Category: Creative Process and Reflections

  • When Your Blog Isn’t Getting Reads (And Why Checking Stats Won’t Help)

    When You Care About Your Projects, But Your Work Often Meets Silence

    Let me tell you something. Something I’ve brushed up against, felt doubt creeping into my thoughts, and wanting to slam my keyboard into the nearest wall.

    I hate writing.

    I hate writing because I always check my emails, my blog and Ko-fi stats like a tweaker, convinced that the numbers will change from 0 to 1 if I keep opening the apps every 2 seconds.

    Human or Bot? When Signals Aren’t Clear Cut

    It gets worse whenever you can’t tell the difference between a human dropping in or a bot doing its job.

    That ambiguity is poison for my spiral, because I can’t tell if my work is being seen or if it’s just the digital equivalent of a tumbleweed rolling past.

    That’s why I try to leave tiny signals—like my little wave buttons.

    A click isn’t required; it’s optional, and it’s a subtle way for a human to say, “I saw you. I’m here. I get it.”

    It’s a breadcrumb for both you and me.

    For me, it’s proof that someone—anyone—could be reading, reacting, thinking, or feeling along with me. For the reader, it’s permission to exist quietly without having to shout “like” or “share.”

    Even if no one ever clicks those buttons, the act of putting them there matters. It’s a reminder that connection doesn’t always need validation, and that my work, my voice, my little archive of thoughts—it can exist, quietly, for the people who stumble across it.

    When Reality is Messy, And So is The Internet

    Maybe today it’s zero views. Maybe tomorrow someone reads the whole post without a single click.

    That’s okay. The signal is still there.

    And when they don’t?

    Well… I stew.

    I spiral.

    I ask myself why I even bother. Who am I even writing for if the silence is deafening?

    Here’s the thing: silence doesn’t mean your work is worthless.

    It doesn’t mean no one will ever see it.

    It just means that the internet is messy, chaotic, and way too big for anyone to stumble across your little corner right away.

    I know this from first-hand experience.

    When You Write to Fit In, You Lose Your Will to Create

    When I started writing on WordPress/Jetpack, I relied on WordPress Reader and their daily prompts to get people to check out my blog.

    After a few months of writing to answer someone else’s questions, I felt as though I wasn’t writing authentically for myself and made the decision to ignore the daily prompts and write about the things I wanted to write about instead.

    Sure, I lost a lot of views, visits, and likes by making this choice to move away from Reader.

    However, despite my blog being quiet most of the time or found by the few people who were curious enough to read my works anyways—even though I’m not a guru, I’m not an expert, I’m not a professional writer, I don’t provide listicles, and I don’t write motivational or positivity pornI chose my own poison of creativity instead of someone else’s.

    That’s Why I Keep Writing Anyways.

    Not because I’m going to blow up overnight, not because I’m chasing clout, and definitely not because I think anyone needs my words.

    I write because if I don’t, I rot a little on the inside.

    I write because I need a record of me trying.

    Me experimenting.

    Me surviving.

    Sometimes the numbers do tick up. Sometimes someone reads a post months later and clicks “like” or downloads a PDF. Most of the time, nothing happens. And that’s fine. The work exists anyway. I exist anyway.

    If you care too much about your stats, your audience, your numbers—you’re going to hurt yourself. Stop checking every hour. Stop thinking your work’s value is measured by the tiny numbers in a corner of a screen.

    Write. Experiment. Fail. Reflect. Repeat. Keep your corner of the internet messy and alive, because eventually—even if no one notices—it’s a little bit of proof that you were here, trying, and refusing to be erased by silence.


    If You Made It to the End

    Thanks for reading all the way through. I support this work myself, but if you found these words meaningful or just wanted to let me know a human was here, you can tap the tiny wave button below.

    It’s completely optional, no pressure—it just lets me know someone saw the work and understood, even a little, the weight of trying to create while the world often stays quiet.

    Even a like, share, and subscribe tells me a person found value here too.


    Explore The Archives Below

    I’ve written more about this uncomfortable feeling because I believe that it doesn’t completely leave you alone, no matter where you are in life.

    Not when your work is quiet, and not when you suddenly “make it.” It morphs into something that makes you sit and doubt yourself, no matter what you do, but it also keeps you on your toes.

    If you have a break, below are related articles to check out and my homepage to see what else the Archives has to offer.

  • The Myth of Progress: How Endurance Keeps You Afloat but Never Lets You Thrive

    What If You Were Doing Everything Right And Still Running In Place?

    I’ve been circling this thought for years. The months leading up to now have been brutal — because it goes against nearly every piece of advice I’ve ever been given:

    “If you endure long enough, you’ll be rewarded with progress.”

    But the reason I keep returning to this thought is simple:

    I have been enduring.

