The Stratagem’s Archive

Category: thought experiment

  • Could We Talk About Relationships?

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    — A Gray Space Reflection

    “You are the sum of the five people you hang out with most.”

    — Alux.com

    I saw this quote again the other day — you know the one. It gets shared a lot in self-help circles, in Instagram carousels, in motivational reels from guys in suits sitting in Lamborghinis. It sounds wise at first. Measurable. Self-assured.

    But then I thought:

    If I don’t hang out with anyone… what does that make me?

    A zero?

    A ghost?

    An undefined variable?

    It’s strange how easily we assign worth to people by who they’re next to — as if your value exists only in relation to others. As if the only way to be someone is to be reflected back by someone else.

    So maybe that’s where I’ll start this.

    Not with answers.

    But with a question:

    Could we talk about relationships?

    What I’ve Seen: Love by Fear, Not by Choice

    A lot of the people I know didn’t fall into love — they fell into fear.

    • Fear of being alone.
    • Fear of being the last one single in the group.
    • Fear of being left behind by people getting married, having kids, “moving on.”
    • Some dated because the person they wanted wanted them back, and that felt rare. Others settled because they thought waiting for something better made them ungrateful.
    • Some slept with people they didn’t really like just to feel something.

    And when it all crashed and burned, they called it a “lesson.”

    But sometimes it didn’t look like a lesson.

    It looked like guilt. Shame. Emotional scars. Unspoken resentment. Children brought into situations where no one was ready. And people — both the leavers and the left — trying to claw their way back to some sense of self they lost trying to “belong” to someone else.

    What Gets Projected Onto Me (That Isn’t Mine to Carry)

    As an asexual woman, I’ve had people assume all kinds of things about me:

    That I’m:

    emotionally repressed, broken, lonely scared of intimacy, secretly gay, or just waiting for the “right” person to fix me.

    And none of those assumptions had anything to do with me.

    They were about them.

    Their own fears. Their own confusion.

    I had a coworker tell me that he, “didn’t want me to wake up at age 32, single, unhappy, and lonely.” We’re the same age, separated by months with him being older, and his words felt very specific.

    I called him out on his words, that it sounds like he’s projecting his own fears onto me, and he never brought relationships up again.

    It’s maddening to me with people’s opinions like that: Their discomfort with someone who isn’t playing the same game — who isn’t treating sex or relationships like the final boss level of life.

    It’s hard to explain that I’m not “missing” something.

    That I’m not holding out.

    That I don’t need to be saved from myself.

    The Anime That Got Me Thinking

    I’ve been watching a show recently:

    “There’s No Freaking Way I’ll Be Your Lover!”

    It’s a yuri harem anime on the surface, but underneath the tropes, it dives into something deeper:

    What’s the line between platonic love and romantic love?

    What happens when someone wants closeness — but not romance?

    In one scene, the main character asks a friend:

    “Do you think there’s a difference between friends and a partner?”

    And without skipping a beat, her friend replies:

    “Romantic relationships are best known by if the person turns you on.”

    That line caught me and the main character off guard— because it was so blunt, so sure of itself.

    It made the answer feel easy. Obvious.

    But then I asked myself:

    If that’s the only difference… then how is that not just “friends with benefits”?

    What separates love from lust?

    And if a friendship holds emotional depth, loyalty, vulnerability, and time — what makes it “less than” a relationship without sex?

    Why is physical desire the gold star we stamp on a bond and call it real?

    Where I Stand: Somewhere in the Gray

    I’ve never been in a relationship — and I used to feel , and made to feel, ashamed of that.

    Not because I felt broken or unwanted…

    but because people made me feel like that fact invalidated my ability to speak on love or connection.

    As if watching people I care about suffer through toxic or empty relationships wasn’t enough evidence to say,

    “Hey… maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

    I’m not a relationship expert.

    But I’ve witnessed a lot of people use each other to hide from themselves.

    And I’ve seen what happens when we pretend sex equals intimacy, and loneliness equals failure.

    The truth is, I don’t think romance is the only way people can feel fulfilled.

    And I don’t think friendship is a lesser love.

    Some of the most meaningful, healing, supportive bonds in my life have had nothing to do with desire, but were just as devastating when betrayed by someone we’ve chose to let into our life.

    They had everything to do with presence. Care. Understanding. Even if they didn’t realize it when things fell apart.

    So, Could We Talk About It?

    Not about “just vibes.”

    Not about rom-com tropes.

    Not about timelines and expectations and who-should-do-what.

    But the real stuff. The questions that don’t always have answers.

