fluidly and explosively, almost like Goku from Dragon Ball Z
    • I can defend against my BJJ partner’s attacks so tightly that they waste energy trying to escape my grip

    Nutrition for Daily Function—Not Aesthetics

    Nutrition is simple: I eat what I’ll actually eat.

    • Broccoli? Yes.
    • Edamame? Of course.
    • Thin meats? Absolutely.
    • Chocolate? Always yes!

    I’m not trying to lose weight or bulk for aesthetics.

    I eat to function and enjoy treats without guilt.

    Sometimes I fast because of low appetite.

    Sometimes I drink a chocolate protein shake or a Chobani smoothie because of said low appetite.

    Sometimes, I get home late from work and I’ll just eat a bowl of cereal before bed.

    Flexibility and listening to my body matter more than rigid rules. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been able to keep going through more than 5 years of this ongoing experiment.

    Sample Flows for Readers

    Below, I’ve included sample flows that readers can try if they want:

    • Mobility Flow: stretches, rolls, and controlled bodyweight movements
    • Strength Flow: kettlebell or sandbag carries, bodyweight push/pull, core activation
    • Chaotic Load Handling: awkward-object lifts, rotations, and full-body coordination

    Try them as written or adapt to your situation. Each flow is designed to teach movement quality, strength, and real-world adaptability without rigid programming or perfect conditions.

    Download Chaotic Life Strong Exercise Flows PDF Here

    Reflect Here, Fellow Archivists

    As we get closer to the end of this article, have you considered a few things for yourself?

    • “When was the last time you tried a program that didn’t fit your life?”
    • “How did you adjust to pursue your own fitness goals within or without a standard program for your life constraints?”
    • “Have you encountered something that made you think that being gym strong wasn’t enough for life?”
    • “If so, how did it change your perspective on what being strong means to you?”

    In Conclusion

    I didn’t want to push five times my body weight and struggle with groceries.

    I didn’t want to stand on my hands if I struggled to stand on my own two feet.

    I didn’t want to give up things I liked because someone on the internet said I should.

    I wanted to explore what my body could do while I still had the strength.

    I wanted to take life head-on and say:

    “This sucks, but life’s gonna have to push back harder to get me to back down.”

    If You Made It to the End

    I appreciate your dedication to finishing things to the end, Fellow Archivists. This article is a brief share of my five-year journey of trial, error, and experimentation.

    It’s a living system, always evolving as my life changes.

    Feel free to like, subscribe, comment, or quietly reflect on your own journey.

    Try the sample flows. If they work, great. If they don’t, hey—that’s still valuable feedback.

    Thank you for spending your time here. And I’ll see you all later in the archives.

    Gifts From the Archives

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  • My Return to BJJ—1 Year Later—and Purposely Undergoing a Live Stress Test: A Reflection

    My Hands Were Shaking When I Drove to Class

    It’s been nearly a year since I last stepped on the blue mats of my BJJ academy. According to my training journal, my last class was January 8th, 2025 — my 128th class — before I had to stop due to a back injury and financial constraints from a car accident. Returning on December 7th, 2025, felt like a long time, and I was nervous:

    • It had been nearly a year since I last rolled.

    • There might be people I wouldn’t know.

    • Some classes require students to be at least a 3-stripe white belt for participation. Thankfully, I still qualified as a 3 stripe white belt.

    While driving, my body reacted in unexpected ways: my left calf cramped, I started coughing, and I told myself, “Damn, my body is reacting because it’s nervous. Of all times to be bitching out, it had to be now?”

    After months of routine—work, sleep, errands, video games, and home training—I needed more than the usual grind. BJJ was closer to home now, and it felt like the right time to go back.

    ⸻

    Why I Needed a Stress Test

    For those unfamiliar, a stress test in martial arts, much like in life, is about safely pushing your body to see how it holds up under live conditions.

    Over the years, I’ve collected injuries and scars from inattentiveness, being caught off guard by others, or even my XXL pit bulls jumping on me. I wanted to know: was my body ready for live sparring again?

    Sparring isn’t the same as wrestling. You have to consider chokes, joint locks, and having someone’s full weight on you while pinning your back to the mat. Anything can go wrong. My goal wasn’t to dominate — it was to measure my physical and mental readiness after a long break.

    ⸻

    Walking Back Onto the Mats

    I parked, grabbed my keys and water, locked my doors, and approached the gym cautiously, like a baby deer taking its first steps. Looking inside, I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Familiar faces waved, which calmed my nerves.

    I sought out the professor who owns the academy, but a different instructor was running the class. He recognized me from previous sessions and gave me the green light to spar after the No Gi fundamentals class ended. I sat on the benches, trembling, pressing my hands together, inhaling and exhaling — then holding my breath because I forgot how to breathe.

    Once the class ended, I warmed up with jumping jacks to prime myself. The professor asked if I was okay rolling with a purple belt I knew, and I jumped at the chance.