    For a long time.

    I’ve done what’s supposedly considered “right”:

    • Automatically saving.
    • Automatically investing.
    • Paying my bills on time.
    • Cleaning my apartment once a week.
    • Working out two to three times a week.
    • Canceling subscriptions that no longer serve me.
    • Cutting out friendships that were dragging more than elevating.

    On paper, this is stability.

    In practice, it’s maintenance.

    Because the thing that keeps dragging me back onto the same treadmill — over and over — is my job.

    I’ve been at the warehouse for four years. It’ll be five soon.

    And no matter how disciplined I become outside of work, it keeps kicking me in the teeth.

    Everyone Else Seems to Be Moving Ahead, Except Me

    My job at the warehouse has been cutting back on hours — our freight volume decreased — and money has become the source of a lot of people’s anxiety lately.

    It’s the same old stories you hear:

    • We’re not making our hours.
    • How am I supposed to pay my bills?
    • Would I be able to get another job?

    But the stories that always cut me the deepest are when coworkers start saying they’re either looking for a new job, today is their last day, or they’re moving into a newer position.

    It felt like someone stabbed me in the head.

    It’s not jealousy.

    It doesn’t feel like envy.

    It’s grief.

    I’m grieving because the coworkers who made work bearable are leaving.

    I’m grieving because I waited for my turn to leave, but I’m still stuck waiting because I was told waiting would lead to progress.

    A Job Process That Convinced Me That Waiting Was a Virtue

    I’ve been trying to get into CBP for two years; I’ve been waiting for the next part of the process after completing the physical and medical exams, and it’s been quiet since.

    As I was undergoing the process — after failing my first attempt with the home exams — I thought I was making progress and doing something else with myself.

    The CBP officers I used to work with at my job told me the government process is very slow and it would take time to get through the next steps.

    Their advice?

    Wait until the process said you can’t continue.

    So, I waited — because I was told that waiting was the reasonable and responsible thing to do next.

    The Waiting is Hurting Me as Much as Enduring Has

    The CBP hiring process is out of my hands, so I pushed the thought of it into the back of my mind and forgot about it for months.

    That is, until a coworker reminded me that I was trying to get into a government job.

    He mentioned leaving to become a correctional officer and that he was taking the test when he got home from work.

    The fact that he was already undergoing the process told me that he was serious about leaving.

    I felt the knife in my head twist sharper.

    What am I supposed to do now?

    Everyone else is leaving, making progress, tackling new challenges and opportunities, and I’m… jogging in place.

    What This Feels Like in a Moving Body Going Nowhere

    When you’re jogging in place, it feels as though nothing you’ve been doing is making things better.

    When progress doesn’t arrive after a long span of effort, even meaningful and creative work feels suspiciously like coping.

    I hate that it feels like that.

    I’ve finally stabilized my life; I made sure my foundations weren’t going to collapse from under me, but now trying to go past the stabilizing phase feels like I’m trying to drag a ton of weight on my back and blaming myself when the weight drags me instead.

    I’ve been paying the price of being responsible, being patient, and everything is showing up in my day-to-day:

    • I get up at 2 a.m.
    • I get to work by 4 a.m.
    • I sleep in my car before my shift to get parking.
    • I barely eat, but it’s canned food or spicy noodles rather than home-cooked meals.
    • I’m still awake staring at my iPad screen or at my ceiling at 11 p.m. – 12 a.m.

    I can’t trust myself to bother trying something new because everything I built would destabilize faster than it took me to stabilize.

    Not because I failed, or didn’t try hard enough; I’ve done all of that and more.

    But each habit that kept me alive, kept me from collapsing from my constraints, became my own self-contained prison.

    And yet my mind is screaming for movement, while my body likes keeping things the same.

    The mismatch between my body wanting to remain in place and my mind screaming, “this can’t be all there is to my life,” wants to move.

    My mind wants evidence that everything I’ve been working on, and working towards, wasn’t for nothing.

    However, I don’t know what my next step is.

    What This Feeling is Doing to Me

    When my constraints and stability have been long overdue for payment, I haven’t been able to see beyond my today.

    The future is terrifying. It has many unknowns, and it could collapse the very floor under my feet if I fail to plan ahead.

    But plan for what?

    Where am I supposed to go next?

    What else could I be doing?

    Too many questions, so few answers, and I can’t even begin to imagine what small step I could take to lift 1–5% of this weight off of my back.

    I’ve learned that showing up keeps the weight from crushing me, but it doesn’t automatically lift it.

    That part is still mine to figure out.

    If You Made It to The End

    If this landed for you in any way:

    You don’t need to explain it or respond.