    Like:

    • Why do we feel behind if we’re not in a relationship?
    • Why does being wanted sexually feel like a badge of worth?
    • Why do we treat friendship like a stepping stone instead of a destination?
    • Why do people project so much fear onto others who live differently?

    And most of all:

    Why does wanting something deeper than “just don’t be alone” feel so rare to find in others?

    Closing the Loop (Not the Door)

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship.

    I’m not against the idea — I’m just not willing to chase a fantasy that others sold me when I already know it doesn’t fit.

    But I do want connection.

    I want friendship that isn’t afraid of depth.

    Conversations that don’t flinch at honesty.

    Care that isn’t conditional on performance, or looks, or how well I can play a part I didn’t audition for.

    If you’ve ever felt this way too, I hope you know —

    you’re not broken. You’re not late. You’re not alone.

    Maybe you’re just in a gray space like me.

    And maybe gray spaces are where the most honest questions live.

    What about you?

    Have you ever been in a relationship that wasn’t really about love?

    Or had a friendship that meant more than anything else — but didn’t “count” because it wasn’t romantic?

    You don’t have to agree with everything I’ve written — but if something here stirred something in you, feel free to comment, share, like, subscribe, or sit quietly with me for a while.

    Sharing, liking, subscribing might help others like us find their way to this little quiet, gray space of the internet.

    This blog is a gray space. And gray spaces need voices, needs questions and reflection, not just answers.

    Thank you.

  • Travel Solo or Gift Away

    If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?

    If I won 2 free plane tickets, I’m traveling solo and both tickets could be used for two separate locations, then I would fly to Texas to visit family and get to see what farm life is like, a real life “Harvest Moon” experience. From there, I could visit that bookstore, The Painted Porch, in Bastrop, Texas, if I could drive there. If it’s far from my aunty’s farm, then I could experience a roadtrip too.

    Then my next stop would be a coin toss between Tennessee or Minnesota for the Titanic tours I could attend and cross off my travel list from a different prompt answer Leveling Up Exploration Skill IRL:. I don’t care if I could come out more depressed than going in, I want to see the Titanic in real life, even if it’s a replica. It won’t be the same as the real deal, but it’s a history lesson I want to experience.

    Why settle on drinking, drugs, or screen addictions when I could have an existential awakening from witnessing tragedy second hand and then, realize how fragile everything is, do something with myself?

    Otherwise, if I could do anything with these plane tickets, especially if the tickets are valid for traveling anywhere in the world, then I would gift these tickets to my parents. My mom enjoys traveling, so her and my dad could continue traveling, enjoying mini-vacations, while they can before they get swamped or stuck at work. A change in scenery would be nice every now and again, and I’m certain that my parents have more places to visit.

    Better to let them enjoy traveling abroad than me. I could explore at home and have my own adventures outside, no plane ticket required: visit shops I’ve never heard of, volunteer, or go to every library and bookstore that’s open and browse. Yeah, that would be quite the adventure there.

  • How I’d Spend $1 Billion in 24 Hours (A Personal Thought Experiment).

    Financial Freedom On A Timer:

    “If, one day, you wake up and suddenly find someone standing in your sleeping quarters, hand outstretched, and you see an intricately beautiful heavy platinum black card, what would you do? Most likely you’d go back and forth between feeling confused to needing to deal with a potential threat in your home, right? Even if the situation is strange and the stranger in your space hasn’t presented themselves as hostile.

    So, let’s say for the sake of argument, that you remained calm; you’re looking at the card in the stranger’s hand, then up to the stranger’s face. In a calm and even tone the stranger, gesturing to the card, says, “In this card rests 1 Billion dollars ready to be used without delay. The only conditions you have to meet are two: 1)You have 24 hours, upon accepting this card, to use the whole 1 Billion dollars in that time frame; and 2) You are not allowed to purchase any of the same item twice. Should you fail to fulfill these requirements, everything you had purchased will be revoked and you will be left with nothing. Do you accept?”

    If I were to find myself in this situation, truthfully, I would jump at the challenge to see what I would do with 1 Billion dollars. Why would I call this a challenge? Let’s consider a few points: 1) you were told that you literally have 24 hours to spend this money should you accept the card; 2) every purchase will be revoked, taken back, should you fail to spend the entire amount or purchase the same item twice; and 3) I personally struggle to imagine what 1 Billion dollars could look like in real life! I’ve only ever seen over $15,000 at once, in one point in my life. So, excuse me for not having the cognitive bandwidth to see 1,000,000,000 in my mind’s eye.

