The Stratagem’s Archive

Category: Personal growth

  • Living Alone Didn’t Feel Like Freedom the Way I Thought It Would

    School and Family Can’t Prepare You For This Stage of Adulthood

    Living on your own is a very interesting experience.

    Maybe you’ve lived with family for years, you were probably using the dorms through college life, but, outside of polished and safe environments, exist, “THE VOID.”

    The Void, as I’ve elegantly termed this experience, is where I’ve gotten knocked in the teeth real fast because no one has ever prepared me for what I was experiencing.

    Sure, my parents made me:

    • Wash dishes
    • Cook
    • Clean my room
    • Wash clothes
    • Taught me how to pay my bills

    But, being the first and only person who has to do every domestic home chore, on top of working, hobbies, and caring for myself, was not what overwhelmed me.

    I was overwhelmed by the experience of learning more about myself in this year long process.

    What Inspired Me to Move Out?

    Last year, I had the impulse to want to move out of my grandma’s house and live on my own.

    This wasn’t planned.

    It wasn’t something I had saved for, let alone earned enough for without stressing about rent.

    It was a spur of the moment where I thought to myself, “What would it be like to live on my own?”

    And the process went on from there.

    I was very thankful that I was able to afford my first studio.

    Trust me; its not easy living on your own in a HCOL state like Hawaii, where I didn’t need my parents to co-sign for me, on my $40k/annual salary, without roommates(I HATE sharing spaces), and as a single person.

    My emergency fund was just under $2k, my rent was $1.2k-$1.3k/month, including monthly utilities, and I brought home maybe $2.2k-$2.4k/month. On good months mind you.

    I was in charge of cleaning my open floor room, cooking my own food, taking care of my health, and working.

    No pressure, right?

    Domestic tasks were never my issue.

    The silence was.

    It Was The Quiet and Lack of Safety That Unsettled Me

    I grew up with my family living in a ghetto area where:

    • People were blasting music constantly,
    • revving their motorcycles or cars in the dead of night,
    • our dogs barking because people were walking near the fence,
    • Emergency services showed up often across the street
    • People used to steal our mangoes from our mango tree often
    • and my dad had sleep apnea, so his snoring kept me awake some nights because I thought he was dying in his sleep.

    When I moved out, I lost a lot of security measures:

    • No fence separating me from people outside
    • My bed is more than several feet away from the door
    • I would get anxious that someone would bust down my door every night
    • And no parents around in case something happened

    I used to lie awake in bed, trying to fill my apartment with soft music or ambience, but nothing stuck.

    I felt extremely vulnerable and needing to eventually get more safety measures for just in case.

    While I do have a camera facing the door from the side, my wooden dowel and my own self can only fend off attackers so long before I might end up either hospitalized or dead.

    Once you start living by yourself, then you can judge whether I’m paranoid or being realistic about my circumstances.

    Then Comes The Neighbors

    By the time you cross the threshold that officially means you are considered, “your own person,” is when you get your own apartment.

    It doesn’t have to be huge.

    It doesn’t need fancy gyms, a pool or a bar.

    Honestly, as long as you have your own:

    • Parking stall
    • Electricity
    • Water
    • In-house laundromat

    Then you are good and set for your lease term.

    Right?

    Sadly, while having your own place is amazing, people will make you wish you had a lot of money to move out REALLY FAST.

    At home, I used to have quiet neighbors, then the loud music blasting ones that didn’t bother us too much, and no one had much issues there.

    Everyone was familiar with each other.

    My apartment complex told a different story because everyone keeps to themselves.

    Fair enough.

    I do too.

    What I hated over the course of living here was people using my parking stall when I’m away at work and I’m coming home, barely able to keep my eyes open from sitting in traffic for hours at a time, to see I can’t even come home, park, shower, eat, and fuck off to sleep without constantly seeing inconsiderate people.

    When Things Are Okay, Then Life Reminds You That Logistics Wear You Down FAST

    It’s like coming home and you see cars parked in your driveway because your neighbors tell their friends and family, “they’re not home, just park there,” EVERY SINGLE DAY!

    Not only am I dealing with the logistics of:

    • Rent
    • Groceries
    • Bills
    • Debts
    • Traffic
    • And work

    I have had the displeasure to have to deal with people NOT my family who are: inconsiderate and take my damn assigned parking stall when I’m at work, who pound on the walls every day at ungodly hours of the day, and not to mention that every time I went to my apartment complex’s management team, they’ve only:

    • Sent out emails to residents to not have guests park in residents parking
    • Residents are left to handle their own issues— I had to submit a report regarding my parking had been taken for over several hours, after I had come home from work already stressed out—and my stall was only freed up because I had contacted the cops for a non-emergency to ask where the law could and couldn’t help me. The person only moved when the cops helping me were looking into the vehicle.
    • There are no signs saying non-residents will be towed for being pricks and be like, “this stall is open, so it’s free real estate. Residents can fuck off because move your feet, lose your seat,” somehow applies to this fucking situation.
    • And my only solution had been to keep submitting reports, take pictures, and HOPE the towing company comes down on time to tow the offending car elsewhere.

    I did exactly that: took pictures, filed a report, and I waited HOURS for a tow truck who never came.

    It’s ridiculous!

    Having police present finally sent the message that this is serious, but it didn’t have to escalate to cops.

    I just wanted to know what I could and couldn’t do legally because everything I’ve done through the proper channels hasn’t helped and I kept hitting wall after wall of services of: we can’t do this, or I’ll have to pay a fee because gas prices are just squeezing everyone at this point.

    Living Alone Puts Compounded Stress and Responsibility Back Onto YOU

    Work is physically draining and emotionally numbing; bills and debts are financially crushing; and people will make your life harder.

    Not like the kind of, “family makes your life harder because they care about you,” hard.

    It’s, “I fucking hate my situation and wished I had a lot of money or could do remote work, just to keep what little bit of peace and autonomy I have left protected,” kind of hard.

    And don’t even get me started on living next to schools either!

    I’ve gotten used to timing when to get home after work because all of the parents had finally picked their kids up and I made time to go to the gym. But the other thing about schools are other developmental issues that keep making living on my own, AND IN THIS COMPLEX, more stressful.