    Explore The Archives

    Gifts From The Archives

  • The Stratagems Archive Is an Ongoing Experiment (and It Lives on Ko-fi)

    Separating Thinking and Doing With Different Platforms

    The Stratagem’s Archive didn’t start out to be a business or a promotional thing. 

    The Archives started out as a pressure valve—to get the backlog of thoughts out of my head and avoid rotting me from the inside out.

    During a new point in my day, I was led to explore another platform:

    Ko-fi.

    I made a Ko-fi account on a whim—even made a business PayPal account to keep my anonymity, to feel like I’m making progress in my life.

    Making a Ko-fi account gave me a few questions I wanted to answer:

    • Could external support be possible for the archives if presented?
    • What would I do with this Ko-fi account?

    I chose to separate my creative endeavors—my sketches and expanded D&D content and artistic learning curves—from my thinking out loud writing that exists on my blog.

    It wasn’t as easy a decision for me to make because I thought Ko-fi was a social media account. I still don’t have social media; however, Ko-fi gets discovered through social sharing.

    Thus came my third question to answer; 

    • Could The Archives on Ko-fi be found organically?

    That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for the last 2 weeks now. I wanted to share that The Archives are slowly expanding and so are my personal skills.

    How My Ko-fi Account Was Really Born

    I’ve been recently presented with an opportunity to tap into my creativity, and I don’t know how to feel about it.

    A coworker showed me a design that looked uneven, she was struggling to adjust it because she’s not used to drawing, and asked if I could help.

    Granted, I told my coworker that I haven’t made anything in years—I’ve mostly drew with paper, colored pencils, and a 0.5mm mechanical pencil—and it had been just as long since I drew digitally on my iPad using Procreate. 

    My artistic skills were rusty and severely lacking; I never formally or informally learned to draw, but I was willing to take up the challenge of helping my coworker out.

    She forgot to send me her blueprints for what she wanted, but I went off of memory and made my own similar design.

    I liked how it came out. 

    My very first illustration of the new year. “A Shaka For a Friend.”

    It was simple, the colors surprisingly popped, it took me 2 days to clean up, but the design was initially completed in 30-40 minutes.

    My coworker was the first person, outside of family and polite acquaintances, who liked my work. I felt a small spark of happiness I thought was dead for years.

    How This Opportunity Gave Me Options to Explore

    My coworker has had her own online business for more than 10 years and she told me that some businesses were looking for designers to make things for them.

    She admitted that she pays $400+ per design she likes and she was looking for a new permanent designer to work with her. My brain perked up.

    Did I volunteer to be her new designer?

    Nope.

    I know my skills aren’t very professional, they’re very basic, and I’m still learning to use Procreate.

    I’ve seen what kinds of things she has in her online store and I definitely am not the best fit for her.

    Instead, I chose to showcase my work online, much like my blog and my writing, just to show it exists.

    I’m not officially building a portfolio; I’m not actively looking to become a graphic designer; I’m not trying to make Ko-fi the thing that gets me out of my current jobs financially or schedule wise.

    I figured Ko-fi was the best place to explore and share the things I’m making online. In my opinion, Ko-fi is like Fiverr, but for very creative minds and works of various art, skills, and knowledge. 

    Both WordPress/Jetpack and Ko-fi are the same containers:

    The work exists; “If my work helped you feel less alone, this helps me keep making it.”

    This space exists because I keep showing up to it.

    Explore The Archives Here

  • The Prophecy of Broken Bonds and Blood: A D&D Story of Choice and Cost

    Welcome — However You Found Your Way Here

    A ruined kingdom, a tragic king, and hidden legacies: explore The Prophecy of Broken Bonds and Blood, a story-driven D&D campaign for storytellers.

    A Story Narrative I Wanted to Explore, I’ll Tell The Tale Here Through D&D

    The Kingdom of Raez’ed is a shadow of its former self. What was once a hub of learning, growth, and experimentation has been twisted by war and blood.

    Under the rule of the Wretched King O’hdes, villages burn, rivers run dark with ash and blood, and the cries of orphaned children echo through decimated streets.

    Soldiers, once protectors, march gleefully in service of destruction, their faces twisted with greed and lust for power.

    Yet, behind this devastation lies a story of sacrifice, foresight, and impossible choices.

    King O’hdes: Villain, Hero, or Both?

    King O’hdes is not cruel by nature. Before he took the throne, he was a man with a large heart, devoted to his people and family.

    But he learned of a prophecy: if he failed to take certain actions, his own children—royal and bastard children scattered across the kingdom—would grow into harbingers of destruction.

    Faced with this choice, O’hdes made a painful decision. To protect his children and the kingdom’s future, he would become the villain in the eyes of his people.

    He would rule with cruelty, destroy alliances, and commit acts that would mark him as a tyrant. Yet every act was calculated to ensure his children, and the kingdom they would one day inherit, would survive.