    Anyways, that is the challenge set before you; what would you do if you were presented with this opportunity? I know that I would take this chance, so, to give you an idea to think about your own choices, I’ll share with you what I would do in this situation.

    Starting From Home:

    Immediately, once that platinum card is in my hand, I’ll set a timer for 24 hours on the dot, then begin the ‘1 Billion Dollar Challenge.’ I would start at home with my immediate family: I’d retire my parents early, giving them 3 million dollars each, then my uncle 3 million to do as he pleases with, and I’d give a budget of 2 million dollars to renovate my grandma’s home; level her property, add extra security, dump and sort through all of the stuff being hoarded in the patio, and become an eco friendly home.

    Extending outward towards other family would be on my mom’s side of the family: I’d give 1 million dollars to my aunties, 3 million to my other grandma so she can finally put herself first after all these years. Then I’d hire a financial institution for $10 million to educate my younger cousins about financial literacy and competency. Maybe reach out to the folks at ‘I Will Teach You To Be Rich’, regardless if my cousins are over 18 or under, I want them to be smarter, competent, and confident with their finances. They’d be capable of taking care of themselves financially, while I’d put 1 million dollars in a trust fund for each of them, even as adults, because I’d want them to rely on themselves and learn than splurge and curse me out for not gifting them more money.

    Expanding Outwards:

    After taking care of my immediate and very close extended family, I’d turn my attention to donating 1 million dollars to every library in the state. All of them. My dad took me to read and borrow books as a kid and I still enjoy libraries and book stores as an adult. Libraries are very valuable, as it is a public and free resource to people who might not have access to the internet or printing services. Books are also valuable, in my opinion, because you can learn from other people without having to have met them in person. Gain their insights and the lessons they learned throughout the years and be able to read it whenever you want.

    Next I would branch out to other outreach programs: 1 million dollars each to the 4 main food banks, 1 million dollars to the Blood Bank, 1 million dollars each to the 5 major affordable housing projects in the state, 20 million dollars split between The American Red Cross, Salvation Army, Hazards Awareness and Resilience Program, and every other natural disaster relief programs. Though I’d use up to 10 million dollars in a great lawyer firm to ensure these funds are being used for as is intended than potentially pocketed by someone on the inside.

    What About Education?

    That is a great question! Education is important, though I am a little biased when it comes to the means of learning. However, one thing that I can understand is tackling debt, any of it. In the state, the student loan debts exceeds 4.7 Billion dollars, WAY more than the allotted amount, but the thing I would do is donate 2 million dollars to pay off the current graduating class’s debt across our universities and community colleges. 1 million would be used for scholarship programs for the next class pursuing higher education, and 1 million dollars to update and improve the current programs and clubs available in the school systems.

    Not just with higher education, but education in general. From pre-school to high school, some kids might not have the means to attend class or have the necessary supplies they need, and I’m a sucker for art and writing supplies. I’d donate 10 million dollars split across all the schools in the state, from every pre-school, elementary school, intermediate school, and high school too. Enough to get the kids what they need and to help parents support their children as well. A little help goes a long way, but I would also likely donate 10 million dollars to the Board of Education, with the help of a great lawyer firm, to update the school’s curriculum, like really? Schools need to be, not only better equipped, but need to practice what they preach too than just preaching their lessons without real substance behind them. But I digress.

    Are We At 1 Billion Yet?

    Okay, so given everything that I put down thus far, let’s see how close I am to hitting 1 Billion dollars. PLEASE, DO NOT FEAR NUMBERS! NUMBERS ARE HELPFUL BY SHOWING YOU WHERE YOU’VE GONE AND BY HOW MUCH!!! Anyways, let’s do some quick calculations:

    • 3 million * 2 (both parents) = 6 million.
    • 3 million * 1 (uncle) = 3 million.
    • 2 million to renovate grandma’s house.
    • 1 million * 3 (aunties) = 3 million.
    • 3 million * 1 (other grandma) = 3 million.
    • 1 million * 10 (cousins) trust fund= 10 million.
    • 10 million towards financial education
    • 1 million * 51 (libraries) = 51 million
    • 1 million * 4 (food banks) = 4 million
    • 1 million towards Blood Bank
    • Split 5 million across 5 housing projects
    • 20 million to HHARP
    • 10 million towards great lawyer firm
    • 2 million towards student loan debts
    • 1 million for scholarship programs
    • 1 million to update school curriculum

    Did I scare anyone away from all of the numbers yet? No? Okay, good, let’s keep going. So, with what I currently have listed above, I would end up with… let me grab my calculator real quick… if I input the numbers correctly, then I would have used $132,000,000. $1,000,000,000 – $132,000,000 =$868,000,000. That would mean that I would have 868 million dollars leftover to use… Man, did I grossly underestimate how much I would allocate money towards each program. These numbers are imaginary to me, even if this is a thought experiment. Guess I have to think harder about what else I could use the money on, huh?