    Unnecessary New Businesses Keep Adding to Existing Traffic and Headaches

    A Sonic opened up literally next door to my studio a few days ago.

    A stone’s throw away, and the line to get into the drive-thru takes up one full lane and it blocks residents from doing regular driving.

    Thanks to the people who are blocking the road, the upside? I only have to cross 3 lanes of traffic instead of 4.

    The downside? People park their cars in my unit’s residential stalls to walk over to Sonic and never come back for hours.

    Every time I come home I can feel my stress levels escalating because:

    1. Sonic isn’t that good. I have better options elsewhere in the area
    2. People are curious and have devil-may-care attitudes, not respecting that people live in the complex next door, is infuriating
    3. I keep having to park somewhere else and stress myself into having a heart attack at how ridiculous having my peace constantly shattered.

    Eventually, the Sonic craze will die down, like it did for Raising Cane’s, but when? How long do I have to keep tolerating this stupidity? Why must my peace be broken for someone else’s?

    I have yet to figure out the answers to these questions, but I now know several things about myself.

    Before You Move Out, Do These Things First

    My situation will look very different from yours if you are planning to move out and find your own place.

    Thats a given.

    But, I wish I did this before I moved out, there are a few things you should consider first:

    What Areas Are You Looking Into?

    Where I live now is very close to my other grandma’s house, 30 minutes away from the grandma’s house I moved out of, and roughly 30-50+ minutes away from my job varying by traffic.

    At the time I moved in, I had to deal with the normal school and work traffic, and not much else.

    The area is quiet, except for dogs rarely barking, there are several fast food restaurants, grocery stores, and gas stations very close to me. I’m also paying for the outside amenities that were present in the area.

    Had I known I was gonna be living between 2 schools, I think I would have not moved in, because I have no kids of my own, but impulsivity won regardless.

    I wished that I researched what was in the vicinity of my studio. It probably would have helped me make informed decisions instead of moving in because I could.

    Next time ask what matters more to where you are thinking of moving into: Is it near schools, near public transportation, close to work? Anything else that would make it be worth living at this specific place versus others?

    Can You Reasonably Afford Living Here?

    I’m using my credit cards to pay for my rent, I’m still saving and investing every Friday, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

    While I am very thankful that I didn’t need roommates to live with me and split the rent, but that might be a reality you might face.

    So, rules of thumb to consider:

    • Make sure you know what kind of person/people you’ll be rooming with. If you can’t stand slobs, thieves, or people bringing their partners over constantly, then you’ll need to either compromise or look elsewhere.
    • How will you split the responsibilities between roommates?
    • What will happen if someone doesn’t contribute or pull their weight? Who gets the final say?

    Everyday I worry that I won’t be able to keep living in my studio, headaches included, and I’ve cut out a lot of things: BJJ classes, hobbies not video games, hanging out with people, etc.

    While saving and investing is still a molasses slow process, if I could do things over again, then I would have made sure that I had more money saved in case work slowed down again and moving out becomes inevitable.

    Can You See Yourself Living Here Long Term?

    While I’m currently moving into my 2nd year of living on my own, I’m not sure if I can see myself living in this particular complex another year.

    Thats my opinion.

    My current studio is a temporary home base; My things are here, I get to do things on my own without fighting someone to get out of the bathroom when I have to go, small pieces of mind.

    If management enforcement is weak and I’m tired of having to deal with issues myself over my parking and peace of mind, then I better make sure that I pay off my debts, save more money, and look into other places that might fit me better.

    The Reality Of Independence Comes With Constant Costs

    Am I saying that I’m not gonna have issues moving elsewhere?

    Of course not.

    However, I’d rather live away from schools and I don’t have to keep getting pissed about my parking stall, one of the things that I’ve explicitly pay for and is assigned to me, constantly being taken by parents picking up their kids or other residents inviting their family over to hang out and sleep over while I’m at work, at the gym, or just doing errands.

    That is something I’ve identified since living on my own.

    Every day life becomes maintenance and trying to not lose your shit.

    I still lose my shit, I still hope that I finally figure out how to earn money online, or get a higher paying job to get out of the school zone.

    Either way, if you think being independent and living on your own gets you out of your family’s business, I can assure you that I’d rather deal with my family than strangers any day.

    If You Made It To The End

    If anything I’ve written here resonated with you or you know someone who thinks moving out will solve all of their problems, feel free to like or share this with someone who needs more consideration than vibes and wishful thinking.

    You can even click on this Tiny Wave Button below to let me know you can understand or relate to the struggles of adulthood. It’ll take you to my Ko-fi, and even a visit tells me a person came by.

    Tiny Wave 👋

    I have written other articles regarding:

    I welcome you all to explore what the archives has to offer.

    Otherwise, if you want to see if The Stratagems Archive aligns with you, then please start from the very beginning: The Stratagem’s Archive: Start Here

    Otherwise, I will see you all later in the archives!

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  • Stop the Spiral: How Writing Turns Overthinking into Action

    Writing Made Space to Think, Not Spiral

    It’s tough being a chronic overthinker.

    Your mind is anxious.

    Thoughts feel endless—until you write them down.

    Writing makes space.

    Mental spirals were never in charge.

    You were.

    Overthinking convinced you otherwise.

    The Struggle To “Write What I Mean”

    Writing wasn’t something that came naturally.

    Everything I wrote came from how I felt.

    It started as a way to process grief, then became how I expressed myself.

    150 posts later, and my work felt empty.

    Staring at a blank page didn’t magically fill it with words.

    My writing had to change.

    That meant trying something new.

    How I Started Changing Writing Directions With Copywriting

    Improving my writing was intimidating.

    Years of writing a certain way felt comfortable.

    But if I wanted to grow my blog, I had to push myself.

    I started using prompts—not the ones from WordPress Reader, but the classic “sell me this pen” kind.

    I enjoy storytelling, but like modern movies, my writing had too many extra words.

    Here’s a prompt I tried with ChatGPT to sell Bloodborne:

    “Become a real life Van Helsing with Bloodborne.

    Hunt in a gothic Victorian era with monsters, mobs, and a beast plague rolled into one.

    Want to experience what H.P. Lovecraft feared?