    He offered his people an escape, resources to flee, and gold to start anew. Many accepted. Others stayed to share the burden, loyal to a king whose morality had been twisted for the greater good.

    Even the mothers of his children were not spared from this plan. O’hdes gifted them silver rings with jade gems—rings that would protect them in times of danger.

    Should the war horns ever sound, they were to pass the rings to their children. These symbols would mark his children, both to protect and to challenge them, ensuring they would confront their legacy when the time came.

    Older PCs and Faint Memories

    For older player characters—those in their mid-to-late 20s or early 30s—there’s an added layer of mystery. These characters might have faint, fragmented memories of their father, but not as a king.

    Instead, they remember him either as a soldier, a farmer, or an artisan. King O’hdes dressed simply and walked among the populace, working alongside his people to understand and connect with the kingdom he would one day rule.

    This approach subverts the traditional “royal father reveal,” creating multiple perspectives of the same person and deepening the emotional impact when the truth comes to light. Players must reconcile their childhood memories with the reality of their father’s choices—an opportunity for rich roleplay and moral exploration.

    For the younger PC’s though, they would only know their mothers and those who stepped up to raise them as their family. Not once questioning who their real dad is because someone became their father figure without them knowing.

    Like a step-parent who’d been around since birth and raised their partner’s existing child as their own: with their own form of love, patience, and competence.

    Narrative Mechanics for Your Players

    This story works as both a rich narrative and a DM tool:

    Character stakes: The PCs are O’hdes’ children, unaware of their lineage, giving them personal stakes in the kingdom’s ruin.

    Moral ambiguity: The king is neither purely good nor evil. He’s a living lesson in the gray areas of choice and consequence.

    Symbolism: The silver rings serve as narrative and mechanical tools, signaling pivotal plot points and player discovery.

    Player exploration: The kingdom is scarred, dangerous, and morally complex. Players explore consequences of leadership, witness the impact of choices, and uncover hidden truths.

    Lessons from the DM’s Chair

    When I created Raez’ed and King O’hdes, I drew inspiration from real life: we make difficult choices every day, small and mundane while others grand and loud, and someone will often see us as the “villain” in their story.

    My goal as a DM was to create a world that reflects that complexity: where actions have consequences, morality is gray, and players are compelled to navigate challenges thoughtfully rather than relying on combat alone.

    The faint memories of older PCs are a tool for narrative subtlety—small glimpses of the past that foreshadow revelation without revealing it outright.

    They reinforce the idea that stories are made richer when players actively piece together the truth, just as we piece together understanding in life.

    Reflection & Invitation

    Maybe there’s a bit of King O’hdes in all of us—trying to protect what we love, even if it costs us something we can’t get back. We make choices, we burn bridges, and sometimes we convince ourselves it’s for the greater good. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t.

    If this story made you pause, or sparked something in you—a memory, an idea for your own campaign, or just a thought about the weight of our choices—I’d love to hear about it.

    Share in the comments below or send your thoughts to whatimtryingoutnow@gmail.com for anonymous submission.

    Tell me what you saw in this story. Tell me who you’d be if the prophecy were yours to carry.

    You can also like, share, or subscribe to follow more D&D story prompts, narrative-driven ideas, and reflections like this one.

    Whether you’re a DM, a writer, a player, or someone just passing through—The Archive is open to you. It’s a place for the weary, the wondering, and the wandering. Stay awhile, share your thoughts, or just read and rest for a bit.

    A Thought For “Evil” Player Characters

    The choice that King O’hdes makes between becoming a tyrant king or face his children becoming the world destroyers gave me a new line of thought;

    What if there are player characters in the campaign that are evil aligned?

    They thrive on chaos, they want to see the world burn, and this would be a pyrrhic defeat because King O’hdes learns that his children destroyed the world irregardless of what he did.

    Should this ever happen and you want to use this narrative for your campaign, Fellow Archivists, make this realization for King O’hdes as heartbreaking and as mind blowing as you possibly can.

    This isn’t a king who destroyed his own kingdom. This is also a father who did everything in his power to ensure his children had a home to return to, even without him present, only to learn that nothing he did made a difference.

    Explore Other D&D Vignettes Below

    An Updated Note:

    It’s been months since I touched this post, but I want to change the evil king’s name from King O’hdes to King Pierre Rhick.

    The name change seemed fitting until recently because, depending on how the players play through the campaign, I wanted to have the king’s name sound similar to “pyrrhic,” instead of his name being inspired by Odysseus.

    Even though the king is going against his nature to prevent a calamity from happening, his home and land are burning, there will always be at least one player who would choose to instigate the apocalypse just for shits and giggles.

    Especially if it lets them stay in character.