“It terrifying to have this feeling in the back of my head, scratching, whenever I’ve forgotten something, or start to think I did. Especially when the it takes as little as a few seconds, as quick as blinking once, to make a difference between being certain and having an anxiety attack at whether or not something was done. For example, whenever I lock my apartment door, I have to ‘open it’ three times to make sure it’s locked before leaving. This sounds, and it does feel, compulsive, but I do this to reassure myself because I’ve always lived with family and we had a gate and fences around the property. Not a high end, high wall, kind of fence, but a simple chain link one to separate our driveway and home from the outside and from our neighbor’s property. Even if I forgot to lock the house door, someone was always home. The same if I forgot to lock the gate, though if I had forgotten to lock the gate, then my family would had told me that our dogs ran away because of my carelessness. Living in an apartment, however, doesn’t offer that same security and reassurance a home does, so this was a new experience to get used to.
Feeling unsure and forgetful doesn’t have to be a symptom of getting older or having ‘bad memory.’ Jim Kwik identified the problem and the solution when he said that, ‘memory is about ATTENTION, not RETENTION.’ This made so much sense because, just like my compulsion to make sure I push my door open 3 times after locking it, I know that I’m giving something as simple as making sure my current living space the proper ATTENTION needed to give myself the reassurance that no one will simply walk into my apartment because of my own carelessness. Feeling tired, hungry, stressed, worried, angry, feeling every single emotion on the wheel of emotion in existence of the human experience, anything that takes your attention away from the thing that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU can be the difference between a panicked state of mind and a mind at peace.
From personal experience, using a To-Do and a Not-To-Do list, helped with several things; the habits and skills that I wanted to become engrained would eventually lead to new patterns of doing and being. Having lists, even small ones with 1-3 items on it, provides structure and order in a world full of chaos and distractions. Eliminating as many distractions from our lives helps to reduce the amount of distractions our mind clings to, whether it’s because we’re bored, aimless, or have nothing much to do, who can truly say, except ourselves and where we currently are in life? You get the picture, right? A To-Do list gives you an idea, a rough plan, and steps that can be incrementally taken and increased over time towards the person YOU want to become. Who YOU are striving towards while acknowledging, “You are HERE in this point in time, now where to go up from here?”
A Not-To-Do list is exactly the same as a To-Do list, but rather than adding the habits and traits you want to embody, except that you are eliminating what no longer serves you. For example, while I enjoy a great video game, I have an unhealthy habit of playing for more than 5 hours on my days off. Console games, like Elden Ring and Bloodborne, are big time dumps for me: if I’m off, have no plans, or finished what I needed to earlier in the day, and I usually won’t stop until I either level my character up or defeat the next boss. If I’m not mindful, or don’t have a timer set, then I’d struggle to get through the rest of my list and it’ll feel as though I had wasted the day. Which I had if I didn’t take care of the items on my list earlier.
By having a clear structure of what you want to take care of, with time and consistent effort, what was merely something to check off a list is now a new routine. This new routine frees up mental bandwidth to focus on the present, on the thing in front of you, and you’ll eventually feel the compulsive need to triple check something or feel as though you forgot something, but can’t easily step away to check or have someone to ask to check for you. That was a terrifying anxious experience I had once, it was awful and I couldn’t concentrate at work all morning until I was texted by family that my apartment was locked. They checked again as they do have my spare keys, but that’s my experience.
We’re all dealing with something, taking care of someone or multiple someone’s, we need to be everyone else’s rock, their protector, provider, even for ourselves when going through our own stages of life. But having a bit of structure not only opens your mental resources to pay deeper attention to a few things, it could provide stability when life feels unstable and uncertain. Always changing and as though we’re not changing fast enough to keep up, yet we have enough space in our structure to also be spontaneous. Give a try, see what happens. If anything, you gave something new a shot and got an answer than a ‘what if.’
Enjoyed this post?
I write about creativity, coding, art, and personal growth.
Subscribe to follow my journey and get new posts when they drop!