    Insight lets you see the Eldritch horrors in Yharnam.

    You will lose your mind long before you end their lives.

    Bloodborne—be the hunter you dreamed of becoming.”

    According to ChatGPT, this could be tighter. Here’s a revised version:

    “Step into the shoes of a real-life Van Helsing with Bloodborne.

    Hunt in a gothic Victorian world filled with monsters, mobs, and plague.

    Dare to see what H.P. Lovecraft feared?

    Experience the Eldritch horrors of Yharnam.

    Your mind will shatter long before your enemies do.

    Bloodborne—become the hunter you’ve always dreamed of.”

    Now, this would convince me to play.

    This Was How I Needed to Change My Writing

    Every prompt started messy—but progress was emerging.

    The shift? Write as a reader, not a blogger.

    Ask yourself: What would actually convince someone to care?

    That uncomfortable feeling—you’ve done everything right:

    Write. Revise. Publish.

    …and still feel behind.

    Yeah, it’s brutal.

    If you want to get better, you need two things: practice and exposure.

    Keep writing—and let your work be judged.

    Without writing, there’s nothing to judge.

    Without judgment, your work doesn’t grow.

    No judgment. No growth.

    Your Turn: A Prompt to Try

    Want to practice what I just shared? Try this:

    Prompt: “Sell me your favorite game, hobby, or skill in 4–5 sentences. Focus on why you love it—and why someone else should too.”

    Post it in the comments below, or write it in your own journal. Share your struggles, your wins, and what surprised you about your own writing.

    Enjoyed this post?

    Like, subscribe, and share with a friend who overthinks everything.

    Comment your prompt attempt below—I’d love to see what you create.

    Your restless mind is welcome here. Keep writing. Keep exploring.

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    If this post helped you think, smile, or overthink a little less, feel free to give a tiny wave. Your support keeps the archives alive!

    Tiny Wave 👋

    Want to see what those 150 articles hold? Get firsthand experience what an overthinking mind is capable of. Visit The Stratagem’s Archive: Start Here homepage for more posts.

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  • The Myth of Progress: How Endurance Keeps You Afloat but Never Lets You Thrive

    What If You Were Doing Everything Right And Still Running In Place?

    I’ve been circling this thought for years. The months leading up to now have been brutal — because it goes against nearly every piece of advice I’ve ever been given:

    “If you endure long enough, you’ll be rewarded with progress.”

    But the reason I keep returning to this thought is simple:

    I have been enduring.

    For a long time.

    I’ve done what’s supposedly considered “right”:

    • Automatically saving.
    • Automatically investing.
    • Paying my bills on time.
    • Cleaning my apartment once a week.
    • Working out two to three times a week.
    • Canceling subscriptions that no longer serve me.
    • Cutting out friendships that were dragging more than elevating.

    On paper, this is stability.

    In practice, it’s maintenance.

    Because the thing that keeps dragging me back onto the same treadmill — over and over — is my job.

    I’ve been at the warehouse for four years. It’ll be five soon.

    And no matter how disciplined I become outside of work, it keeps kicking me in the teeth.

    Everyone Else Seems to Be Moving Ahead, Except Me

    My job at the warehouse has been cutting back on hours — our freight volume decreased — and money has become the source of a lot of people’s anxiety lately.

    It’s the same old stories you hear:

    • We’re not making our hours.
    • How am I supposed to pay my bills?
    • Would I be able to get another job?

    But the stories that always cut me the deepest are when coworkers start saying they’re either looking for a new job, today is their last day, or they’re moving into a newer position.

    It felt like someone stabbed me in the head.

    It’s not jealousy.

    It doesn’t feel like envy.

    It’s grief.

    I’m grieving because the coworkers who made work bearable are leaving.

    I’m grieving because I waited for my turn to leave, but I’m still stuck waiting because I was told waiting would lead to progress.

    A Job Process That Convinced Me That Waiting Was a Virtue

    I’ve been trying to get into CBP for two years; I’ve been waiting for the next part of the process after completing the physical and medical exams, and it’s been quiet since.

    As I was undergoing the process — after failing my first attempt with the home exams — I thought I was making progress and doing something else with myself.

    The CBP officers I used to work with at my job told me the government process is very slow and it would take time to get through the next steps.

    Their advice?

    Wait until the process said you can’t continue.

    So, I waited — because I was told that waiting was the reasonable and responsible thing to do next.

    The Waiting is Hurting Me as Much as Enduring Has

    The CBP hiring process is out of my hands, so I pushed the thought of it into the back of my mind and forgot about it for months.

    That is, until a coworker reminded me that I was trying to get into a government job.

    He mentioned leaving to become a correctional officer and that he was taking the test when he got home from work.

    The fact that he was already undergoing the process told me that he was serious about leaving.

    I felt the knife in my head twist sharper.

    What am I supposed to do now?

    Everyone else is leaving, making progress, tackling new challenges and opportunities, and I’m… jogging in place.

    What This Feels Like in a Moving Body Going Nowhere

    When you’re jogging in place, it feels as though nothing you’ve been doing is making things better.

    When progress doesn’t arrive after a long span of effort, even meaningful and creative work feels suspiciously like coping.

    I hate that it feels like that.

    I’ve finally stabilized my life; I made sure my foundations weren’t going to collapse from under me, but now trying to go past the stabilizing phase feels like I’m trying to drag a ton of weight on my back and blaming myself when the weight drags me instead.

    I’ve been paying the price of being responsible, being patient, and everything is showing up in my day-to-day:

    • I get up at 2 a.m.
    • I get to work by 4 a.m.
    • I sleep in my car before my shift to get parking.
    • I barely eat, but it’s canned food or spicy noodles rather than home-cooked meals.
    • I’m still awake staring at my iPad screen or at my ceiling at 11 p.m. – 12 a.m.

    I can’t trust myself to bother trying something new because everything I built would destabilize faster than it took me to stabilize.

    Not because I failed, or didn’t try hard enough; I’ve done all of that and more.

    But each habit that kept me alive, kept me from collapsing from my constraints, became my own self-contained prison.

    And yet my mind is screaming for movement, while my body likes keeping things the same.