    I’m not afraid to roll with someone who is bigger, stronger, more experienced, or more skilled than me. I get to learn, practice, and see what I can do, even if they go light to keep both of us safe from sparring.

    ⸻

    How the Stress Test Went

    Three rounds of six-minute sparring later, I was pleasantly surprised at how well I did. It felt more like I had taken a short break, not a full year off.

    Some mistakes were minor — I forgot the precise way to finish a rear choke — but I adjusted when reminded. I even executed an ankle pick sweep: pulling my partner’s ankles toward me while redirecting his momentum with my legs. It didn’t lead to a full reversal, but I was responding appropriately to pressure.

    My rolling style is defensive and strategic. I trap opponents, force them to waste energy, and conserve my own. I’m not explosive or dominant, but I’m patient, resilient, and precise. The stress test reminded me that physical strength isn’t the only measure of capability; strategy, awareness, and calm under pressure matter just as much.

    ⸻

    Reflection

    Returning to BJJ after a long break wasn’t just a test of skill — it was a test of confidence, patience, and self-trust. I learned that:

    • Time away doesn’t erase progress.

    • My instincts are still there; my mind still processes challenges.

    • Nervousness is natural, but preparation and mindfulness make it manageable.

    • Strategy and awareness often matter more than raw strength.

    ⸻

    Questions for You to Reflect On

    1. Have you ever returned to something you loved after a long break? How did it feel physically, mentally, or emotionally?

    2. What kind of “stress test” could you apply to your own life to measure your growth or readiness?

    3. How do you balance nervousness with action in situations that challenge you?

    ⸻

    Thank You for Spending Time with the Archives

    If you enjoyed reading this reflection, I’d love for you to like, subscribe, or share with someone who might appreciate it.

    You can share your thoughts in the comments below to start a discussion, or you can do so anonymously at the archives email, whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com.

    Otherwise, if you prefer, you can reflect silently and carry your thoughts forward — either way, thank you for spending time with the archives. Your attention and energy mean a lot.

    ————

    Explore The Stratagems Archives

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  • More Than Muscle: My No-Gym, No-Excuse Home Setup

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    Life Outside of the Gym Setting

    Most people go to the gym for more than just equipment. It’s the energy, the people, the buzz — the sense that you’re part of something. I get that. I used to train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and felt that same rush — sparring, learning, getting my face shoved into the mat, and still getting back up. There’s a kind of community there that makes you feel like you belong.

    But life doesn’t always let you belong.

    Pain, exhaustion, work, debt, and the kind of schedule that doesn’t give a damn if you’re sore or soul-tired — those are real. So instead of wishing for a better time or waiting for a perfect gym, I’ve built a home setup that fits my life as it is — not the life I wish I had.

    This is strength — to me, it’s not the numbers I lift, but the fact that I still show up, even when my lower back flares up with acute and electric pain shooting up and down my left leg.

    My Apartment Friendly Home Gym

    No, I don’t have a power rack or squat bar. I’m not looking for “absolute strength.” Anymore at least. What I want is to feel good in my body again — powerful, capable, like I’m a character out of the games I love:

    • The Tarnished from Elden Ring.
    • Kassandra from Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey.
    • The Hunter from Bloodborne.
    • Wolf from Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice.

    Characters who don’t just survive — they move, they fight, they climb, they persist, they endure and thrive, even starting out as faceless nobodies at the ending of a life changing event or in the middle of it.

    I train to feel like I can handle whatever the world throws at me — physically and mentally, even with my current limitations because life tends to beat you until you’re within an inch of your life, no matter what you do and don’t do.

    Here’s What I Have For My Set Up

    • 25–35 lb sandbag – For squats, rows, carries, and controlled chaos
    • Kettlebells (10–30 lbs) – Versatile and easy to grip for swings, squats, and more
    • High dip bars – Bodyweight rows, dips, and pushups with range
    • Resistance bands – Mobility, control, and variety without weights
    • 8 lb weighted vest – Makes everything harder and humbles you fast
    • 2.5 lb ankle/wrist weights – Subtle burn, especially for rehab-style days
    • Foam roller – For recovery and mobility sessions Mindset – The 2nd most important thing in the room
    • Myself — the MOST important thing in the room.

    Since I also live above people, I have to make adjustments and choose appropriate workouts, so ballistic movements (like jumps) are out — but likely anyone can still get strong no matter their circumstances and restrictions.

    A Glimpse into My “Routine” — If You Can Call It That

    Today, after a long shift and traffic that tested my last nerve, I came home and:

    • Washed dishes
    • Threw tomorrow’s steak in the fridge to defrost
    • Picked up my sandbag and knocked out: 2 sets of sandbag squats 2 sets of sandbag rows

    Was it a “full workout?” Maybe not. But it was something. My journal has been filled with “rest days” lately, but today I reminded myself that I don’t need to be perfect — I just need to keep going.