    What To Do With The Remainder?

    I thought long and hard for what to do with the remaining 868 million dollars and, let me tell you, it wasn’t easy coming up with ideas of where to allocate funds towards. It was a constant back and forth between increasing funds in the list above or looking up other obscure charities or something. Then it hit me; where else could the money be used? And I came up with more places to donate money towards, so please bear with me and another list. Here are the other places I had thought of and we’re going to jump straight into bullet points:

    • 2 million towards my part-time job.
    • 2 million towards a BJJ academy I attended.
    • 2 million towards WEBToons content creators. I WANT A LOT OF STORIES I THOROUGHLY ENJOY TO KEEP GOING!!!
    • 2 million to a text based game company called Choice of Games LLC, Hosted Games LLC, and Hearts Choice LLC. (Soon I’ll learn to use their code to make my own game!)
    • 360 million towards improving the state’s infrastructure: roads, bridges, etc. (Road work SUCKS here and needs to get fixed NOW.)
    • 50 million to St. Jude’s children’s hospital.
    • 50 million towards cyber security programs for myself and my family for online and in-person privacy and safety. (DeleteMe, NordVPN, etc)
    • 10 million each to the hospitals across the state.
    • 70 million to hospice and elderly care.
    • 50 million to Alzheimer’s and Dementia research and treatments.
    • 150 million towards outreach programs for other countries in need of food, water, shelter, basic necessities, and to rebuild their lives from the ground up.
    • 50 million towards the cultural centers, history and art museums, memorials, etc.
    • 50 million towards native programs.
    • 6 million to the Humane Society and animal sanctuaries.

    So, let’s run the numbers again and see where I’m at. Time to pull out the calculator! With everything totaled up above at the ‘What To Do With The Remainder?’ Header, it’s going to come out to $867,000,000. So $868,000,000 minus $867,000,000 equals to $1,000,000 leftover. I’d say this is looking pretty good, but what about the remaining $1 million you ask? It’s pretty simple, especially if you had put yourself last for as long as you can remember. However, in my opinion, it’s easier to know what to do with any crazy amount of money when working backwards.

    Now The 1 Million Dollar Question:

    Given that we hadn’t accounted the 24 hour time frame, that’s okay, we can put that on the side for arguments sake. Let’s turn to the, now, $1,000,000 question and what to do with it. I’d say that I would use it for myself and I already know what I would want to do with it, so, below will be my list:

    • Invest $4,750 towards my contributions for 2025.
    • $600 towards a disc and digital PS5 with the disc games: Bloodborne, Elden Ring, Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, and whatever else I’d like to play.
    • $900 towards 3 travel size WiFi router with an encrypted VPN installed for myself and gift my parents. (Spitballing for quality and quantity.)
    • $100,000 towards a 2023-2024 Honda Hatchback Civic Sport, fully paid off, with tinted windows, an adjustable backseat to sleep fully stretched out than scrunched up, with a small collapsible fan, and front and rear dash cams.
    • $100,000 to my Dad to get him a new car, fully paid off, of his choosing and retire his Corolla and the Dart I have.
    • Put $300,000 into my High Yield Savings Account.
    • $300,000 into my 401K if I could put in post tax money. If not, then I’ll open an HSA or something akin to it.
    • $13,750 towards fixing my health, teeth, vision, sleep, nutrition, and overall well being.
    • $20,000 towards improving my wardrobe and clothes. Maybe even work with Cassandra Sethi from Next Level Wardrobe.
    • $1,000 towards getting a new IPad with all of my learning app subscriptions on, including this WordPress app, a stylus, and a drawing program for drawing, making stickers, etc.
    • $3,000 towards solar powered batteries and chargers, USB cords, for home and for my car, 1 case of canned goods, 1 case of potable water, 5 one gallon of varying brands of alkaline water, a propane stove, and varying brands of small propane tanks for potential storms and blackouts.
    • Give $16,000 to the small community I’m currently living in to give back to a closer cause.
    • $300 for the Daily Stoic’s 8 medallion bundle.
    • $39,700 towards updating my bed, desk, chair, portable home gym, and creating my personal portable “villain’s lair in plain sight’ aesthetic I always wanted.
    • $5,000 each to support the works of those I personally follow, but couldn’t do so before: The Bioneer, Jaxblade, HistoryByMae, Tales from the Stinky Dragon, Alayna Joy, Kevin Zhang, Einzelganger, The Daily Stoic, MindValley, and The School of Life.
    • $25,000 to someone who could help me improve my own skill set: writing, WordPress, fitness, nutrition, business, art, and whatever else could help me broaden and bridge my own skills and knowledge gap.
    • $12,000 to pay towards my debts
    • $1,000 budget to buy groceries and necessities for the month.
    • $5,000 for my dogs to have durable and warm beds, replace their kennels to be able to withstand rain and wind and heat, and give them better quality dog food.
    • $5,000 to support my cousin’s local pet store.
    • $1,000 into my ‘use this’ savings.
    • $1,000 to take my family out to a nice dinner. Maybe Red Lobster or Cheesecake Factory, while using the remainder to use as a tip.