    The mismatch between my body wanting to remain in place and my mind screaming, “this can’t be all there is to my life,” wants to move.

    My mind wants evidence that everything I’ve been working on, and working towards, wasn’t for nothing.

    However, I don’t know what my next step is.

    What This Feeling is Doing to Me

    When my constraints and stability have been long overdue for payment, I haven’t been able to see beyond my today.

    The future is terrifying. It has many unknowns, and it could collapse the very floor under my feet if I fail to plan ahead.

    But plan for what?

    Where am I supposed to go next?

    What else could I be doing?

    Too many questions, so few answers, and I can’t even begin to imagine what small step I could take to lift 1–5% of this weight off of my back.

    I’ve learned that showing up keeps the weight from crushing me, but it doesn’t automatically lift it.

    That part is still mine to figure out.

    If You Made It to The End

    If this landed for you in any way:

    You don’t need to explain it or respond.

    Quiet Nod
    Tiny Wave 👋

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  • Oh, Ho, Ho, Ho, No! The Christmas Tree From October Came Back: Time For Panic Reflecting and Things I’ve Learned in 2025

    It Was Signaling The Beginning of An Inevitable End

    That Christmas tree I saw at work back in October was a menace. We didn’t get to Halloween or Thanksgiving when it came through on the conveyor belt and, once it was sorted and shipped to wherever it needed to go, it was out of sight and out of mind.

    This was when I talked about having, One Foot in the Grave and a Christmas Tree in My Face. 

    Good times. Good times.

    Now, that damn inflatable Christmas tree returned with a vengeance.

    And it brought friends….

    • Existential dread.
    • Time blindness.
    • Another year is ending.
    • WHERE DID THE TIME GO!?!? Panic mode activated.

    And that was only the beginning of my stomach dropping.

     I started seeing reindeer antlers on cars; Nightmare Before Christmas decorations strung up at people’s houses; Christmas carols blasting in the stores on constant loop from hell; and crowds of people scrambling to do their Christmas shopping. I’ll be at the store picking up broccoli and distilled white vinegar and end up thinking, what the fuck have I been doing in 2025? 

    Though I usually wait until I get home to spiral out of my mind. I don’t need to embarrass myself further in public for not having any “cheer” in my body, much less about dreading the new year drop kicking its way in soon.

    Reflecting Without Spiraling: Anything Worth Patting Myself on the Back For?

    This is a legitimate question—not just for shits and giggles. I personally struggle with accomplishments and recognition, even from personal achievements.

    I NEED to see whether or not my life moved a little away from previous years, else my feedback loop from Hell will scoff and mutter, loser, under its breath.

    So, Fellow Archivists, let’s review what we’ve been doing throughout 2025 together. Silently for you guys, unless you want to share, but publicly for me.

    Let’s Count What Was Different This Year

    Alright, let’s do this bullet point style. The things I’ve accomplished this year that I can say I’m kinda proud of have been:

    • Moving into my own studio.
    • Living on my own for 7 months so far.
    • Got a second job I really like.
    • Built and sustained The Stratagems Archive for 6 months.
    • Made 50 blog cards.
    • Wrote 120+ blog posts.
    • 17 wonderful subscribers—now known Fellow Archivists.
    • The cerebral Fellow Archivists who visit and reflect among themselves.
    • The amazing 44 people who downloaded my experimental PDFs.
    • The incredible 35 people who thought this blog was worth sharing on social media.
    • Wrote 5 Letters from the Void Newsletter articles.
    • Wrote 3 downloadable PDFs.
    • Made 6 stickers.
    • Made 1 personal hoodie.
    • Paid off 1 major credit card debt I carried for 7 months.
    • Got into lock sport/lock picking.
    • Learned to code for 31 days before stopping.
    • Canceled a lot of paid subscriptions I wasn’t using anymore.
    • Gave up friendships that were draining.
    • Slowly re-entering BJJ after nearly 1 year away.
    • Working hard to fund this blog from scratch.

    Yeah, I’m not really sure what else to put down. This list is looking rather long, but I can say that the years prior to 2025, I couldn’t even list 1 thing that felt like I did something that was worth sharing or celebrating. 

    This year’s Christmas reflection has given me a lot of opportunities to say, this year is going to be different, and I actually did something about it.

    Does my list look like I’m coping? Well, yes and no. 

    I’ve been pretty good at making sure my personal obligations have been taken cared of. But does anything I’ve been doing pushing me forward? I haven’t been given enough room to see that yet. 

    It’s not a bad thing, but I’m still in this weird in-between space where I’m not personally drowning, but I’m not completely above water just yet. However, I’ve managed to get a small bubble of air to breathe a little more than I ever gave myself in the last 10+ years.

    Honestly, never in my life would I think anyone would read anything I wrote or try out anything I made and that’s one of the main things that made this year different.

    Not just the blog itself, the late nights and early mornings, the emotional numbness and physical flatness. The fact real people came over quietly and gave this space a chance? Means much more to me than anything I could ever give back for people being here in the void and existing.

    Reflection Questions For You, Fellow Archivists

    Reflection Questions for you Fellow Readers

    • When did you first notice this year felt different—even if you couldn’t explain why at the time?

    • What did you keep doing this year, even when no one was watching or cheering?

    • Which effort of yours feels “small” on paper but took everything you had to sustain?

    • What did you build or maintain quietly, without knowing if it would ever pay off?

    • Where were you mostly coping this year—and where, even briefly, were you moving forward?

    • What didn’t collapse in your life, even though it easily could have?

    • If you made a list like this one, what would surprise you by being longer than expected?

    • What would it mean to acknowledge progress without turning it into pressure for “more”?

    • What part of this year are you still too close to fully appreciate?

    • If next year only asked for continuity—not transformation—what would you want to keep?

    You don’t have to answer every single question, unless you want to, but a lot has happened this year that I didn’t want to cut out a lot of questions just to keep this list short.

    In Conclusion 

    2025 has been an interesting year and it will soon come to a close. I could have written this post closer to Christmas or New Years, but it was worth saying this sooner than later.

    Given that I don’t have a consistent posting schedule, I figured let’s get this out of the way and look into the future for whats next for The Stratagem’s Archive and for myself, The Archivist, of this lovely little corner of the internet.