    Some days, it’s:

    Pushups and bodyweight squats Sandbag carries or deadlifts Follow-along yoga (especially on flare-up days)

    I’m doing what I can until I can do more — boxing, parkour, rock climbing — and anything else I’ve been eyeing from a distance to compliment my wrestling and BJJ experience.

    This Regime Isn’t About Aesthetic or Approval

    I don’t train to look pretty. I never cared for makeup or the kind of attention I didn’t ask for. I train to earn the respect I don’t get just for existing. I train to feel comfortable in this body that’s carried pain, loss, anger, and fire for years.

    I don’t believe strength has to mean lifting more weight and just building absolute strength. There’s more to life than that. Sometimes, it’s lifting again — even after days, weeks, months, hell even years, that tried to kill your spirit, body, and break your mind.

    In Conclusion

    You don’t need a gym to be strong.

    You need a reason — even if that reason is rage, pride, spite, or the quiet belief that maybe, just maybe, you’re not done yet.

    For my recurring and quiet readers:

    What’s does strength look like, feel like, to you?

    Not the strength people keep shoving into your face when you don’t agree with it or what people say it is — what it actually means to you.

    You don’t have to comment. But if you’re reading this in silence, still breathing, still getting up, still moving — I see you.

    And if you’re building your own training setup, small or scrappy or silent — tell me about it. Or don’t. Just keep going. That’s enough.

    If this spoke to you, leave a comment — I actually read them. They remind me I’m not alone in this either.” Sharing helps others find this space too. That matters more than you know.

    — The Stratagem’s Archive

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  • More Than Muscle: What Real Strength Looks Like to Me.

    Strength isn’t just about bulging muscles or how much you can lift. It’s not about fitting into some Instagram-perfect mold or checking off a list of “womanly” or “manly” boxes. For me, real strength is something deeper — the kind that makes you stand tall when the world expects you to crumble. It’s the fire that keeps you pushing through pain, doubt, and all the noise telling you you’re not enough. This is how I’d define strength. Not just the physical, but the grit, rage, and pride that build me — every damn day.

    Not Your Idea of Strength: What I’m Really Fighting For.

    I’m not here to fit into anyone’s idea of “strong.” I’m here to be my kind of strong.

    Not just the physical kind — though yeah, I want that too. I want to feel so solid in my own skin that I forget what low self-esteem or doubt even feel like. I want my presence to scream, “I’m here, I can handle my shit”, instead of, “look at that weak, stupid bitch”.

    Growing up, I never asked to be born a girl. I was taught to not cause waves and the things I like(d) were mostly masculine — in fact, I was often told to be quiet, to hold my tongue, to not start things I couldn’t finish. I was expected to fit into a box I never chose.

    But I Refused to Stay Small

    I wanted strength that went beyond appearances — strength to stand tall when everything inside me wanted to collapse. Strength to keep going when my body ached and my mind was exhausted. Strength to say, “fuck this bullshit”, that’s been handed to me just because of my gender or my past.

    I’m proud of the scars on my arms, the callouses on my hands, the pure stubbornness that keeps me fighting even when it’s easier to give up. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve carved out my own space in a world that often tries to minimize people like me.

    This kind of strength isn’t pretty. It’s raw, messy, and sometimes it’s downright ugly. But it’s real. And it’s mine.

    If you’re tired of being underestimated, tired of being the “weak link” in someone else’s story, maybe you’ll find something here too. Maybe it’s time to stop shrinking yourself to fit what others expect and start owning your space, your voice, your story.

    I’m not perfect. I’m angry, messy, and still figuring things out. But I’m here. I’m fighting. And I’m not going anywhere.

    Maybe that’s where real strength begins.

    So here’s to owning your strength, whatever that looks like for you. Whether you’re wrestling with life, pain, or people who underestimate you — don’t let them define your power. Be proud of every scar, every hard-earned callous, and every time you choose to stand when you could have fallen. Because real strength? It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being unbreakable on your own terms. What does strength look like to you?

    If you’ve ever felt underestimated, misunderstood, or overlooked—this one’s for you. How do you reclaim your power?

    If This Resonated…

    Subscribe to the blog — I write about survival, dreaming, burnout, and why we keep going. Leave a comment — even just one word. I’d love to know what this stirred in you. Share this post — maybe someone else needs it too.

    You could also check out my first newsletter, You Heard Me Whisper — And That Means Everything. Or check out my PDF as a thank you from me to you, The Stratagem’s Manifesto

    No spam, no pressure, just sharing things I’ve made since starting this project of mine.

    Other than that, I will see you all later in the archives.

    The Whisper of a Far Off Promise — of Freedom, Choice, and Rest.

    Achievement Unlocked: My First Lock Opened

    Learning to Work With A.I. — Not Let It Think For Me