    Pretty much, with the last 1 million dollars, this is how I would split the money up. Even though I gave money to other people, it’s still my choice, and there are debts that I would like to pay back and this is how I would want to do it.

    What Was The Point Of This?

    That is another excellent question, thank you for asking it! The reason this whole article came to be was because I had seen a video on YouTube called, “COULD YOU SPEND $1 BILLION IN 24 HOURS” by Alux.com and it gave me something to think about. I had encountered this first from Ramit Sethi’s ‘I Will Teach You To Be Rich Journal’ where the questions asked, ‘what would you do if you came into a windfall of $1,000’? Of $100,000? Although, $1 Billion was a more exciting and challenging number to think over than $100,000, don’t you think?

    The possibilities at your fingertips, the creativity that could spawn if you stopped and gave things some thought than none eat all, can be very enlightening. Enlightening how? You see, everything above had been a culmination of days, maybe even weeks, of ruminating, drafting, figuring out what I value, and it was a struggle when I got my family taken cared of first.

    This thought experiment can show you what you value and in what order of importance you’d put them in. I’m not saying that you should put yourself down for prioritizing some things and people over others, no one is wrong unless what you value does harm to other people. Then that can be harshly judged, but, again, I digress and I’m biased. Personally, this was easier for me to work backwards anyways and I know that I wouldn’t need or want too much stuff anyways.

    I know what I like: video games, comics, books ranging from finances, philosophy, psychology, fitness, and high fantasy (which I still have a huge backlog to get through)even books that push me to think about the other side of the argument, pens, notebooks, stickers, mechanical pencils, colored pencils, listening to music, taking a walk around the block, supporting those who supported me, being supportive in general, having my own space and privacy and autonomy in person and online, and accessories from games, and I make sure that I’m building up an emergency fund, investing in my retirement.

    The point here is that giving something like this some thought not only shows you what your values are, it presents an opportunity to start planning. To think about the building a solid foundation, an actionable plan, to ensure that these ideas can become reality than simple wishful thinking. For example, if I wanted to take my family out to eat at a decent restaurant, then I’d have to plan out how much money I’d like to accumulate, how long it would take to build up if I put aside $50 per paycheck, and then set up a reservation somewhere where everyone is off from work and able to hang out.

    If I wanted to support the Blood Bank, then I’d see where the closest donation center would be and give blood once or twice a year; If I wanted to support the libraries and book foundations, just like with the family dinner example, I could volunteer my time or donate money to help keep the place running however I could with my current salary. You start with where you currently are and can start to ask yourself questions, like; ‘if I could do this for longer and contribute more, then what could I do to increase my [volunteering time, donations, etc.]? What could I do now that would get me closer to X and Y? I had started a “charity envelope” where I would put in $20/biweekly or per month, if I could spare it, so I could eventually choose where to donate it to.

    No small thing is ever inconsequential as they eventually lead up to bigger things. Give this thought experiment a try! If $1 billion is too much then work backwards to move forwards:

    • What if I came into an extra $100? What would I do with that money and how could I earn this?
    • What about $1,000?
    • $5,000 cash windfall?
    • $10,000 is in your possession?
    • $100,000? $1,000,000? Until you reach $1 billion in real life?

    While we might not have 24 hours to burn through whatever money we earn or gain, it’s all about perspective, planning, adjusting, and taking action because we will never know where life will take us or how it’ll end. But if we never gave something a try, then the answer will be an elusive and could crushing, “I wish I had done X or gave Y a shot when I had the chance. So, take that chance now while you still can. Who knows where things could lead, when, and how. Thank you so much for reading! Stay tuned for the next one.

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