    I still haven’t gotten my shit together, I still don’t know what I’m doing, I have no idea where my life or my blog is heading, but that’s mostly the point of The Stratagem’s Archives.

    Everyday I have to remind myself what I wrote on the back of my blog card because that is how I see life.

    “Life is an experiment: I’m here for the data and the fallout.”

    How else am I, or any of us, supposed to keep entertained for the following years?

    Thank You Fellow Archivists

    If you made it to the end, I’m really grateful all of you for spending your time here in The Stratagem’s Archives. If you would like to like, subscribe, share, or reflect silently with yourselves, then it would be much appreciated, however you found your way here.

    Until next time, I will see you all in the archives.

    2026, here we go!

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  • My 1-Month Primal Queen Experiment Review: What I’ve Learned So Far

    What Did I Notice In The Past Month?

    After one month of taking Primal Queen, I wanted to reflect honestly—not on hype, but on what actually changed, what didn’t, and what I still need more time to understand.

    Truthfully? I didn’t notice much.

    I’ve been going through the motions of my day-to-day instead of noticing any changes in my mood, energy, and overall health because my mind was more focused on making sure I took my supplements twice a day, instead of what’s happening internally with my body.

    Even though I chose to pursue this experiment for one month—AFTER my Ma told me to start taking Primal Queen because it helped her within weeks—I’m taking things one step at a time because maybe I’m the dud instead of the supplement being the dud this time.

    According to their pamphlet and website, in one month I should experience a “likely reduction in iron deficiency leading to increased vitality, sex drive, and overall well-being.”

    While I didn’t notice anything yet, my parents offered me lovely feedback about what they did notice:

    • I’ve been less cranky
    • I’ve been less irritable

    I’ve been more fluent in speaking and understanding my parents, which means my resting bitch face has softened slightly—a win in itself.

    Thanks, Ma and Dad.

    So, I guess that means I’m getting one step closer to becoming a real-life superhero, right?

    Even with their feedback, I really can’t jump to conclusions. My daily habits were still in play:

    • I don’t eat often
    • I stay up late and wake up throughout the night
    • I feel groggy in the morning
    • I still feel like I don’t want to be anywhere else, except home
    • I still make time to train twice a week for my personal training goals.

    By the time I started this experiment, I was skeptical. I couldn’t attribute how my cycle felt in November to either being a good month or the supplement kicking in.

    Tracking my progress was tedious, and doing so while on vacation came at a slight cost. Nothing major, but it did affect my personal data collection.

    We were constantly on the go—walking, standing, getting onto packed trains and buses, and navigating crowds of people. I didn’t take my Primal Queen supplement for four days because we weren’t eating throughout the day.

    Honestly, missing a few days didn’t ruin the experiment at all. Life gets in the way, things don’t go according to plan, and a little adjustment and leniency go a long way to seeing whether this experiment is helpful in the long run.

    However, much like the expectations I laid out in my first article,My 1-Month Primal Queen Experiment: Tracking Real Results and Supplement Effects 2 Weeks In, I’m not going to blindly listen to my parents claim this supplement is the end-all-be-all.

    A little progress goes a long way, but I need to make sure the supplement is helping me with mood, energy levels, iron deficiency, and flow—and that I’m not sabotaging it with poor habits—before exclaiming, “this shit didn’t work.”

    Many supplements I’ve tried in the past were failures after months of trial and error.

    If You Made It to the End

    If you found this reflection helpful or interesting, I invite you to like, subscribe, or share it with someone who might enjoy it.

    Or If this landed for you in any way:

    You don’t need to explain it or respond.

    Quiet Nod

    Explore More of The (Primal) Archives

    Gifts of The Archives

  • My Quest to Pre-GMB Certification Bio: Learning to Be Chaotic Life Strong, Not Just Gym Strong

    Author’s Note:

    For the record, GMB stands for Gold Medal Bodies — a movement-based training organization that focuses on building strength, mobility, and control that actually works in real life, not just inside a gym.

    Before I pursue their Level 1 Coach certification (because yes, I’m seriously considering it and want to level up my repertoire), I wanted to document where I’m starting from, what I’ve learned the messy way, and why this path even makes sense for someone like me.

    This is less a résumé and more a field report from the chaos trenches.

    ⸻

    Learning to Be Chaotic Life Strong, Not Athlete Strong

    I’ve had a lot of time to play with different training programs: boxing-inspired circuits, football conditioning, wrestling drills, bro-splits, calisthenics routines, you name it. My logic was simple:

    If I trained like an athlete, maybe I’d become stronger, faster, and harder to mess with — even as a regular person.

    And to be fair, I did get stronger.

    But… then real life slapped me in the face.

    I’d get winded pushing a grocery cart up a slight incline.

    I’d struggle carrying my groceries out of the cart, into the car, out of the car, up the steps, and into the house.

    I’d finish a “monster workout” only to be absolutely useless at my actual job.

    It was embarrassing, despite being the only one who knew this.

    I was young, healthy, training hard…

    And I couldn’t perform basic human tasks without feeling like I was about to collapse.

    What was wrong with me?

    Turns out nothing was “wrong.” I just discovered that the way I was training — and the way most people train — doesn’t transfer well to real life.

    That realization hit me like a medicine ball to the ribs.

    Suddenly, I had a swarm of uncomfortable questions:

    • How does bench-pressing more than my bodyweight help me haul trash bags or move boxes at work?

    • How does eating “clean” 24/7 help me reach my goals if I’m miserable, under-fueled, and ready to bite someone?

    • Why is my “gym strength” not showing up when I actually need it?

    It was distressing. Everything I “knew” about fitness felt flimsy.

    Because what if I wasn’t training for:

    • the NFL

    • the UFC

    • the Olympics

    • the military

    • or any other institution that requires an identity and lifestyle I don’t want?

    What if all I wanted was to be capable, mobile, adaptable, and strong in the weird, unpredictable ways my life expects from me?

    What then?

    That question — what then? — kickstarted five years of experimentation, logging, testing, failing, recovering, and trying again.

    Some days I trained intensely.

    Some days I did active rest.

    Some days I said “fuck this” and didn’t train for weeks.

    All of it went into the log.

    Because all of it was data.

    ⸻

    How Shows Like Physical 100 Broke My Brain (in a Good Way)

    A huge part of why I’m pursuing this style of training came from watching shows like:

    • Physical 100 (Korea)

    • Physical: Asia

    • Siren: Survive the Island

    They exposed how incomplete athletic training can be depending on the demands.

    CrossFitters struggled with grip tasks.

    Bodybuilders gassed out.

    Martial artists couldn’t always apply leverage under unusual constraints.

    People who looked like “monsters” on paper were suddenly ordinary.

    And some people — including a few women — surprised me by pushing back against bigger, stronger opponents.

    It was fascinating.

    It also validated the exact questions I’d been asking myself.

    Because even with all my job demands (heavy lifting, pushing thousands of pounds of product, long hours on my feet) I don’t think I would survive half of Physical 100’s challenges.

    But I want to.

    Not to win.

    Just to see what I’m capable of.

    Just to show up and make it difficult for someone to run me over.

    GMB’s approach — strength + mobility + control + adaptability — clicked perfectly with that goal.

    ⸻

    Why I’m Writing This as a Pre-Certification Bio

    This isn’t a “look how fit I am” intro.

    This is:

    • the starting line

    • the messy context

    • the real-life background that traditional fitness ignores

    • and the mindset behind why I want to be a coach in the first place

    I’m not trying to become an athlete.

    I’m trying to become chaotic life strong — resilient, adaptable, useful, capable in unpredictable environments, and confident in how my body moves through the world.

    And confidently push a grocery cart up the smallest of inclines too.

    GMB feels like the right framework to refine what I already know and fill in the gaps I’ve collected through years of experimenting alone.

    So this is my pre-GMB bio — where I’m coming from, what I’ve realized, and what I’m heading toward next.

    Reflection Questions for Your Own Training Journey

    Before you bounce, take a minute to check in with yourself:

    • Are you training for the life you actually live, or the life you think you should be living?

    • Do your workouts make your real-life tasks easier — or just make you tired on top of tired?

    • Where are you strong on paper but weak in practice?

    • What tasks in your daily or job life expose the gaps in your fitness?

    • What part of you wants to become “chaotic life strong” — and what’s stopping you from exploring it?

    • If you took away aesthetic goals and athlete fantasies, what kind of movement would you genuinely enjoy?

    • What skill, sport, or discipline secretly interests you but you’ve never allowed yourself to try?

    • Are you tracking the things that actually matter to you — or the things you think you’re supposed to measure?

    • What would you want your body to be capable of in the next year, if “looking fit” wasn’t even on the table?

    Answer them out loud, in a journal, or while staring at the ceiling at 2am — whatever fits your chaos.

    ⸻

    Call to Action

    If you vibed with this, learned something, or felt unusually called out in a helpful way, you can:

    • Like this post

    • Share it with someone who trains but hates the gym-robot approach

    • Subscribe to The Stratagems Archive

    • Or honestly?

    Just sit here quietly and soak in the fact that you made it all the way to the end.

    Either way, thanks for spending time in the Archives — it means more than you think.

    Now go train for the life you actually live, not the fantasy highlight reel everyone thinks they need.

    Check out My More Than Muscle Articles

    Other Pages That Might Interest You

  • 2025 is Nearly Over: What 5 Months Did to Me (And For Me)

    Another Year Coming to a Close—Let’s Look Back Before We Look Ahead

    Oh man. I can still feel the awkwardness of trying to force my blog’s identity into a “real life mastermind/villain” aesthetic.

    My fourth article—the infamous “2025 Is Nearly Over: A 6-Month Reflection & Projecting Ahead”—was my attempt to be clever, narrating like a stylish antagonist.

    What can I say? I liked fictional villains:

    Mads Mikkelsen’s Hannibal (peak elegance)

    BBC’s Moriarty (feral chaos gremlin energy)

    Garou from One Punch Man (antihero goals)

    But rereading that post now? It felt like finding an old childhood journal—full-body cringe.

    The same cringe I felt during my gamer/emo phase. (For the record: no piercings, no dyed hair, and my vampire/werewolf fascination was definitely NOT Twilight-related.)

    Here’s the thing: cringe is often just past-you doing the best you could with the tools you had. June-Me really was.

    This continuing reflection? That’s Present-Me building on top of the foundation Past-Me laid down.

    What’s Changed Since This Post?

    Well, for starters, the mastermind/villain writing aesthetic is gone. My writing no longer reads like an edge-lord making edginess their personality.

    I’ve shifted toward chronicling experiences, sharing interesting experiments, mulling “what if” scenarios, and yes—still procrastinating on folding my laundry.

    I changed my handle from Plans2Action to The Stratagem’s Archive, which felt cooler and better suited to reflecting on life while helping readers explore their own experiences as Fellow Archivists.

    And here’s the big difference: I’m not fueled by rage anymore. I’ve felt like an underdog my whole life—no talent, no skill, no charisma, just heart to keep going—but now, I’m not trying to prove anyone wrong. The people I once wanted to impress? I was chasing the wrong audience.

    I’m ugly. Bitter. Wretched.

    But also hopeful, exhausted through sheer willpower most days, and making my way through life with what I have—at a pace that doesn’t burn me out, doesn’t make me hate myself, and allows me to enjoy the frustrating process along the way.

    Things Still Feel Surreal Months Into 2025

    I still can’t believe how much The Stratagem’s Archive grew. It started as a way to get thoughts out of my head before they rotted. Now:

    And all of this is something Past-Me would never believe possible.

    It’s not just the blog that’s grown. I’ve grown too:

    • Renting my own studio
    • Managing my money and building for my future
    • Feeling at home being asexual
    • Navigating friendships with clear boundaries
    • Making my own map of life instead of blindly following someone else’s blueprint

    Younger me would never have imagined this life. And yet, here I am—living life my way, not punishing myself for unconventional choices, and enjoying the messy journey.

    What’s Next, Moving Towards 2026?

    Ain’t that the question we ask every new year? New Year’s resolutions, envy, self-doubt, the constant “am I doing enough?”

    I don’t know what’s next. Maybe I won’t have a corner office. Maybe I won’t run a Spartan race. Maybe I’ll learn Korean just to try something fun. Who knows?

    What I do know: I’ll keep working on The Stratagem’s Archive, posting when I can—not chasing numbers like an addict—living life, writing, training, exploring, and seeing what else life offers.

    Reflective Questions for Fellow Archivists

    Looking back, what part of your past-you makes you cringe but also feel grateful?

    Which accomplishments in the last months are invisible but meaningful to you?

    If the next 5 months were yours to design, without limits, what would you focus on?

    Thank You, Fellow Archivists

    Whether you silently follow, like, comment, or share, thank you for spending your time here. Your presence, curiosity, and engagement—however big or small—are what make this archive worthwhile.

    Here’s to 2026: one reflection, experiment, and late-night thought at a time.

    Check Out The Archives Below:

  • Now Noticing November: Reflections on Urges, Awareness, and Myself

    This November, explore “Now Noticing November”—a mindful, judgment-free take on urges, sexual energy, and self-awareness.

    A personal reflection from a 29-year-old asexual woman offering a fresh perspective beyond No Nut November and No Fap.

    Author’s Note / Friendly Heads-Up:

    Hey! This post comes from my perspective as a 29-year-old asexual woman thinking too deeply about urges, curiosity, and intimacy.

    Nothing graphic here—just honest reflections. Some bits mention masturbation or sexual energy, which might feel a little uncomfortable depending on your own experiences.

    That’s okay. Just a heads-up before you dive in.

    A Different Perspective

    Women’s voices on this stuff are rare online. So if this feels a little different, that’s on purpose. Welcome to my corner of the internet—you don’t have to perform, compare, or apologize for being here.

    We’re all exploring together, each on our own journey. The Stratagems Archive is a safe place to reflect.

    Flipping the Script

    I didn’t plan to write about No Nut November (NNN) or No Fap. Honestly, I thought about it because of a morning when I felt unusually aroused—an intensity that came up without any prompting.

    But instead of following the usual rules or shame-driven narratives, I decided to observe, reflect, and write from my own experience.

    This aligns with how I process boundaries, consent, and trust—like in this post about From Video Game Chaos to Personal Growth: How Huniepop and Thought Experiments Made Me Think Too Hard (And That’s Okay)

    Here, I’m giving NNN/No Fap the middle finger—for being ironically rigid, morally loaded, and often harmful.

    Let’s go.

    My Approach

    This November, I’m paying attention—not to a challenge, not to a goal—but to what’s happening inside me.

    I notice tension in my body, subtle urges in my stomach and legs. My mind doesn’t demand release; it quietly asks, “Are you aware of me?”

    Years ago, I tried the standard challenges. Two months without acting on urges as a young adult.

    Did I become stronger, more productive, or fulfilled? Not really. I just felt guilty when I gave in and frustrated when I didn’t.

    I was still stuck in a dead-end job, carrying debt, and hating life because some “rule” told me what I shouldn’t do.

    Now? I notice. I sit with it. I let the feeling rise, fade, or linger—without judgment or urgency. Sometimes I call these urges “energy.”

    Energy I redirect into reading, journaling, working out, writing, or exploring fictional vignettes of intimacy and trust—safe spaces to explore curiosity without harming myself or anyone else.

    Awareness Over Rules

    The loud online NNN/No Fap narratives are full of instructions, memes, and ego-fueled comparisons. Strip that away, and you find something much more interesting: awareness.

    • Awareness of your body.
    • Awareness of your thoughts.
    • Awareness of your own patterns.

    This awareness doesn’t need to shame you. It doesn’t need to make you better than anyone else. It just makes you better for yourself.

    Reflections for You

    Take a moment to reflect—no pressure, no trends, just noticing:

    • Have you tried NNN or No Fap?
    • How did it make you feel—physically, mentally, emotionally?
    • Did you tie abstinence to productivity or self-improvement?
    • Or did you simply notice what your body and mind were doing?
    • What did you learn about yourself when you gave in, held back, or simply sat with your urges without judgment?

    This November, I’m not participating in No Nut November or No Fap. I’m not abstaining to prove anything or to strangers who I don’t rightly know. I’m simply noticing—my urges, my reflections, my curiosity.

    If you’re a Fellow weary Archivist, tired of being told there’s only one right way to handle your body, mind, or habits, I invite you to pause, reflect, and reclaim that space for yourself. You don’t need to follow the trend, the meme, or the challenge. You can simply notice.

    Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is give yourself permission to pay attention—to your body, your mind, and your own journey—without judgment or competition.

    Share Your Thoughts

    If this post speaks to you, feel free to:

    • Like.
    • Subscribe.
    • Share.
    • Reflect quietly.

    Leave a comment below or message me directly at whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com. I read everything and will get back to you if you’d like to discuss this further.

    Thank you for spending your time in the archives. I hope you leave noticing something new about yourself today.

  • Looking Towards The Future—Learning How to Live Life While Dragging Debt in My Present

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    What Am I Supposed to Look Forward to When Life’s Been Sprinting Forever?

    I’ve been noticing how things have been shifting for me. Not just with my blog, The Stratagem’s Archive, but in my life as well.

    I started this blog from a place of rage, spite, and the feeling that life wasn’t worth living anymore — because it seemed like I had nothing of my own.

    My money, time, energy, sleep, hobbies, and interests all felt borrowed, taken, or otherwise out of my control.

    Work, personal obligations, appointments, family get-togethers every week… life kept running while I struggled just to catch my breath.

    Every day felt as though I was Bound by Compulsion: The Hidden Cost of Rituals We Can’t Escape, and I could feel myself seemingly losing what control I did have left.

    I kept asking myself, Is this it? Is this what life’s supposed to feel like — running until there’s nothing left?

    If that’s all life had to offer, then holy shit… that really sucks.

    Every day was exhausting, infuriating, and lonely. I tried so hard not to give in to my anger and despair — to keep surviving — because, somewhere, I had to draw the line in the sand. I didn’t want to die.

    I just wanted the weight of feeling like a failure, like I was perpetually behind, to lift.

    And now, four months into building The Stratagem’s Archive, after over 115 posts reflecting, collecting, and articulating thoughts and emotions I had tried to silence until they imploded on me, I find myself… wanting to live.

    But here’s the kicker — how do I start actually living?

    I Started Learning to Live From a Personal Finance Book—Of All Places!

    In a twist I didn’t see coming, the guidance I needed didn’t come from therapy or self-help blogs — it came from a personal finance book: I Will Teach You to Be Rich: Journal.

    I’ve shared how I’m tackling my personal debt using the IWT method in my earlier post, Eradicating A Burden: Eliminating Personal Debt to Ascend:.

    [Note: I Am NOT AN AFFILIATE—I Found These Books Helpful, and Hope It Helps Someone Else Too.]

    I made some financial choices to use my credit cards and take out a few personal loans to help my parents out. But I don’t regret helping them. I regret not having the money on hand to avoid the debts entirely, but here I am.

    Anyways, when my Ma told me about the new journal version, I bought two. Its prompts helped me start answering the questions I hadn’t allowed myself to ask: What do I want? How do I want to live my life?

    Even though I’m still paying down my debts — my high-APR credit card will be gone in the next two months, and my personal loan in twelve — the journal allowe me to briefly imagine what life could be like once the shackles are gone.

    What Does Living Outside of Crippling Debt Look Like?

    The beauty of the journal is that it doesn’t give answers — it asks questions.

    For example: “What would you do if you came into $100? $1,000?”

    My mind immediately wandered to freedom: $100 to treat my family to a nice meal, $1,000 divided between debt repayment, emergency funds, family treats, small indulgences for myself, and a little extra to spare.

    Money is a tool.

    It allows me to live independently, feed myself, take my parents or grandma out to breakfast, and rest with the quiet knowledge that my choices are securing my present and future. It offers brief glimpses of what life could look like outside of mere survival.

    Living Life One Inch at a Time

    And that’s the lesson I’m taking from all of this: living doesn’t start with a huge dramatic moment. It starts with creating small acts of breathing room.

    I get to say, “I can take care of myself.”

    I get to choose, “I get to rest.”

    I get to finally accept, “I get to make choices that feel right for me.”

    I’m not fully out of the tunnel. I still wake up tired. I still get frustrated at work and dread my Mondays. I still drag pieces of my old, broke, anxious self with me some days.

    But now I’m asking different questions:

    • What if life isn’t supposed to feel like a sprint?
    • What if I can slow down and still move forward?
    • What if living starts before the finish line — not just after it?

    I don’t have all the answers. I don’t need them all at once. Right now, it’s enough to know that life doesn’t feel like everything’s going to collapse anymore. It feels like possibility — small, stubborn, quiet possibility.

    A Gentle Call to Action

    If you’ve spent time here — reading, reflecting, pausing with me — thank you. Truly. Thank you for giving a moment of your life to The Stratagem’s Archive.

    If this piece resonated, made you think, or disagreed with it, a quiet nod is welcomed here.

    Quiet Nod

    Liking, sharing, or subscribing helps other fellow wandering, weary, or wondering archivists can find it too.

    Or simply sit quietly with it, reflect, and carry your own thoughts forward.

    There’s no obligation — just space to leave a trace of your own journey.

    Life doesn’t start when the sprint ends.

    It starts the moment we allow ourselves to imagine something better, inch by inch.

    Explore The Archives Writings

    Gifts and Artifacts From The Archives You Can Use

  • When The Highs of Writing and Publishing Fade—How I’m Keeping The Stratagem’s Archive Alive

    Facing the Fade: When Creative Highs Decline

    Maybe I didn’t take enough time to truly listen to the void. Since publishing The Void Feels Like It’s Closing In and What If Everything Just Stopped? What’s Next for The Stratagem’s Archives?, I stepped away from writing for a bit—but not long enough.

    Back when I wrote from rage, spite, and stubborn determination, I had:

    • A goal
    • A sense of direction
    • A sense of accomplishment
    • A wealth of ideas to explore

    Now, the silence feels deafening. I don’t feel the same compulsion to write, and my mind struggles to find creative inspiration. It’s the shadow I’ve always feared: creative stagnation.

    Reframing Stagnation

    Creative stagnation isn’t failure—it’s a signal. It’s an energy shift and a call to evolve. The Stratagem’s Archive has taught me patience, consistency, and self-reflection. It’s a space where my words reached people across the void, across countries, and into the wider internet.

    Now, I need to face the new reality: keeping this blog alive while honoring my own creative energy, without burning out.

    Adapting: New Rules for Creativity

    Since I’m no longer fueled by rage alone, I’m making adjustments:

    1)Pause for planning: Instead of publishing for streaks, I’ll take the time to think about what to write, why it matters, and how it connects to my growth.

    2)Refocus energy: My attention goes to creating content that’s meaningful, not just consistent.

    3)Experiment and reflect: Using my downtime to explore new topics, styles, and formats to keep the archive fresh and alive.

    The goal isn’t perfection—it’s sustainable growth, just like I’ve applied to my life outside of writing.

    Growth Beyond the Void

    Writing this blog has been a journey of self-discovery, persistence, and reflection. Losing the compulsion that drove me at first is uncomfortable—but it’s also a chance to grow differently.

    The highs fade, but the archive remains, waiting for me to approach it with renewed perspective. The challenge now is curiosity, patience, and intention.

    Call to Reflect

    If you’ve ever faced creative burnout, writer’s block, or the fear of stagnation, remember: it’s not failure. It’s a reset. A pause. A chance to approach your craft with fresh eyes.

    Question for you: How do you keep creating when the passion fades? What small rituals, shifts, or reflections help you stay engaged?

    Share in the comments or connect with me through the archive—your insight might help someone else push through their own creative fade.

    Call-to-Action

    If this post resonated, hit that like button, subscribe for more reflections from The Stratagem’s Archive, or share it with someone who might need a reminder that creative fades are part of growth. Let’s keep leveling up together—IRL and in writing.

    More Posts to Explore

    Challenge Unlocked: Taking a 24 Hour Break From Writing (and My Blog Stats)

    The 24-Hour Challenge Aftermath—Something Unexpected Happened in Just One Night

    Error 404: Last Save Point Not Found—From 60 Consecutive Days Back to 1

    The Experimental Pride of the Archives